This is the first day of my life..swear I was born right in the doorway

After trying unsuccessfully to detox a handful of times recently, I finally made it long enough dope sick in order to take subs and have them work. My last shot of heroin was Monday morning at 6am. I went to work that day and made it through the night. I woke up for work the next day at 6 am and I felt like shit, but I was scared I was not sick enough to dose a sub. I had just recently sent myself into precipitated withdrawals twice and was not about to deal with that again, especially since my dude is super hard to wake at that time in the morning in the event that I needed to get some rescue dope. I called into work that day and dosed myself with ZzzQuil and muscle relaxers and had intermittent sleep until about 6 pm. I was feeling like death warmed over, so I said fuck it, I am going to take a little piece of a sub film. 45 mins later, no precipitated withdrawals, and felt maybe 10 % better. I tossed and turned in bed all night. I decided to go to a local urgent care where I asked for a Toradol injection in my hip for the aches and pains and was lucky enough to score some K-pins. Immediately I took a few kpins and that night was able to get to sleep. At the end of that day I had dosed myself every few hours with a tiny amount of sub, equaling out in total to about 6mg, IF that. As I lay in bed that night, I began to feel a calm wash over me. A feeling I had not felt in a very long time. Finally my muscles began to relax and I drifted off into sleep. I awoke every 2 hours or so, which is pretty decent for detox. I woke up the next day, which was this morning and took about .5mg of sub on my way to work. How I managed to muster the energy to dress myself and do my hair and make up is beyond me, but I did it. I ate a few k-pins at work to take the edge off, because when I first got there I felt so raw. People even looking in my direction caused me physical pain, if that makes any sense at all. To have to speak to another human being seemed like such a chore. That poses a big problem. I work in medicine and I am constantly having to take care of people. This includes talking to them unfortunately. Feeling so helpless, like taking care of everyone else when all I want is someone to take care of me. Ironic is the situation at hand. I made through it. I am astounded at what a big feat that was for me. I know now that I am much stronger than I think I am.

 

I work in the medical field too (sort of), well its a mix between that and transportation if you catch my drift. More of the latter it seems with most "patients". I too have dealt with the awfulness of going through days of work where I was transitioning onto Subs or just straight had nothing to keep me well. It can really be awful, just forcing yourself through the motions and interacting with co-workers is tough, too. The worst is if a patient's family is overly involved for some reason, you always just want them off your back. The only thing that brings me some bit of solace on those days is seeing a very sick patient and thinking about how there are much worse life situations one can be in and that mind will pass with time.

 

I work in the medical field too (sort of), well its a mix between that and transportation if you catch my drift. More of the latter it seems with most "patients". I too have dealt with the awfulness of going through days of work where I was transitioning onto Subs or just straight had nothing to keep me well. It can really be awful, just forcing yourself through the motions and interacting with co-workers is tough, too. The worst is if a patient's family is overly involved for some reason, you always just want them off your back. The only thing that brings me some bit of solace on those days is seeing a very sick patient and thinking about how there are much worse life situations one can be in and that mind will pass with time.

God. Thank you for this. I needed to hear this today