thisentry directly relates to the sad reality entry I've made. Life got better and I find myself in the blissfully ghetto and rustic town of yukon. My first apartment. Living in an inheritance blessed sanctuary, I felt free for once.
This lasts two months, as my solitude and ego turned into empathy for the one person who gave me joy. I felt so lost, not talking into account how life with your roof feels. So I made me a friend, routinely making a wish on a cheap geenies bottle, with the unspoken promise of the feeling of love and kinship for the night.
Every moment possible, she came to me, doing exactly what I wanted. My friends call it false confidence, but that same warn hug relief and the feeling of soon being numb enough to function enough to work towards a happy social life, was the temporary key to my demise. -------
When you live in poverty and can't get a job, time and thoughts dominate, as If replacing feelings of desire hope, worth, and leaving you concise to deal with this left open in your mind. This mentioned in my other entry.
It was colonial hills, aka "criminal hills " I settled in in no time.
It quickly became the most popular place to get away, relax, trap, and I felt poplar. But not kinship.
And just as I saw that I am exactly what I've been against I am truly, without trying. A junkie.
And I loved it. But that didn't last forever.
--- out of the dangerous drug infested couch hoping, and into the heaven of your safety, home, and no fear of that dangerous life to kill you inside. My roommate must not have cared, because his boss sure didn't. 2 weeks before rent, I finds this out. So. I put my life to the test as well as my religion. In hopes of death I found the answer, and I went to hell. Because here I am! ---
The first phase of my life I was allowed to exist withou emotional ball games and witnessing deranged things, my brain said #its over, you can be you, and there are no rules.
--- once the Initial glory went, my mind want ready for life. who is god? Is there a reason for my life?
Those questions doninate my mind even in a room full of people talking to me. Assuming everybody has those thoughts I hid it. Witnessing every warm emotion in others, killed me because they are all dead. Excitement was a great one. At least self initiated and not forced fake.
----- she hugs me and calls me her brother, as I can't stop thinking things dehumanizing, such as "does she feel this way or is it a phrase to avoid her own dead feelings. The euphoria takes over and the moment and laughter were all that showed. Knowing the cancer ensues her a short time, maybe she is like me.
This lasts two months, as my solitude and ego turned into empathy for the one person who gave me joy. I felt so lost, not talking into account how life with your roof feels. So I made me a friend, routinely making a wish on a cheap geenies bottle, with the unspoken promise of the feeling of love and kinship for the night.
Every moment possible, she came to me, doing exactly what I wanted. My friends call it false confidence, but that same warn hug relief and the feeling of soon being numb enough to function enough to work towards a happy social life, was the temporary key to my demise. -------
When you live in poverty and can't get a job, time and thoughts dominate, as If replacing feelings of desire hope, worth, and leaving you concise to deal with this left open in your mind. This mentioned in my other entry.
It was colonial hills, aka "criminal hills " I settled in in no time.
It quickly became the most popular place to get away, relax, trap, and I felt poplar. But not kinship.
And just as I saw that I am exactly what I've been against I am truly, without trying. A junkie.
And I loved it. But that didn't last forever.
--- out of the dangerous drug infested couch hoping, and into the heaven of your safety, home, and no fear of that dangerous life to kill you inside. My roommate must not have cared, because his boss sure didn't. 2 weeks before rent, I finds this out. So. I put my life to the test as well as my religion. In hopes of death I found the answer, and I went to hell. Because here I am! ---
The first phase of my life I was allowed to exist withou emotional ball games and witnessing deranged things, my brain said #its over, you can be you, and there are no rules.
--- once the Initial glory went, my mind want ready for life. who is god? Is there a reason for my life?
Those questions doninate my mind even in a room full of people talking to me. Assuming everybody has those thoughts I hid it. Witnessing every warm emotion in others, killed me because they are all dead. Excitement was a great one. At least self initiated and not forced fake.
----- she hugs me and calls me her brother, as I can't stop thinking things dehumanizing, such as "does she feel this way or is it a phrase to avoid her own dead feelings. The euphoria takes over and the moment and laughter were all that showed. Knowing the cancer ensues her a short time, maybe she is like me.