Thinking about my future

Sometimes I struggle to see the point in getting clean. Beneath their addictions, a lot of drug addicts are fairly normal people - once they stop using they are able to slowly get their lives back on track, and become happy productive members of society.

It's not so easy for me. Even without drugs, I'll still be a physically and mentally ill transsexual girl with no work experience, no fancy qualifications, and little money to my name. I'll probably be unemployed, and unemployable, for the rest of my life.

My future doesn't look very promising at all. It sounds pessimistic, but I think it's realistic. I honestly don't know what to do. Without drugs, what is there for me? I've been searching for some purpose, or some direction to my life, and still I haven't found it. I have a girlfriend who I love dearly and want to spend my life with... but I don't seem to have much of a life, really.

 

I feel ya there. But then again its my goal to make drugs a part of my life till I die.

 

I'm realizing that being clean is a slow payoff. After a bit self-confidence becomes a reality and being comfortable with my flaws and positives is pretty cool. Just remember, Its NOT EASY in the beginning but the emotions, the pain, the frustration, the powerful obsessions and self-doubt actually teach something about ourselves and who we are in our natural state.

Before you know it, you start feeling somewhat positive. This is just my experience but I hear it is very similar for others as well.

You NEVER know what good things lfe will throw at you when you start doing the right thing for the right reason and make an effort on positive change.

Just my two pennies