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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

This F&*KING meth is ruining my life.

H

hh95

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 11, 2014
Messages
166
Hey BL,
First off mods if you wanna move this to somewhere more appropriate go ahead.
Okay so I need some tips, here it is. I used to be addicted to meth for about 2 years until I went to rehab 12 months ago. Went in for a month, relapsed the very day I got out. I didn't even go home I went straight to my dealer. 1 month later, back in there and I actually took it seriously and detoxed and managed to stay clean until about 6 months ago. I hadn't used since then up until 4 days ago, and well... I feel as if im back at square one.

It was my birthday 3 days ago and I thought fuck it I will get a point or two and treat myself for my birthday. I have recently moved and have NO social life aside from dealers I have met. So I scored a point and smoked it, was nowhere near satisfied. So I got another that satisfied me as my tolerance is down atm. I planned on spending x-amount of my birthday money on gear. Fast forward 3 days to now and I have smoked over a gram and a half over the last 4 days and am fucking broke craving more like a bitch. FUCK.

I guess is what I am getting at is. What do I do? I feel like going and doing stupid shit to get money. I am anxious as fuck and have no benzos. I think deep down I sorta knew this would happen and tried to justify/rationalise my use in my own head. But once the idea pops into my head I cant get rid of it and I think "Your gonna give in eventually so why not just fucking do it now and put yourself out of your misery". How do I avert this thought process? I know this has been bought up a million times and everyone just says benzos or Seroquel but I have neither.

And also is there anything someone can recommend for withdrawa/come downl that is natural/otc that will help take the edge off available in Australia.


So yeh don't do meth kiddies or you end up like this. Cooked brain, strung out with no memory, empty wallet, nothing to lose and feeling like either risking going to jail or tying a noose. I wouldn't wish this hell upon anyone.

Thanks as always,
HH95
 
I know Kratom is used to treat opiate addiction, but maybe it would help. It's legal and available for purchase at many vendors on the internet. From what I've read (I haven't used it), it's similar to an opiate high but can be stimulating. It's nothing like meth, I assume (Again, I've never used meth. That's on my list of, "never do's."), but perhaps it would help take the edge off. It's a natural herbal remedy like you asked for.

I have no experience with addiction, so I can't be much help, but I wish you the best. Cutting off these negative influences (the dealers) would be a good start. They may be your friends, but you don't want friends that hold you down; you want friends that help you up.

Hope you figure this out. Life is too short to live in the hell of addiction.
 
Hey man, sorry for how you feel. The kratom also has residual stimulating effects like after all the fun part of the stimulant is gone and you have that not so pleasant residual stimulation you don't want kind of shit. I thought I heard that codeine was over the counter in OZ. stock up on some of that. Its by no means perfect, but it may straighten out your head and possibly relax you a little bit. If you use the codeine, remember its for maintenance not getting blasted on.
I'm sure you have weed down there. That should help, or at least take your mind off things.
Lastly, if you have herb stores down there, get herbs like valerian root, passionflower, or skullcap. They are relaxing sedative herbs.
Hope this helps.
 
Thanks for the reply and best wishes mate, I was thinking of Kratom however it is scheduled here and lets just say my track record with customs and border patrol is not exactly great so importing is out of the option. However I can buy it off the street where I live but it is expensive as fuck and I sortve don't wanna trade one addiction for another. I guess it could be worth the investment just for the initial withdrawal/comedown to take the edge off. I have kicked this shit before and I will kick it again but, at the moment im going through a lot of personal shit and only just 1 week ago by the most bullshit of coincidences finally got a consistent-high quality supplier. How do you get rid of those friends/suppliers that give you your favorite thing in the whole wide world and sometimes for free if you hook up sales? Its so damn hard not to keep going back! Plus im lonely so the company is nice aswell.

Sorry if this post reads bad, im scat as fuck at the moment.

HH95
 
Banging it isn't any better than smoking it in my opinion. Sure the rush is intense and all but, I personally think after 10 to 15 minutes it is no different to smoking the shit. I just didn't think it was worth the hassle/anxiety that goes with shooting up for a 15 minute buzz.
Thanks Speed King for the tips on the natural herbs I will look into that tomorrow as I have a herbal shop nearby that ive never been into. I like how you mentioned codeine because that was the only thing I could really think of and maybe Phenergan for sleep. My weed tolerance is ridiculously high as im a daily smoker so it doesn't really sedate me much at all anymore. Once again thanks for the replies guys much appreciated!

HH95
 
hh95 said:
Hey BL,
But once the idea pops into my head I cant get rid of it and I think "Your gonna give in eventually so why not just fucking do it now and put yourself out of your misery". How do I avert this thought process?

HH95
Click to expand...

First of all remind yourself that this is not you talking to you this is addiction talking to you (and lying). I find that the best thing I can do when I have this kind of fatalistic and self-destructive thinking is to have some sort of verbal response that I have at the ready. So when my mind slings that fatalistic anxiety producing shit at me I can immediately counter with something to diffuse it. In your case it might be as simple as "that's addiction talking and I'm not going to listen."
 
Of course. That's the 'devil' speaking louder than yourself. Some refer to the inner child who can't await for anything.

Although the following may sound like a cliché - do try to live one day at a time. And if 24 hours is a lot, break the day in different parts, an hour if you must. Make a commitment to yourself that now you won't do it. Sleep on it and keep trying until you manage one day, and from there build your own thoughts on how best life can be without addiction.
 
Hey man, I think you are doing really well actually. You are at a crossroads right now but I think you are making the right choice. You are realizing this is not for you. Relapse is relapse, it happens. We like drugs and use them from time to time. You did rehab once. Then twice and did better. You will do better this time too. You go through a phase where you work through your rationalizations and keep getting more on track each time. That is progress you just have to make that choice now that you aren't going to rationalize using anymore. You simply can not use meth even sporadically, no big deal, that's just how it is for you. You know what to do, just do it. Don't replace with it anything. Just stop. I know, easier said than done...but you got this. Just a matter of taking care of that now.
 
hh95 said:
But once the idea pops into my head I cant get rid of it and I think "Your gonna give in eventually so why not just fucking do it now and put yourself out of your misery". How do I avert this thought process?
Click to expand...

Because if you answer the question honestly, it's not actually true, is it? People don't give in eventually. In the long run the vast majority do in fact break free of addictive/impulsive thoughts and feelings. It really does fuck off with time.

And when you're in that moment and it's sucking you down, consider this approach.

One the one hand accept that, yes, you really could take some and give in, it's always a choice, always a possibility, and you have the option to do it.

BUT: why it is that you've been trying to break free of meth all this time? Try to remember all those negative thoughts and feelings that happen after you've been on it again, how it fucks up your life. Give your mind permission to associate meth with that screwed up ball of negative and repulsive feelings that come with it as well, not just the nice, wonderful rushing feelings. Then ask yourself if you really do want to take it this time? Maybe another day.

When you're able to balance out the feeling equation with the honest reality of how meth affects your life, and you remember and feel all those negatives, you'd be amazed how much more control you get over that initial exciting impulse.
 
Thanks for the replies guys! I am probably at the hardest stage of relapse right now, I ended up getting shouted again lastnight and couldn't say no. However my dealer is leaving for a few days and I wont be able to get on which will give me a few days to totally come down. I feel fucking awful at the moment and that is a good thing I know because it is just reinforcing why I chose to give this shit up. I think after the 3 days of feeling like nothing in the world is good, it starts to get easier.

I also found herbavore's advice of actually verbalizing the rationalisations (if that makes sense), It really sort've tells that craving to fuck off better than if you just said it in your head. Who woulda thought something so simple would be so helpful.

Thanks for the support guys
<3
HH95
 
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