MonkeyQueen
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Nov 5, 2011
- Messages
- 3
Not really into "drugs". I.E., I've never liked the paranoia that weed gave me. Never did coke, or heroin, or meth, etc. Rarely, if ever, even drink.
What I am, or have at least been labeled as, is a "pill-popper".
My story: Tried to smoke pot a few times, and it didn't go very well. Everyone else was laughing and I was covering down, wanting to leave, wondering if X place had some Glade spray, or something... I accidentally smoked Oipium about 10 years ago. It was in the pot and just made me very drowsy and woozy. Tried Ecstasy once, (also 10+ years ago) and who knows what was in it. LSD, I'm assuming, because I hallucinated like crazy. The next day I felt VERY depressed. I didn't need to search for post-Ecstasy feelings... I knew my serotonin had been depleted for awhile....
Fast forward 5 years: Had/having severe panic attacks, with anxiety the majority of the day. Therapy didn't help. My once .05mg Ativan3x a day became a 1,2,3 day habit, and after a few months I realized it wasn't working anymore. The first time I took it, I felt a *click* in my brain... I don't know how else to describe it. I was like, "Oh, so this is what it's like to feel normal!" Went back to my GP and told them the Ativan wasn't working anymore, and at this point, I was terrified by the fact that I COULD, VERY WELL, indeed, have a major seizure. and they have me Xanax, .05, and then after a few months it went up to 1 mg. There was no stopping at this point. It went from 1/2 mg to 12+ mgs in a few weeks. Naturally, I ran out and had w/d symptoms from hell, including depersoanlization, derealization, shaking, tremors, agoraphobia, and the worst: Suicide attemps. 3 I believe, And I know the LD50 for benzos alone is pretty much impossible, without adding another sedative, such as alcohol, or MEGA doses of Benadryl along with it. A few 3 day psych hospital visits later, to only find that I am "benzo dependent". Take notice oof there being a difference between "addiction" and "dependency", especially since I have NO other addictive traits (except for caffeine and nicotine). Never got them online, the street, or overseas.
Accidental addiction? You tell me. I was just diagnosed with Sciatica, Splondytis and Scoliosis a month ago-- and I'm only in my early 30s! I've been poked, prodded, have MANY other horrible tests done. Awaiting for a spinal MRI, which I have to go through loopholes to even get. My doc wants me in physical therapy, 2-3 times a week for 3 weeks. I went once, and I know it was only one time, but the pain I'm in now is even too much for PT. Ugh.
And the insomnia... Eeek. I used to take 5 Benadryls at once and still had a 50% fail rate. I can't take Ambien or Lunesta, as they make me hallicinate and give me this awful sleep paralysis thing.
For tonight's attempt: 4 mg of Ativan (its okay, I'm way tolerant to benzos and 2 (350 mgs) of Soma, with Unisom to boot. Last night I took the 2 Ativan mixed with 700 mgs of Soma, It worked, alyhough not as quickly as I hoped. I know Ativan takes 30-45 minutes to feel it. The Soma makes me feel like I have just had a few shorts of liquor, but it wears off rather quickly.
I have to get up at 7 AM everyday; I used to have a pretty decent life. WTH happened?
What I am, or have at least been labeled as, is a "pill-popper".
My story: Tried to smoke pot a few times, and it didn't go very well. Everyone else was laughing and I was covering down, wanting to leave, wondering if X place had some Glade spray, or something... I accidentally smoked Oipium about 10 years ago. It was in the pot and just made me very drowsy and woozy. Tried Ecstasy once, (also 10+ years ago) and who knows what was in it. LSD, I'm assuming, because I hallucinated like crazy. The next day I felt VERY depressed. I didn't need to search for post-Ecstasy feelings... I knew my serotonin had been depleted for awhile....
Fast forward 5 years: Had/having severe panic attacks, with anxiety the majority of the day. Therapy didn't help. My once .05mg Ativan3x a day became a 1,2,3 day habit, and after a few months I realized it wasn't working anymore. The first time I took it, I felt a *click* in my brain... I don't know how else to describe it. I was like, "Oh, so this is what it's like to feel normal!" Went back to my GP and told them the Ativan wasn't working anymore, and at this point, I was terrified by the fact that I COULD, VERY WELL, indeed, have a major seizure. and they have me Xanax, .05, and then after a few months it went up to 1 mg. There was no stopping at this point. It went from 1/2 mg to 12+ mgs in a few weeks. Naturally, I ran out and had w/d symptoms from hell, including depersoanlization, derealization, shaking, tremors, agoraphobia, and the worst: Suicide attemps. 3 I believe, And I know the LD50 for benzos alone is pretty much impossible, without adding another sedative, such as alcohol, or MEGA doses of Benadryl along with it. A few 3 day psych hospital visits later, to only find that I am "benzo dependent". Take notice oof there being a difference between "addiction" and "dependency", especially since I have NO other addictive traits (except for caffeine and nicotine). Never got them online, the street, or overseas.
Accidental addiction? You tell me. I was just diagnosed with Sciatica, Splondytis and Scoliosis a month ago-- and I'm only in my early 30s! I've been poked, prodded, have MANY other horrible tests done. Awaiting for a spinal MRI, which I have to go through loopholes to even get. My doc wants me in physical therapy, 2-3 times a week for 3 weeks. I went once, and I know it was only one time, but the pain I'm in now is even too much for PT. Ugh.
And the insomnia... Eeek. I used to take 5 Benadryls at once and still had a 50% fail rate. I can't take Ambien or Lunesta, as they make me hallicinate and give me this awful sleep paralysis thing.
For tonight's attempt: 4 mg of Ativan (its okay, I'm way tolerant to benzos and 2 (350 mgs) of Soma, with Unisom to boot. Last night I took the 2 Ativan mixed with 700 mgs of Soma, It worked, alyhough not as quickly as I hoped. I know Ativan takes 30-45 minutes to feel it. The Soma makes me feel like I have just had a few shorts of liquor, but it wears off rather quickly.
I have to get up at 7 AM everyday; I used to have a pretty decent life. WTH happened?
