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thinking about using opiates again

N

neutrino

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 6, 2009
Messages
40
I am so ready to jump back in this life. Years clean, and my life is just as humiliating as it ever was as a junkie. If I have weed, I can manage to get through the day, when I run out and take a look at this life I'm leading, all I really can do is cry and lay in bed.
 
Whatever you do, do not use. It will only get worse.

Using drugs is a farcry from what you actually need to do which is start making small changes that help your situation.

I am not doing that great as far as work and health are concerned, but I am making small changes as I go to improve my conditions. Have you considered checking out mental health help? You may have a problem that could use medication. Depressive disorders cause people to be overly negative, sluggish, unmotivated...etc. I would at least go see someone to talk about the problems you are facing.

Something you should try that is kind of stupid when doing it, but the finished product is nice, is a gratitude list. Write down things you are grateful for, or happy about. Do five every day. In no time you will realize that you really do have good things in your life.
 
Neutrino, you mentioned that you've got years clean... did you feel this way all that time, or is the urge to pick up again a new thing?
 
IMO getting dirty again, as glamorous as it seems now, will make things in life worse than they are now. Spending time outside, drinking lots of water, eating well, lots of exercise all help but the one thing that has helped me stay clean is creating music and art. It feels so incredible to create something you can be proud of. Find meaningful activities to fill your day with. And don't give up!
 
As ArrestedDevelopment rightly reminds you, picking up will only make things worse.

But, when you catch yourself muttering in your head "aw, fuck it, I'm going to do it anyway," all the logic in the world crumbles. At least it does for me.

I hope you haven't started using again. If you haven't, know that we want to help. You can write on BL why it's bad enough to burn everything down. And if you have, remember: that's no failure: it's a small set-back during a huge project.

Let us know what's up. Or just tell us how fucked things are. We've all been there. You're not alone. Just be good to yourself!
 
Said well simco. I agree with all these posts. Ive been in the same position youre in and i said fuck it and started back and things got worse twice as quick and my habit got out of control in like a week. Im not a weed cop. Smoke up if it helps you but your job is to make sure you dont start again. Dude, im 40 and rent a loft in a crazy house with no money and an ostomy bag i hate my dam life. Everyday i wanna take 10 dilaudids or shoot um like i was till recently. But i remember what i learned in the school of life. When i abuse substances i suck at everything and when i dont im more efficent and i dont have the guilt. The guilt if you start again will kill you. Let us know whats up either way. One thing you wont get out here is judgement. We do care so check in with us. Good luck!
 
You keep up the good work closeau! You can do amazing things with your life, you'll see. All that you have to do is keep trying. Just try not to be too hard on yourself. Wishing you the best my friend <3 :)
 
Thanks buddy. Right now its like pulling myself out of a muddy ditch on side of road. At least odds have changes. I would say 2/3 of me didnt care about anything including living and now its 2/3 the other way. I have the force inside of me, i know i do and i got great buds like you. Thank you for your inspiration and compassion my friend!!
 
It sounds to me like you are depressed. Im not the biggest fan of SSRIs but they work wonders for some people. Have you ever tried them? In the meantime just keep smoking weed. Getting back on opiates is only going to make you more miserable. Though I know the pull is really strong. There are days where I have the exact thoughts about saying fuck everything moving to a place with open air markets and ECP and shooting dope till I die. But then I count to 10 or smoke a bowl and reality sets back in. You know what im saying? Opaiate addiction is fucking misery for the most part. Even if finances aren't a factor there is always some bullshit to deal with, At least thats been my experience.
 
neutrino said:
I am so ready to jump back in this life. Years clean, and my life is just as humiliating as it ever was as a junkie. If I have weed, I can manage to get through the day, when I run out and take a look at this life I'm leading, all I really can do is cry and lay in bed.
Click to expand...

Maybe you can get to a MMJ state and stay on it long-term? Cannabis is a lot healthier than opiate use.
 
ArrestdDevelopment said:
There's no problem that using won't make worse.
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One of of the truest quotes I've read
please don't use. I'm sure you remember all to well the hell of quitting years ago. You've made it this far and I'd hate to see you suffer again :(
im just a pm away if you need to talk or just an ear to listen:) please stop and think before using. Think of everything bad it caused and use that knowledge to not want the sickness again. I have physical pain. A lot of it. 9 days clean now and yesterday my body hurt so much. An oxy would have taken that away but it would have also taken a bit of me with it It took enough so I refuse to let it take anymore. Your strong because you beat it. Remember that strength please
keep us posted and keep your chin up. Before I was an addict and went through wd I never realized the strength and determination it takes to detox. You have both of that. Please be well and do what you just did. Reach out to us all. We're all here rooting for ya and wishing you the best✌️
 
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