Got a picture (5x5) of acid yay, back in 'business' ;p !
Would it be possible to make a thread involving a modified Google Image engine based protocol, where people can upload their partial of a sheet of acid and see if google recognizes and finds the whole sheet pic? :D
Then if not alternatively bluelighters could chime in if they know it..
I do wonder about AL-LAD vs LSD potency and really forgot how serious to take the darker side of LSD especially when having been out of the game for quite a long time.. 300 ug AL-LAD two times recently certainly wasn't always easy, and at times downright confronting:
Looking the feeling of potential self-actualization for the coming time in the eye, feeling the transformative power, and while believing in wanting to better myself and tell myself strongly that its important to be more responsible, I also kind of shied away from the radiant self-actualization because it felt so intense that I felt that in my still very much recovering state I'd rather not risk going too deep into any rabbit hole and getting unforeseen mental problems from some personal crisis.
It was humbling but seeing my faults and strengths both felt honest and balanced, gave me compassion.
If I were to take acid again (clearly sooner or later I will but how much is a good question), and by the way I will not combine psychedelics with stims even prescribed ones
, I wonder how LSD would treat me in such matters ^ at otherwise subjective equipotent dose.
The effect of such drugs helping as a spiritual/moral etc compass by harmonizing feeling and thinking and showing me myself and my path is valuable to me - it helps to remember whats important and feel it deeply. I don't really need it - I've shown for years that I can survive and life without psychedelics - but I can't say that it's worth the challenge doing it all on my own, hardly knowing how to work on enduring, staying highly conscious and bearing it all, and moments of intense clarity being scarce.
But I also have experience with diving in deep with eg LSD and having impending ego death struggles way different from that of psilocin. I recall a synth 4-HO-DMT experience involving confrontation with mortality but without mystical states of consciousness involved.. I was quite present, it was a peaceful experience with crying and then letting go of fears as being just an organic part of the trip.
With LSD (granted with high doses and/or meditation) I recall dissociation and feelings of impending ego-death, unity etc... but enough times where that sent me into a struggle: apparently the dissociation or sudden meditative concentration so overwhelmed and confused my relatively present and intact state of consciousness that it mystified the whole thing. Hard to feel or think something as powerfully simple as your general mortality (actual or mental/symbolic), but instead fading more spontaneously.
No wonder that causes a struggle: I imagine parts of the mind are then completely unprimed for the loss of boundaries, the brain cross chatter that leads to a soup of unity and interconnection.
I've always warned everyone here to not try to cherrypick trip effect, and realize that I don't wanna get more than I bargain for. So I guess on the one hand I will start slowly (~85 µg blotters), of course a set and setting prepared for any kind of trip, moreso than with AL-LAD, and just to be sure prepare myself for the difficult/confusing type of effect catching me off guard, so that I won't unintentionally speed up a mystical state, but at the same time just go with it if I feel faded.
On another note [I started on a trial Ritalin script yesterday]:
The ritalin gave me quite some insomnia even though I did not take any after 3-4 pm, eventually around 4 am I gave in and ate some etizolam feeling that my body needs the rest (I hardly take any benzo anymore), coming night I won't do that and I wanna try to learn falling asleep on the long tail of MPH. But this could prove to be a dealbreaker. Didnt have insomnia when I trialed 1-2 weeks dexamph at therapeutic doses taken in the morning.
Anyway will give this a chance.
It did yesterday help with productivity and organization (although today I havent decided that I actually wanna be very productive) and for piano oh my god! It really feels like without it, I couldn't really muster enough attention to play say Bach evenly and calmly, I couldn't focus on everything going on and as a result usually get chaotic, problems with fingering and hitting keys too loudly or softly, so that soon enough I'm fighting to just keep up. Practice does wonders but I highly doubt it could 'compensate' for the attention deficit.
Interestingly, whereas without Ritalin (or dex or sunifiram) I have such strong musical memory that I can play my repertoire without the sheets when my motor/muscle memory + a strange form of raw data memory have memorized pieces well enough... now with Ritalin I found it harder to rely on memory (I was playing when visiting my father and had no sheet music there at all), and made mistakes although much fewer and less sloppy ones, mistakes surprisingly different ones than I know I normally make. Clearly playing controlled and careful helps overcome some challenges but creates new ones not known before this mode. :D
Would it be possible to make a thread involving a modified Google Image engine based protocol, where people can upload their partial of a sheet of acid and see if google recognizes and finds the whole sheet pic? :D
Then if not alternatively bluelighters could chime in if they know it..
I do wonder about AL-LAD vs LSD potency and really forgot how serious to take the darker side of LSD especially when having been out of the game for quite a long time.. 300 ug AL-LAD two times recently certainly wasn't always easy, and at times downright confronting:
Looking the feeling of potential self-actualization for the coming time in the eye, feeling the transformative power, and while believing in wanting to better myself and tell myself strongly that its important to be more responsible, I also kind of shied away from the radiant self-actualization because it felt so intense that I felt that in my still very much recovering state I'd rather not risk going too deep into any rabbit hole and getting unforeseen mental problems from some personal crisis.
It was humbling but seeing my faults and strengths both felt honest and balanced, gave me compassion.
If I were to take acid again (clearly sooner or later I will but how much is a good question), and by the way I will not combine psychedelics with stims even prescribed ones
, I wonder how LSD would treat me in such matters ^ at otherwise subjective equipotent dose.The effect of such drugs helping as a spiritual/moral etc compass by harmonizing feeling and thinking and showing me myself and my path is valuable to me - it helps to remember whats important and feel it deeply. I don't really need it - I've shown for years that I can survive and life without psychedelics - but I can't say that it's worth the challenge doing it all on my own, hardly knowing how to work on enduring, staying highly conscious and bearing it all, and moments of intense clarity being scarce.
But I also have experience with diving in deep with eg LSD and having impending ego death struggles way different from that of psilocin. I recall a synth 4-HO-DMT experience involving confrontation with mortality but without mystical states of consciousness involved.. I was quite present, it was a peaceful experience with crying and then letting go of fears as being just an organic part of the trip.
With LSD (granted with high doses and/or meditation) I recall dissociation and feelings of impending ego-death, unity etc... but enough times where that sent me into a struggle: apparently the dissociation or sudden meditative concentration so overwhelmed and confused my relatively present and intact state of consciousness that it mystified the whole thing. Hard to feel or think something as powerfully simple as your general mortality (actual or mental/symbolic), but instead fading more spontaneously.
No wonder that causes a struggle: I imagine parts of the mind are then completely unprimed for the loss of boundaries, the brain cross chatter that leads to a soup of unity and interconnection.
I've always warned everyone here to not try to cherrypick trip effect, and realize that I don't wanna get more than I bargain for. So I guess on the one hand I will start slowly (~85 µg blotters), of course a set and setting prepared for any kind of trip, moreso than with AL-LAD, and just to be sure prepare myself for the difficult/confusing type of effect catching me off guard, so that I won't unintentionally speed up a mystical state, but at the same time just go with it if I feel faded.
On another note [I started on a trial Ritalin script yesterday]:
The ritalin gave me quite some insomnia even though I did not take any after 3-4 pm, eventually around 4 am I gave in and ate some etizolam feeling that my body needs the rest (I hardly take any benzo anymore), coming night I won't do that and I wanna try to learn falling asleep on the long tail of MPH. But this could prove to be a dealbreaker. Didnt have insomnia when I trialed 1-2 weeks dexamph at therapeutic doses taken in the morning.
Anyway will give this a chance.
It did yesterday help with productivity and organization (although today I havent decided that I actually wanna be very productive) and for piano oh my god! It really feels like without it, I couldn't really muster enough attention to play say Bach evenly and calmly, I couldn't focus on everything going on and as a result usually get chaotic, problems with fingering and hitting keys too loudly or softly, so that soon enough I'm fighting to just keep up. Practice does wonders but I highly doubt it could 'compensate' for the attention deficit.
Interestingly, whereas without Ritalin (or dex or sunifiram) I have such strong musical memory that I can play my repertoire without the sheets when my motor/muscle memory + a strange form of raw data memory have memorized pieces well enough... now with Ritalin I found it harder to rely on memory (I was playing when visiting my father and had no sheet music there at all), and made mistakes although much fewer and less sloppy ones, mistakes surprisingly different ones than I know I normally make. Clearly playing controlled and careful helps overcome some challenges but creates new ones not known before this mode. :D
