Hi there. I would like to share a powerful experience I had over the weekend which will (hopefully) explain my decision to try MDMA.
My friends and I planned to go to a labor day BBQ. I offered to be the DD for the night. I arrived at our staging house to pick everyone up and get our pasta salad ready. I noticed one guy in particular whom I've never met before. I'll call him 'K'. I was very sexually attracted to K (I am a gay man), but I knew he was straight so I tried not to dwell on it. I didn't form a very high opinion of K because he came off as a bit arrogant. I watched him pre-game with everyone, as is normal for a college party. Everyone was pretty content at this point, but K wanted to go a little harder. In addition to alcohol he started smoking weed... then he snorted a line of Ritalin... then he snorted a line of MDMA. I was slightly concerned about this, but my concern was short lived. Eventually it became time to leave, we all piled in to my car, and we went to the BBQ.
Everything started out well. There were normal (and hilarious!) college shenanigans going on, and I am pleased with my decision to not drink that night, so that I could remember all the details. I went from room to room checking out the different mini-parties. About two hours in to the night I saw K. I had completely forgot about him since I knew he was a straight guy, and I had no business trying to hit on him (he also formed a bad impression with me due to his ego). K started a conversation with me, but that's not what got my attention. What got my attention was that his pupils were extremely dilated, his skin was warm and clamy, and he had sweat pouring off of his face. I have a particular interest in biochemistry/medicine, and I knew that these signs were not good at all. Then I started to listen to what he was saying. He was asking me what my major was. While this is a pretty standard question among college kids, the fact that he asked me 3 times in 5 minutes concerned me. Moreover, when he spoke, he did so in soft, short fragments, and he had no real coherent train of thought. His actual words were not slurred though. This is definitely not what I associate with alcohol. As an infrequent LSD user, I am familiar with the term 'word salad', and I think that his particular condition could more accurately be described as a 'sentence salad'. As all of these thoughts rushed through my head, I remembered all the drugs K did and became deeply concerned. I asked him if I could take his pulse, and it was very shallow (~60 bpm). I was expecting the complete opposite with a stimulant like MDMA, but I guess the depressants he took complicated things a bit.
He sat down on the couch next to me, and something very interesting happened. I looked in to his eyes and saw a completely different person than who I met before the party. Without even exchanging many words, I could feel a wave of empathy emanating from him. His arrogant demeanor was completely gone, and he spoke to me as a loving mother would to their child. No ego, just pure love. I had never met anyone on Molly before tonight, and I was blown away. I asked him what it was like to be on Molly. He looked past me with a huge grin on his face and told me he would talk about it after the party. My sexual attraction for K and my concern for his well being became very strong, and I started to follow him around the house to make sure he was OK.
A little while later I took him outside so that he could cool off a bit -- the house was very hot. We sat on a bench outside, and I asked him some questions I knew he would not remember the next day. I asked if he hated gay people, and in his soft, loving voice he explained to me that his best friends are gay, and that he even thought he was gay for a while. I told him that I thought he was very attractive. He didn't respond with bigotry or hatred, but alas he did say that he was straight. I told him that I understood, and our conversation continued. He told me that he feels sad because others judge him for selling weed. He went on further to explain that he is very poor, and he is trying to sell weed to save up money for community college. While this definitely isn't the worst of evils that could happen to this kid, I was shocked that Mr. Tough Guy just opened up to me like that. I felt like I had a window in to the kid's soul, and my heart bled for him. I no longer saw K as some douche-bag stoner. I saw him as a puppy that had been kicked too many times, and I could feel every kick. I almost wonder if his rampant and dangerous drug use is the result of deep underlying emotional problems he is facing. I wanted to help him.
A drunk freshman girl came outside and completely derailed our conversation. K completely lost all train of thought and ran back in to the party. I was pissed at her, but I knew that I had monopolized quite enough of K's time, so I let him rejoin the party. More shenanigans occurred during the night (which included cuts on K's legs and a broken street sign), but eventually he did survive, sans his prescription Ray Bans.
Even though I did not take a drug, I felt I was on one when I was with K. I took this opportunity to learn a valuable life lesson: People build all kinds of castles in front of their soul in an attempt hide who they really are. Someone may be a bully, they may be hateful towards others, but they are merely projecting on to others how they feel about themselves.
I want to take MDMA because I want to feel the unconditional love that K was feeling. I want to see the mountain's summit. I want to be a student. I have done a lot of research and have gotten many first-hand accounts from others. One person told me that I should never do Molly because "it is TOO good". Others have described the awful depression they feel for the next few days. My online research has led me to believe that there are serious neurotoxic effects on the brain after just one dose. Despite this, I feel that a 125 mg dose taken once will not be that bad for my brain in the grand scheme of things, considering that I take lots of risks already, such as riding my bike down huge hills without a helmet. I will be taking 5-HTP twice daily, three days before rolling, and three days after. I will also take multivitamins (A, C, and E, at the very least) to mitigate oxidative stress. Does anyone have any other tips to reduce the potential physical damage?
Two friends of mine wanted to bring me to a concert to roll, but because I only want to do this once in my life (at this time), I am not sure if I want to listen to music for the entire duration (I can listen to music in my room). Is there a benefit to doing Molly in a huge crowd of drunk people? I am very extroverted, but I think that a stroll through the woods may be ideal. Where are your favorite places to roll? Why?
Thanks for reading!
My friends and I planned to go to a labor day BBQ. I offered to be the DD for the night. I arrived at our staging house to pick everyone up and get our pasta salad ready. I noticed one guy in particular whom I've never met before. I'll call him 'K'. I was very sexually attracted to K (I am a gay man), but I knew he was straight so I tried not to dwell on it. I didn't form a very high opinion of K because he came off as a bit arrogant. I watched him pre-game with everyone, as is normal for a college party. Everyone was pretty content at this point, but K wanted to go a little harder. In addition to alcohol he started smoking weed... then he snorted a line of Ritalin... then he snorted a line of MDMA. I was slightly concerned about this, but my concern was short lived. Eventually it became time to leave, we all piled in to my car, and we went to the BBQ.
Everything started out well. There were normal (and hilarious!) college shenanigans going on, and I am pleased with my decision to not drink that night, so that I could remember all the details. I went from room to room checking out the different mini-parties. About two hours in to the night I saw K. I had completely forgot about him since I knew he was a straight guy, and I had no business trying to hit on him (he also formed a bad impression with me due to his ego). K started a conversation with me, but that's not what got my attention. What got my attention was that his pupils were extremely dilated, his skin was warm and clamy, and he had sweat pouring off of his face. I have a particular interest in biochemistry/medicine, and I knew that these signs were not good at all. Then I started to listen to what he was saying. He was asking me what my major was. While this is a pretty standard question among college kids, the fact that he asked me 3 times in 5 minutes concerned me. Moreover, when he spoke, he did so in soft, short fragments, and he had no real coherent train of thought. His actual words were not slurred though. This is definitely not what I associate with alcohol. As an infrequent LSD user, I am familiar with the term 'word salad', and I think that his particular condition could more accurately be described as a 'sentence salad'. As all of these thoughts rushed through my head, I remembered all the drugs K did and became deeply concerned. I asked him if I could take his pulse, and it was very shallow (~60 bpm). I was expecting the complete opposite with a stimulant like MDMA, but I guess the depressants he took complicated things a bit.
He sat down on the couch next to me, and something very interesting happened. I looked in to his eyes and saw a completely different person than who I met before the party. Without even exchanging many words, I could feel a wave of empathy emanating from him. His arrogant demeanor was completely gone, and he spoke to me as a loving mother would to their child. No ego, just pure love. I had never met anyone on Molly before tonight, and I was blown away. I asked him what it was like to be on Molly. He looked past me with a huge grin on his face and told me he would talk about it after the party. My sexual attraction for K and my concern for his well being became very strong, and I started to follow him around the house to make sure he was OK.
A little while later I took him outside so that he could cool off a bit -- the house was very hot. We sat on a bench outside, and I asked him some questions I knew he would not remember the next day. I asked if he hated gay people, and in his soft, loving voice he explained to me that his best friends are gay, and that he even thought he was gay for a while. I told him that I thought he was very attractive. He didn't respond with bigotry or hatred, but alas he did say that he was straight. I told him that I understood, and our conversation continued. He told me that he feels sad because others judge him for selling weed. He went on further to explain that he is very poor, and he is trying to sell weed to save up money for community college. While this definitely isn't the worst of evils that could happen to this kid, I was shocked that Mr. Tough Guy just opened up to me like that. I felt like I had a window in to the kid's soul, and my heart bled for him. I no longer saw K as some douche-bag stoner. I saw him as a puppy that had been kicked too many times, and I could feel every kick. I almost wonder if his rampant and dangerous drug use is the result of deep underlying emotional problems he is facing. I wanted to help him.
A drunk freshman girl came outside and completely derailed our conversation. K completely lost all train of thought and ran back in to the party. I was pissed at her, but I knew that I had monopolized quite enough of K's time, so I let him rejoin the party. More shenanigans occurred during the night (which included cuts on K's legs and a broken street sign), but eventually he did survive, sans his prescription Ray Bans.
Even though I did not take a drug, I felt I was on one when I was with K. I took this opportunity to learn a valuable life lesson: People build all kinds of castles in front of their soul in an attempt hide who they really are. Someone may be a bully, they may be hateful towards others, but they are merely projecting on to others how they feel about themselves.
I want to take MDMA because I want to feel the unconditional love that K was feeling. I want to see the mountain's summit. I want to be a student. I have done a lot of research and have gotten many first-hand accounts from others. One person told me that I should never do Molly because "it is TOO good". Others have described the awful depression they feel for the next few days. My online research has led me to believe that there are serious neurotoxic effects on the brain after just one dose. Despite this, I feel that a 125 mg dose taken once will not be that bad for my brain in the grand scheme of things, considering that I take lots of risks already, such as riding my bike down huge hills without a helmet. I will be taking 5-HTP twice daily, three days before rolling, and three days after. I will also take multivitamins (A, C, and E, at the very least) to mitigate oxidative stress. Does anyone have any other tips to reduce the potential physical damage?
Two friends of mine wanted to bring me to a concert to roll, but because I only want to do this once in my life (at this time), I am not sure if I want to listen to music for the entire duration (I can listen to music in my room). Is there a benefit to doing Molly in a huge crowd of drunk people? I am very extroverted, but I think that a stroll through the woods may be ideal. Where are your favorite places to roll? Why?
Thanks for reading!
