Thoughts on my drug use

Ive been thinking about my drug use alot lately. I have come to the conclusion that alot of my drug use is situational because when things are going good and i have things to do i do tend to use less drugs. But when i am stuck in this shitty town with nothing to do, noone to talk to besides my parents and the occasional acquaintance, no chance of meeting a woman at all, etc, etc what else is there to do besides use drugs to numb it out?

These days i don't drink and i have not done any coke or any amphetamines in a good while. I still have my opiate and benzo scripts and i am still struggling with opiate addiction abit. More or less i am trying to keep opiate use to prescribed levels for pain but unfortunately i don't always succeed in that . The clonazepam is not a problem for me since i haven't had to increase my dose since maybe 2007 and i never run out early. But i mix it in with my morphine and gabapentin and some diphenhydramine to give me abit of a high. Also i take seroquel to help my bipolar and that thankfully helps to keep me sedated for abit and not freak out. It has a shitty side effect on me sometimes that i don't like (fucking night sweats! ) but my insurance only covers that and risperidone and i don't know if i am too keen on trying risperdal again. I could try a typical anti-psychotic but the only one Ive ever had is chlorpromazine (Thorazine/Largactil) and although i didn't find it to be too bad i don't know if taking it regularly would be the best idea. My psych meds which are lamotrigine, clonazepam, bupropion and seroquel do help to keep my drug use down especially when it comes to coke cravings. Not much point in doing coke if i am on 300-400mg's of seroquel along with 300mg's of wellbutrin. The seroquel stops my brain from racing over like a hamster on speed running in a wheel so that is atleast something.

My drug use is also definitely tied to my moods. I'm all to quick to take extra opiates if i am feeling miserably depressed or to calm me down abit if I'm manic. If I'm stable and actually happy i tend to use alot less drugs but those moments are far and few between . I just hope that i can get to go live with my g/f soon so i can hopefully relax for the first time in fucking ages. My heart will no doubt be thankful to be in a low stress environment . I would just like to see if my stress levels going down would help alot or a little.

 

It really does sound like the use is situational. Once you're in an environment that's more relaxed, with a good, kind companion, it'll do you heaps of good. Will probably make it much easier to keep the meds at a medicinal dose-- not to mention the fact that you'll be paying Yankee drug costs. Eep!