• ✍️ WORDS ✍️

    Welcome Guest!

  • Words Moderators: Shambles

~thirsty~

neverwas

neverwas

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 23, 2002
Messages
6,705
Location
The yellow brick road!
i wish i could tell you
all the things you want me to say.
but you bend me over
and strip me naked.
rope up my hands
and tighten my gag.
push me to floor
cause now...

now you really want to play.

eyes full of mischief
and hands ready to explore.
you tell me...
im gonna leave on you my trade mark.
im gonna leave you crying...
begging me for more.

i point to my breast and signal for you cut.
i've always wanted to watch you do this.
ive always wanted to see you drink my blood.
but instead you flash the knife around,
like its only but a toy.
then you cut my thigh
and begin to lick around.
i tingle with pleasure.
you know how to handle this.
use me like a toy.

you scratch me with your nails
as your fingers dig harsh and deep.
i wince in pain and tremble for you.
but pain is pleasure...
you said i would want more...

and i did.

you make me want you...
you make me desire you.
i crave you.
now i want some more...

thirsty for your touch
longing to feel your skin.
i will pleasure you
and you will hurt me.

with pain comes pleasure...

with pleasure comes sin. ;)
 
You guys are into some kinky shit. LOL
I like this one a lot... you're good at giving the reader a good visual and feel what you're feeling.
Good job girly;)
 
Hot.

like its only but a toy.
Click to expand...
This is sort of redundant

"like it's nothing but a toy"

Makes more sense.

use me like a toy
Click to expand...
Since you've already compared the knife to a toy earlier in this stanza, perhaps you could say:

"use me like that knife"
or
"use me like you use the knife"

This will avoid using the word "toy" twice in one stanza - unless that's the way you want it to read.
 
Syberduh: hehe thanx for that input :) i actually re-wrote it with some of ur suggestions :) which are always welcome. but it reads the way i want it to now :)
 
Sorry, I posted before I realized that the forum guidelines said not to critique unless it's asked for. Thanks for not being pissed at me ;)
 
Syberduh said:
Sorry, I posted before I realized that the forum guidelines said not to critique unless it's asked for. Thanks for not being pissed at me ;)
Click to expand...

why would i be pissed at you silly. u were only commenting. everyone comments :) i like comments ;)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top