This is shit, why me?

[Maniaz]

Lately i've been thinking about suicide a lot more lately. I've recently turned 18 and im still a virgin which fucking sucks the majority of the people i know arent virgins any more and quite a few of them dont have too much trouble getting laid. I have had girls tell me im not ugly and im actually pretty good looking. I dont have many friends, i struggle to socialize with people sober , i really struggle to socialize with girls , i've never hung out with a girl just me and her before.....never . I feel like i would be much happier with more money ( more money=more drugs one of the few things in life that keeps me happy ) but i work part time at shitty fucking mc donalds were none of the shitty managers appreciate the work you do .

A huge reason im like this is because i have a stammer that stops me from doing a lot of things and the fact that i have a heart condition, which according to science slows down your development . I hate my body im fucking skinny because i dont eat enough and have a slow metabolism and generally dont eat healthy due to being force feed when i was under going surgery when i was younger which put me off a lot like vegetables and fruit ( only veges i eat are corn and potato ) The few things in life that keep me going is the diploma in animation im currently studying for which, i hope to get a job in the animation industry as its the only thing i like doing and even then i cant fucking do that right due to drugs taking away my motivation . Drugs are one of the few things in life that keep me happy its why i work at shitty mc donalds if i didnt have drugs then i would just be stuck with my own shitty thoughts all time since i spend most of my time in my room by my self. I know my problems my seem minor compared to a lot of other people who cope with bigger problems but i just cant cope


I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY PEOPLE WHO ARE COMPLETE SACKS OF SHIT A LOUD TO WALK THIS EARTH AND PEOPLE LIKE ME GET THE SHIT END OF THE STICK

 

[Legerity]

The things that bother you now won't necessarily feel important down the road. Drugs may provide some relief or interesting experiences but they don't really remove any of the actual issues in themselves. That doesn't mean you can't work on the issues while using drugs at the same time if they do not take up your entire focus.

Even if you don't feel comfortable around girls right now, if you don't use any superficial ego bullshit to try to attract people then when you do meet somebody (now or later on) they may genuinely care about you rather than because of an image that you portray that they believe in. To me that's the only kind of relationship I want to because I'm quite content and much less stressed when I'm not in relationship.

So I'm sure it can be difficult and frustrating having health issues or a stammer, but it really doesn't have to be an issue at all especially if you are around the right kind of people.

 

[piebald]

^ ^^exactly..i hope he listens...18 is soooo young! way to young to be thinking about ending it! and unfortunately complete sacks of shit will be walking the earth forever more...i hope he can move past that cause sacks of shit are everywhere...being a virgin with health issues doesn't seem so dire..but at 18 shit like that matters to kids..i hope he can move through this cause 1)at least he has a job 2) i think it would be cool to be a vrigin again_like sex is some holy grail-when its really just...sex....... and 3)he seems really cool and genuine and i hate to hear it when people are this bummed and they have NO idea how much worse it could be.....and Maniaz careful with the drugs....best of luck

 

[8L4YN3]

Dude lifes what you make it, your lifes shit because you let it become shit. Sorry dude, no touchy feely truth cushoning coming from me.

 

[piebald]

^ damn he's 18^ he's feelin blue.. a llittle touchy feely truth cushion isn't so bad

 

[herbavore]

Hey, Maniaz, it sounds miserable. I think if you put together the above three responders you have something solid to hang onto.
From Legerity: make peace with who you are.
From Piebald: continue to seek support and empathy--you deserve it and it is out there.
From 8L4YN3: it's true, the work is yours to do-- from the inside out.

It sounds like you have something really special to get you through times like this and that is your art. If drugs are preventing you from being motivated to be disciplined and creative then they are not giving you anything, they are taking something away. Your talent is a gift. Stick with it and the rest will be so much easier.

 

[swmo]

i don't know any teenager who hasn't felt as you do. stay young as long as you can. it gets worse. build strong self esteem while you can. u'll need it later.

 

[Bojangles69]

Dude you are *18* you are NOT suppose to be "good" with girls at that age. The few random shmoes who are getting laid have no idea what they are really doing other than being a smartass to women.

But women love playful guys theres really no other way to put it. I have NO SOCIAL skills at all when it comes to women I am a relentless playful bastard when I am around them. If I hand them a pen I drop it before they can grab it and let it fall to the floor than ask them if they've been drinking.

Or I will steal their posessions and do something funny with them. Or if I'm walking by one I will turn my ahead away from them then steer by body into theirs so they are forced to walk into a tree or a locker or any type of object.

If you want to learn how to get good with women learn how to be a playful person. Don't focus on anything else for now thats just my recommendation. You will notice almost every guy that is good with girls is playful with them to a certain degree. I had so many issues in highschool with talking to girls and saying something clever and then I realized the more you talk the more there is just a chance you will say something stupid and look like an idiot or worse a perv.

DON'T be hard on yourself. If you ever need pointers with women feel free to pm me. Just try and be more playful when you are around them. Even when I am not around women I am playing with things and I notice even that sometimes is enough to attract their attention. I'm just a very finicky type of person I can't sit still for a minute and its made me into a very immature playful kinda guy. But godd highschool and college were some of the easiest times to get laid you really need to open your mind to the fact that its much easier than you think.

Fuck what you look like and your condition learn how to live in the moment and show someone a good time. Read comedy books or even books like "how to win friends and influence people" just realize you CAN get better with women it is built like a SKILL same way anything else in life is done. We are NOT just born being good with them. Same way we are not born knowing how to cook. Even the guys in highschool right now who you think are good they are NOT good with women you are just judging them based on your own lack of success. But I can find guys wayyy more successful than them. Its always that way and will always be that way. The word is "unfair". But if life was fair than we'd all have to live the same exact way, eat the same foods, wait in the same lines, fuck the same people... and god that would be anything but fair when you really think about it.

Use unfairness as an advantage. You will teach yourself how to be a more playful person and how to live in the moment more and create memories with people. Stop thinking you need to always say something special you do not it is about your tone, your presence, your undercurrence, THAT is what people pay attention to the most. Don't focus on your words focus on your attitude. Which like I said should be lighthearted and playful, with period of seriousness in between. In fact one thing I love to do is do something extremely immature that every knows is an obvious joke but I will be serious as fuck about it. Its called acting its something almost anyone can do. And women like that too. Read books about role playing, expand your horizon, there is a bigger world out there than you think. And way more accepting people than you think too. You just need to open your eyes and see it.

 

[herbavore]

i don't know any teenager who hasn't felt as you do. stay young as long as you can. it gets worse. build strong self esteem while you can. u'll need it later.

What??!! It doesn't get worse IME. Terrible things can happen at any age, and they do. But if 57 years of experience has taught me anything it is that 57 years worth of experience is worth everything:D

 

[effie]

^ agree! I only have 27 years of experience, and although some of the experiences I have been through later might on paper have looked worse, I've fotunately been able to handle them a lot better because of everything that has gone before them

Maniaz, I agree with what everyone has been saying. I know how frustrating it must be to hear "but you're only 18, that's so young, don't worry" but it is true. You are still finding out who you are. I would focus on that if I can, and it will help everything else (friends, a girl) to fall into place.

In practical terms, have you had speech therapy for your stammer? I'm sure you've looked into all the organisations who can help, but this one looks really good so I thought I'd post the link up, for yourself or for anyone else who finds this thread in a search. There are lot of ways it can be addressed these days. If you've already tried everything then I really wouldn't despair - good friends and a good girl would not care at all about it. You've almost got an inbuilt test, to filter out idiots and make sure you only get close to lovely people! I promise you, it won't matter to the right people. I appreciate this is not much consolation right now when you are lonely and down, but I hope it will be one day.

As for your last statement - I understand the sentiment entirely. Not wanting to derail your thread at all, but I lost my boyfriend 6 weeks ago. He was 25. It has made me evaluate my beliefs and faith in life a lot. Do you know what I think? Life isn't fair. There is no one overseeing it all, making sure we all get our quota of good and bad. If there was, how could war and famine happen? And how could Dave be taken at 25 when others much less bright and loving and wonderful stay?

But this thought is incredibly liberating. Firstly, because we are not being judged - bad things happen to good people, and vice versa. It is not our fault.
Secondly, because to me it means that we are in charge of ouy own life. You are right at the start of yours. And actually - going through a difficult time like this is a blessing in disguise - you will come through it a lot stronger and wiser than many of your peers.

Hang on in there - things will get better!

 

[nAON]

What everyone else said. It seems almost.. petty the things you are complaining about. And I can certainly relate because i'm also 18, fail socially, never had a proper 'girlfriend', etc. You just goto think postive, man. Your life could be a hell of a lot worse - just look about TDS. It also seems like you're trying to shift blame onto a lot of different things (drugs etc.)
What's your plans for the future? Having a proper goal can really help motivation. How far into college, or studies, are you? I can certainly understand the 'it's my only interest thing', so i'm not gonna suggest the usual 'go get more hobbies', but if you really enjoy doing animation, perhaps expand on the hobby. Other than your studies, are you doing any other animation work? I know there are HUGE communities for Flash animations online, sites like newgrounds which have hundreds of amateur submissions every day which then get rated by the community.

 

[xxsicknessxx]

I waited to have sex till 19. Big deal bro its not the end of the world. I have had plenty sense. a stammer is your issue? I was 455 pounds in my youth. I have sense lost all my weight and am a normal size but try being 455 pounds. Having kids call you fat. (I never used drugs) I got into drugs from a bad surgary. I never used them to escape life at least not in the start. Just if you don't like your job find a new one, if you want to get laid find a girl. Solve your problems. and your main problem is drugs. Your going to feel bad about your self, and under motivated so long as your on them. Untill you solve your major problem you can't work on your minor problems.

QUIT DRUGS DO IT NOW WHILE YOUR YOUNG ... you may not get better right away but in 5months you will wonder how you ever could of thought of killing your self.

Im 7months sober. After 9 years of use and working and girls and I lived life I did shit on drugs... I will tell you being sober is so much better..

IF you insist on doing drugs and you really won't quit either
a. go to a doctor get them legally or b. find better drugs that you can function better on.

 

[Syrax]

Not to be inconsiderate. And you alluded to it in your post...

These problems that seem overwhelming to you now... many people would sever digits, sometimes limbs to have over the fucking garbage dump they contend with on a daily basis.

1) The fact that you have a job is a serious positive, even if it's at McDonald's.

2) Your relationship with yourself is far more important than what you do with girls (I don't mean masturbation lol). Please remember that this whole idea of needing to lose your virginity by X age, etc etc is a societal construct. It's not real. You watch movies or whatever that tell you that if you haven't had sex by a certain age there's something wrong with you or you're less of a person. Those are the messages that our society sends to people. Funny how the same stigma isn't applied as heavily to girls... These are societal constructs that seem like a big deal at your age, but really aren't. You should try to develop a greater sense of self and understand your own motivations, thought patterns, etc.

Truthfully, if you're able to develop a greater sense of self you won't care as much about having sex and at the same time will probably have an easier time talking to girls, etc because it won't be such a big deal.

And as was already said, work on living in the moment, and just pushing yourself into uncomfortable social situations. You can make a lot of progress by doing this. Even if you have some embarrassing moments, it will most certainly help. You learn from experience. At your age that's how a lot of people you know are likely doing things. You just can't see how awkward it really is maybe. So many of them have no idea what they're doing. Things are going to be awkward at that age for most people, you just have to push through uncomfortable social situations.

And by the way, sometimes getting laid constantly in high school is not a good sign for a person's future. These people are more likely to have psychopathic tendencies later in life that are going to make things more difficult for them when they actually try to form an intimate emotional bond with another person.