Mental Health Thinking of re admitting myself

[Americanfloosie]

My psychiatrist couldn't keep our last appointment and I'm not sure I could wait another month.
He refilled my scripts but I really wanted to actually talk with him.
I just can't go on like this. Everyday is a struggle to basically survive. I have this thought telling me to end it. Everyone would be better off without me. I'm clinging on. I can't stand waking up or going to bed. I wish I could enjoy life again but it's a struggle a big struggle against that voice telling me to just get it over with.
What do I do?

 

[Phil.McKeer]

You know that voice is lying. Has your shrink taught you how to self-administer cognitive behavioral therapy?

Whatever you do, don't believe the lies you're telling yourself about your "worthlessness". It isn't true and you know it. Think of how many people would be heartbroken if such a thing happened. You might think at first they wouldn't, but if you think about it logically you know it's true - your parents, friends, etc...they'd be devastated.

Not to mention you'd rob yourself of the chance to gain mastery over your life again and be happy. It is possible. Hang in there, OP.

The support here is awesome. Keep your presence on here and you'll get a bunch of support from these wonderful people.

 

[Chatative]

I'm sorry to hear you are going through a hard time. Be assured that things will get better however bleak they may seem at the moment & it's certainly not the case that everyone would be better off without you. Negative thoughts have a way of cementing these ideas in your head when they are really not the case. I'm sure there are many people who would be devastated to lose you. Remember, with some real effort & the right support things can always get better; it might take time but they will.

Would it be possible to give your psychiatrist a call? Mine has always told me if I have any problems between appointments, I can always call to discuss things & if needed schedule an appointment sooner. If that's not possible though & things continue to escalate & there seems no way out, I would certainly re-admit yourself. Your wellbeing is the number one priority.

 

[Americanfloosie]

Thank you both for your kind words. It's hard to stop ruminating on the negatives. I think I will call my shrink on Monday to see if he can get me in sooner.
I hate this. I hate these thoughts and the never ending feeling of hopelessness. I hate how I'm already hurting my family by being this way. My Mother doesn't understand my depression and it just makes me feel guilty when I talk to her about it. She straight up told me she doesn't understand how I could be depressed. She always makes it about her. She keeps saying how she was such a good mom and doesn't understand how I could be unhappy. As if the way your raised has some sort of impact on wether or not you will become depressed. I'm 27 too which makes it even more awkward because she still treats me like a teenager. She thinks this is a phase, which would be awesome if that were the case. The first time I tried to commit suicide she wasn't really there for me. I was yelled at and grounded. For months after she would be so cold towards me as if I had stolen from her or got caught with drugs or something. Ever since I was released I get those same looks. Maybe I'm being paranoid but my entire family now knows I was in the hospital and now they are acting strange towards me. My sister said I did it for attention. I didn't even want them to know but my mom opened her big mouth and told everyone. And all of this just makes the guilt and the bad thoughts ten times worse. It's like if they don't like me right now what's the point in sticking around? I should distance myself from them for a while but I have a one and a half year old daughter and I can't be a bitch and not let them see her.
Things felt better today but I'm still fighting the thoughts every moment. I can't wait until I find relief from this. I want to live. I want my life to be full and happy. I don't want to force my happiness anymore I want it to just be there without any thought.
Thanks again friends. It's nice to hear such good things for once.
xxx

 

[blowpipe]

It's absolutely pathetic how your family acts. But don't let that bring you down, especially not now that you're a grown person. I myself had questionable parents, which is why I moved out and distanced myself away from them to such an extent, where I feel I don't care about all their drama, as soon as possible.

Don't think about your mother or how little she thinks of your depression. Depression is a real thing and the last thing you need is someone who says "oh it's nothing, it'll pass" or something along those lines. Try to surround yourself with people who understand what you feel and are going through. Focus on raising your child, it's very important for a mother. You would never want to leave her if you decided to let go. So don't. Try talking with your partner or someone who is supportive otherwise.

I understand really well what you mean by "I don't want to force my happiness, I want it to just be there without any thought". That's exactly how I've felt for quite some time. In my case it's not that bad, but it's still fairly debilitating. I don't think there's a cure that will definitely work for everyone, so all I can say is: be with people who support you and think about and focus on your daughter, who I assume you love a lot; try to spend more time doing things you honestly enjoy. Try not to be alone and without action too much. From personal experience, the times when I'm alone and don't have anything to do are the worst, I focus on the bad feelings so much it leads me to think really messed up stuff.

Last but not least, I hope you get out of this. Alive. "I know it seems hard at times, but remember one thing. After every dark night, there's a bright day after that" - 2Pac

 

[mandraxx]

Don't be so quick to admit yourself. I understand you need to talk someone - why couldn't your psych keep his appt.? Is it possible to arrange an impromptu meeting? Perhaps via skype? I have done skype with a previous psychiatrist and it really helped in some ways, I mean I didn't have to worry about waking up at this time and that - all I had to do was shower and get in front of my computer. I'm just saying it's a possibility if you're not up to going out. As far as admitting yourself, just remember that if you do you might limit yourself in ways more than you are now. It might seem impossible to wake up in your place right now, but you have conveniences and things at hand that probably won't be available at a facility. I don't know a lot about you, but if you love soda and cigarettes, you won't have those. And you will have to re-learn a lot of things in a new environment. Perhaps I am preaching to the choir. Maybe you do know better. You may even have a facility in mind with professionals you know that will give you the peace you need, but maybe there is someone else you can talk to? You have your refills as you say, which is really good. Are you taking them as prescribed? It can be easy to forget about our medicine or even discard it. That can lead to problems without even knowing it. Please let us know how you make out. Just remember there are so many other options, even if you feel like $hit, believe it as I know from experience - you can make it without having to go the hospital route. Do keep us posted and best,

mandraxx

 

[Boku_]

Try and clear your mind of negative thoughts, remember things will pass if you stick it out. i Too sometimes feel suicidal especially when i am changing meds and i find lying down in bed even if your not going to sleep will help calm you down.

If things get really bad is there a crisis action team or mental health phone line you can ring and talk to someone? worst case scenario go to your local emergency department and talk to them, they may be able to give you some valium and refer you to another specialist that can help you deal with your problems

 

[silverwheel]

After reading your posts, I do feel that a hospital may be a good option for you. Try to find out which ones in your area have a good behavioral health wing. I say this because of a feeling I get reading your posts. I think acute treatment will do you a lot of good right now. Plus, a good behavioral health hospital will have a lot of opportunities for group therapy, which will be a good environment for you to vent and hold forth about the poor way you are being treated by your family. The hospital is a safe place and you will be interacting with people who will be sympathetic and supportive.

As far as admitting yourself, just remember that if you do you might limit yourself in ways more than you are now. It might seem impossible to wake up in your place right now, but you have conveniences and things at hand that probably won't be available at a facility. I don't know a lot about you, but if you love soda and cigarettes, you won't have those. And you will have to re-learn a lot of things in a new environment.

This is terribly shallow advice. You won't be in a hospital permanently, and won't have to "re-learn" anything. And a good hospital will also have good outpatient treatment once the acute phase is over; if they don't do it themselves, they certainly can set you up with someone that does. It sounds like you need better treatment than you're getting right now, and a hospital will be an excellent starting point for that.

 

[Boku_]

Great advice silverwheel. The times i've been to the mental hospital i have only been there a few weeks and lets face it Valium helps when your psychotic