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Thought He Knew

E-girl

E-girl

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 23, 1999
Messages
4,525
Location
PA, USA
I thought he knew.
I thought he knew I loved him.
I could have sworn I'd told him that, many times...
...or at least once.
But he looked in my eyes like he didn't even see me.
Like i was vapor.
Like everything i had inside of me, everything i gave him, was worthless.
I thought he knew.
I thought he knew that i missed him.
Missed having him around, missed the way he used to take me fishing.
Missed the way we used to plant flowers around the lake.
Missed the way he smelled, not like an old person, but like a grandpa.
I didn't know that it had to be said out loud.
I didn't know he still missed her.
I didn't know my words cut him.
I didn't know he would take any of it to heart.
But i was mad, i was hurt.
I wanted him to treat me like he treats my sister.
Wanted him to look at me in such a way...
I remember the last time he looked at me like that,
Before she came
He was mine only
And then she came
With her long blond hair
And he said he only likes girls with long hair
And then there was me,
With my short new do
And suddenly, i wasn't good enough.
I thought he knew,
That i was upset.
That i felt like i didn't measure up anymore.
I thought he saw me walk away and cry
Thought he just didnt care.
And so i never told him again
How i felt.
I thought he just knew.
The way grandpa's know everything.
I thought he knew it everytime he looked at me,
Looked through me...
I thought he knew that even though i wasn't his favorite anymore,
That he was still mine.
I thought he knew i missed him.
I thought he knew i would still go fishing with him, if he would just ask.
But all this time, he just thought i didn't care.
I thought he knew,
And i never told him.
And now, its too late
And my hair, it finally grew long again
And he's not here to see it.
------------------
E-girl
IM: tiggersgurl2067
Find one person you can count on forever, one person you can love forever, and one person you can be with forever... and if you're lucky, it will all be the same person.
"Live for the memories."
 
That is so sad... makes me remember how I used to think the sun shined outta my grandpa's belly-button... and now he's gone too. I feel for ya sweetheart.
(((E-girl)))
------------------
Christian
AIM: TChristianW
"The sharpness of memories fade, but never the tone." --ebow
"'slaughter' is just 'laughter' with an "s."--Mr. Sticky
 
frown.gif

((hugs))
 
Ive never lost anyone but the other week I found out my grandfather had alzeimers disease.I think Ill know how you feel soon....Im sorry
------------------
"if there were no rewards to reap,
no loving embrace to see me through
this tedious path Ive chosen here
I certainly would have walked away by now.
And I still may."-MJK TOOL
 
my grandpa died when i was in high school...i only went to see him once in the hospital. he lived next store to us all of my life. every day he would pick me up from school in his brown station wagon with his dog chrissy yelping in the backseat...all the way up until i was 10 years old. and everyday after school he would take me to see the "ice-cream man" at the park, give me $2.00 for ice-cream(50 cents if anyone asked) and promised not to tell anyone that i always spent that 2 bucks on 2 packs of garbage pail kids, not ice cream. i still have all those damn garbage pail kids today.
i miss him so much...thanks e-girl, your words conjured up a long forgotten memory.
 
E-girl, I can't begin to say 'I know how you feel'. But you helped me realize that I haven't told my grandfather that I love him. I'm going to pick the phone and call him today.
Thanks love...
[qoute]Life is short!!![/qoute]
The ones that you love, tell them you Love[i/] them!
 
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