So... now I sit here again, three years later, on the deck of my home outside my bedroom.
I thought I would suffer until death as a useless coke fiend but that script got flipped and I ain't that guy anymore.
Within the past 309 days I have made many positive changes. Am I bragging about them? Fuck no. I am proud of the progress born of my effort but I have had a great deal of support. If I don't put things in the proper perspective than I can put myself in a mindset of hopelessness and self-pity. I ain't having any of that nonsense. Not today.
I had lost a significant amount of weight as a result of the lifestyle I was living so I wanted to take advantage of that and create some sort of positive out of the negative. I began exercising the very first day of getting clean. At first, it was merely push ups, pull-ups, chin-ups and crunches. After four months of that, it wasn't good enough. I joined a gym. I began working out everyday at the gym (even on the days I didn't want to).
I adjusted my diet and eventually put down the cigarettes. I haven't had nicotine in my system for over 16 weeks. I would say WELL over 16 weeks but I really don't know when the exact day (or month) it was that I quit.
I enrolled in the Human Services Addictions program at the local community college.
I was real nervous about school so I approached it carefuly. I only took one class, 'Intro To Psychology' because I knew my history with school and it was still early in the game of this new drug free lifestyle.
I got an A in that class.
Summer Sessions at school began so I took two more classes which ran for 6 'intensive' weeks. I enrolled in Abnormal nPsychology (I got a B in that class) and Intro To Sociology (I got an A in that).
So, I had successfully earned 9 college credits in about 4 and a half months. Not too bad as far as I'm concerned.
I had a plan. I would be qualified to work in the mental health/addictions field at a low level within a year and a half. This was exciting to me and I had gained some momentum and motivation to keep things moving.
During this time I was working at another pizzeria as well as helping my dad with his side business. Through working with him, I seemed to gain his respect on some level.
I remember the day dude OD'd at my apartment. After that my dad called me a retard and said I had mental problems. Now he comes to me whenever he has a problem with his home network.
My lease at my shitty apartment was about to run out and, the tenant that was renting from me (really my parents) in Colorado was moving out. This was an opportunity.
I grabbed a dude I know, rented a 20 foot Uhaul, attached my car to the back and we made the 32 hour drive back to what I consider 'the promised land' and home.
I feel at peace again. I'm on my own out here so I have no room for error so I can't be fucking around with stupid shit.
They do the 12 Step thing out here a lot different than what I'm used to and I like it. They are much more laid back and focused on selfless service to others.
I dug into the 12 Step thing big time. I'm currently on a couple of service committees and will be checking out my town's Human Services Task Force to get involved with working with the homeless and working poor.
I feel off kilter without having a full time job. I need the security, routine and income desperately. All things in time though. As long as I apply the effort with consistency, commitment and discipline, I'll be okay.
Thins certainly have changed drastically within the last 309 days. It seems like a lifetime but its only been a mere 10 months.
Life is a funny thing...
current view:
I thought I would suffer until death as a useless coke fiend but that script got flipped and I ain't that guy anymore.
Within the past 309 days I have made many positive changes. Am I bragging about them? Fuck no. I am proud of the progress born of my effort but I have had a great deal of support. If I don't put things in the proper perspective than I can put myself in a mindset of hopelessness and self-pity. I ain't having any of that nonsense. Not today.
I had lost a significant amount of weight as a result of the lifestyle I was living so I wanted to take advantage of that and create some sort of positive out of the negative. I began exercising the very first day of getting clean. At first, it was merely push ups, pull-ups, chin-ups and crunches. After four months of that, it wasn't good enough. I joined a gym. I began working out everyday at the gym (even on the days I didn't want to).
I adjusted my diet and eventually put down the cigarettes. I haven't had nicotine in my system for over 16 weeks. I would say WELL over 16 weeks but I really don't know when the exact day (or month) it was that I quit.
I enrolled in the Human Services Addictions program at the local community college.
I was real nervous about school so I approached it carefuly. I only took one class, 'Intro To Psychology' because I knew my history with school and it was still early in the game of this new drug free lifestyle.
I got an A in that class.
Summer Sessions at school began so I took two more classes which ran for 6 'intensive' weeks. I enrolled in Abnormal nPsychology (I got a B in that class) and Intro To Sociology (I got an A in that).
So, I had successfully earned 9 college credits in about 4 and a half months. Not too bad as far as I'm concerned.
I had a plan. I would be qualified to work in the mental health/addictions field at a low level within a year and a half. This was exciting to me and I had gained some momentum and motivation to keep things moving.
During this time I was working at another pizzeria as well as helping my dad with his side business. Through working with him, I seemed to gain his respect on some level.
I remember the day dude OD'd at my apartment. After that my dad called me a retard and said I had mental problems. Now he comes to me whenever he has a problem with his home network.
My lease at my shitty apartment was about to run out and, the tenant that was renting from me (really my parents) in Colorado was moving out. This was an opportunity.
I grabbed a dude I know, rented a 20 foot Uhaul, attached my car to the back and we made the 32 hour drive back to what I consider 'the promised land' and home.
I feel at peace again. I'm on my own out here so I have no room for error so I can't be fucking around with stupid shit.
They do the 12 Step thing out here a lot different than what I'm used to and I like it. They are much more laid back and focused on selfless service to others.
I dug into the 12 Step thing big time. I'm currently on a couple of service committees and will be checking out my town's Human Services Task Force to get involved with working with the homeless and working poor.
I feel off kilter without having a full time job. I need the security, routine and income desperately. All things in time though. As long as I apply the effort with consistency, commitment and discipline, I'll be okay.
Thins certainly have changed drastically within the last 309 days. It seems like a lifetime but its only been a mere 10 months.
Life is a funny thing...
current view:
