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This Path I Chose

J

juniorcat

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 14, 2011
Messages
147
I've had a few very beautiful experiences. These were life-affirming, but a while ago and now I feel lost again.
I'm so full of frustration. My ways seem old and tired. I'm sick of feeling so tense and knackered and unable to connect with other people how I'd like
because of anxieties and the mental bounderies I've put in place.

I've been severely paranoid about various things for ages now: mass conspiracy, evil governments, getting murdered, the police, the works.
I think my thoughts and subsequent belief in them resemble what many refer to as psychosis. Naturally I sought out help from the
mental health service. I was told that I am ill; mentally ill. They offered me pills which I declined because
there's something about medicating my 'illness' that just doesn't seem quite right.
Noone. Not councilors, nor doctors could tell me the route of my problem. Why do I think like this? Why are my feelings so extreme?

The word psychosis has such dirty stigma. Such nasty conotations to it. The point is that most people with psychosis
have some sort of spiritual aspect to the way they are thinking.
This aspect is not considered in the mental health service: spirituality is bunk and I have a sickness which is rotting through me and may get WORSE.
I have no faith in the system, so why should I trust when it says don't take psychedelics or you'l go insane,
take my medication instead.

I really want to explore again to re-afirm into my life the beauty that I remember exists.
I just feel, what with all this frustration that I need to trip again, but I'm frightened it'll go wrong and I'll get lost forever.
 
Aetherius Rimor said:
This thread is better suited for "The Dark Side" I believe.
Click to expand...

It belongs here in the psychedelic forum. The irony. This is exactly what I say in my post about stigma and such. This thread is directed at the psychedelic community about it's possible shamanic uses
 
if you do decide to trip make sure you have a sitter and keep the doses low. be safe. maybe talk to a doctor and try to get some benzo's to relieve some of the anxiety. i know they certainly help with mine. i wish you the best of luck. stay strong.
 
I also think low doses are much better for therapeutic purposes than higher doses. Lower doses aren't that much intense and/or mindfucking, which is something you don't want in your situation.

The benzos aren't really answer to his problem. Also, OP didn't even say what the medication was - maybe the benzos themselves?

This thread is going to be interesting.
 
Untrained use of psychedelics will- on a long term basis, have a tendency to bring parts of your sleeping subconscious mind to the dominant waking position. Mainly the parts you dont want, because when I say untrained, I mean you are neither a psychologist, nor healer or shaman of any kind. One purpose of ingesting these substances is to bring deep problems up to the surface. This makes it easier for the healer to treat the issue, but without a healer present it simply leaves the problems floating at the surface. It feels nice for a while, the weight of your problems having been released from your subconscious. Eventually, however, the waters of your waking mind will become contaminated by frustrations and delusions and it will continue to poison your entire persona if not dealt with.

My only advice is the same advice I would give anyone having a problem with floaters.

Just flush it, man.

What are you saving all that shit for..
 
You can pm me if you're interested in discussing shamanistic application of trance. I have practiced daily for 7 yr

I can relate to the situation to a degree...I am not in a psychotic state, but have been aroundd the block of consciousness through a number of years of frequent tripping.
 
Oh yeah....
I accept my place as the bluelight broken record in re-emhasizing to anther.....
MEDITATIONS. will likely help your situation....learn to quiet your mind so your can see the depth of your being beneath the wandering cnsideratios.
 
juniorcat, many of us with easy access to psychedelics have felt similar beauty and evil that you have. I want to encourage you in your spiritual journey to interact with those around you in a way that increases beauty in the universe. Actions of beauty do create ripple effects that will topple even the most evil of barriers. Prepare your soul before planning your next trip, and it will grow into something that will heal you. You cannot go into it now with images of negativity.
 
Juniorcat, what you wrote sounds extremely familiar to me. I just wanted to comment on one thing:



They offered me pills which I declined because
there's something about medicating my 'illness' that just doesn't seem quite right.
Click to expand...


Now I don't know what kind of medication they were offering or what they're suggesting your so-called illness is, but I put off taking any medication for years because I thought it was "selling out" in some way, or just a superficial measure which would make me a placid zombie. However, when I finally took some anti-depressants it made an enormous difference. Quite the opposite of zombification, I was able to get some badly needed rest time (i had been anxious and paranoid but hadn't realised) and perspective.

I used the meds for a while (about a year) to get my shit together, and then I stopped using them (gradually, as in I tapered off). The good things that I set up (relationship, improved fitness) during that time are still going and have really made a difference in my life. The meds didn't do those things, I did. But without the meds I doubt I could have done them because i was so out of sorts. Mental pressure (call it mental illness or stress or whatever) can build and build until it robs you of perspective and all you can do is go in circles - a downward spiral. Sometimes meds are called for, at least as a stop-gap measure.

They are a tool, not a cure. Sometimes we need temporary tools to make things. Real things which last longer than the tools themselves.

It's been a rocky road and I have been on and off different meds for more than 10 years (currently back on), but I just think it's worth mentioning sometimes that meds can be useful for some people, and that it doesn't necessarily mean you are in some way diluting yourself by using them.
 
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