@MrsGamp I am so sorry for what you are going through. There is no pain in the entire world like that of a mother who is separated from her child. I know so personally. Just remember that even though she doesn’t talk to you often, she retains her love and affection for you just like you do for her. Children have remarkable abilities to hold onto memories and emotions. You don’t have to “do” anything to make her proud of you. Children don’t need the sort of superficial distinctions that we look to as adults.
Your ex had no right to use a custody battle as a way to get back at you and have control, but it is all too common with abusers. Remember you’re not alone. If you ever need to vent to another mother who understands pm me.