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Benzos Think I've finally damaged myself with benzos

N

Ninae

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 18, 2010
Messages
4,522
I'm so weak/stupid with drugs. Now for the first time I think I've gotten into a real problem with benzos. I used to be able to take them on and off without any problems, and this has been going on for many years, but now I think I've used so much I'm finally dependent and have to keep abusing or go through withdrawal.

I've already been through it a few times after using benzos for over a month consecuteviley before Christmas. It's not that I enjoy benzos so much, I barely notice anything from them, or they only make me feel marginally better. So I've never been tempted to abuse them or gotten myself into that before. I only really got into a problem with them after I started using stimulants so I needed them for the side effects reguarly, and as a replacement for stronger drugs, so in the end I was using them so much I thought I might as well use them every day.

I just thought - so many years and never had any problems with benzos. Didn't feel like it could become a personal problem, even if well aware that it can. But now there's been a LOT of abuse before I started to suffer when running out. They still don't tempt me much for their effect as they would have in a sober state. But the desire to avoid withdrawal is sure strong, and once you've seen how addictive they can be you might feel like you need them to function in every day life. As withdrawal sure makes you dysfunctional, in a worse way than harder drugs for many reasons. I don't find the depression is that bad, but I find the other effects of general dysfunction, like crippling anxiety and paranoia, lack of memory, lack of sleep, and generally showing much of the same side effects as someone who's been overdoing stimulants, is something I really want to avoid and is something you can justify addiction with.

In a way, I think it's worse, as it's something you can function on in everyday-life and doesn't seem like something very dangerous when you start using them. As opposed to party-drugs that start showing their side-effects right away. There's no way of knowing when they will become a problem. Anyway, I just feel I either need to settle down with an addiction (bad idea) or give them up completely, as I really can't stand going through ups and downs like these many more times.

Now I've done so much damage to my body-chemistry that was naturally better than most's, anyway. I've needed to abuse any drug seriously before I started seeing any side-effects or addicion-problems. I also recover from withdrawls quite quickly with few problems, so I think I can still heal, but I feel so psychologically worn-out it's the last think I want to deal with right now. Or do you think it's just mindless use that is finally starting to show the signs?
 
First we need more detailed information about your abuse: What Benzos are you taking, how much and for how long daily?

Ninae said:
I also recover from withdrawls quite quickly with few problems, so I think I can still heal, but I feel so psychologically worn-out it's the last think I want to deal with right now.
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Benzodiazepine WD can last for months, depending on the substance, the doses and the length of abuse. Just throwing a warning out here.
Get a professional taper plan and then jump off as long as it is still possible to do. It will only get worse.
 
I've noticed it get's worse, as last time I was really sick after just 8 days of use (which has never had to be a problem).

But I don't think the problems always come because the human body is so vulnerable. In some cases, I think the human body is remarkably resilient, and most of the problems comes from mindless use and ignoring every guideline. Especially if you're using different drugs on and off and never really learn everything about one drug properly.

This can become more of a problem than if you're just using one kind of drug, as it's a lot of work to learn all the guidelines for all the different drugs, and keep them all in mind. Especially with drugs as different as Sedatives and Stimulants (which are basically the opposite in effects). I just feel this is a situation that could be avoided for many if they worried more about it before the harm ocurred.
 
Benzo w\d is not fun but its manageable. Your best weapon is exercise and other sedatives like NyQuil and chamomile tea. If you can get sleeptime tea and use 2 bags per cup it definitely can help you sleep.

Mod Note: This is Horrible Advice that could potentially be lethal for some
 
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Hi Ninae

I cold turkeyed from valium and it was the worst thing I ever did, I went back on it and have tapered right down, just got the last little bit to go at 2.2mg. I'm cutting daily, becuase I cut monthly and that was too big a bump, I started cutting fortnightly and that got to be too big of a bump when sx kicked in, in the end, I started cutting a tiny bit daily, with the help of benzodetoxrecovery.com and I am all but healed from the more nasty of sx.

It sounds as if you are getting withdrawal symptoms now, and I fully understand the need to take them to avoid withdrawal sx.
Benzo wd is in a class of it's own.

Unlike opoids which are addictive and have withdrawls, benzos actually injure the receptors so that they need careful tapering. I find that my daily cuts are up-regulating my receptors very slightly every day, and I feel better and better as I go along, provided, I keep my little cuts the right size. I know when to adjust them as sx show through. Magnesium citrate has been very successful for my muscle aches.

I also used them to come down off stims, but valerian does just as good a job, if not better, however I had to stop taking amphetamines because the fluid retention that amphets cause, gave me very swollen feet and ankles and I could hardly walk without pain.

What benzo are you taking?
How much do you take and how often?
We need to know these details to help you sort out a taper plan.

It is not true that benzo tapers need to be painful. Benzodetoxrecovery.com helped me, but, unfortunately they are not taking members at this time.
What you need to do is this,
If you are on a short acting benzo, you need to gradually do a crossover to a longer acting one like Clonazeapm or Diazepam, that way, you're less likely to get any interdose withdrawal symptoms, and more importantly, you will have a smooth blood benzo level, which is required for a successful taper.
You NEED to take the same amount of the same benzo daily. DO NOT split pills.
Benzos like diazepam and clonazepam mix very evenly with whole homogenized milk, and you can get really accurate doses with these.
You need to start off on an amount of benzo that makes you feel stable. By stable, I don't mean totally better, just functional enough to get through your day.
Then, I would calculate 0.3% of your daily dose and cut by that every day.
You can use syringes for measuring, that way, things stay accurate.
You will need some jars, a big one for your mix and small ones for dosing.
Doing it this way will ease much of your sx and you will find that you also feel better the more you taper.
You can also increase the daily cuts gradually, so that you find your best cut.
Daily tapering often is quicker than the old style cut and hold tapers.
This is because on a graph, a daily taper is like a smooth curve downwards, but a cut-and-hold style taper looks like a jagged line, and that is why people feel the cut.

Let me know if you need more info, but this style of tapering will have you off the benzos and functioning normally again.
 
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Thanks, I'm sure the best way to get off benzos is slower or more longterm. I would have if I could, but I find with periods of abuse you will mess up and can og through a whole lot more pills than you planned in a week, then when you've exhausted your supply you won't always be able to get hold of more right away so you're forced to go through that period of quick withdraweal.

I've tried everything, like hiding pills from myself all over the house. You stop worrying about all those things when you've had to many benzos. Also, people eventually get sick of helping you out all the time, or you're too embarresed to ask. I've forced myself through many addictions because I didn't want to borrow more money, or whatever. And doctors are so wary of this as a drug of abuse now it's hard to get anything out of them, even when you're in full psychosis.

It's horrible. I've been going for a few days now but so sick off the effects and it's still 8 hours until I can go to bed. I'm just so irritable and anxious, I hate the idea of anything, all I want is to get through the day. Now I can still sleep, but it only seams to have a healing effect for a couple of hours after you're awake. Then it's just as bad again, and it's just like side-effects from too much Stims, just for a longer period.
 
how big of a benzo habit are we talking here? asking because i have previously been in a very similar predicament with not that large of a habit though....
 
Like, 5 a day, or sometimes more when it's available.

It's strange because I've been using benzos for years and not had a real problem, as they're not as recreational as other drugs. It didn't start becoming a problem until I abused too many Stimulants and I needed them for the side effects. I was able to get off that, but the withdrawal symptomps are almost as bad. I feel I need something now my brain has been damaged by come-down's, etc.
 
i've found that the best way to get rid of a benzo habit is GHB. however, this has led without fail always to a GHB habit with me so be careful.
 
well my best advice is to get out while you can. I have not been able to get off benzos/etizolam without facing serious derealization/depersonalization to the point where it does not go away at all, even after a year, at which point i started taking etizolam and regained my sanity.

yeah GHB would be helpful if you didn't end up with a GHB habit at the end, which i'm sure most people would if they like benzos in the first place.

best thing you can do is taper it out long as you can and get therapy, i definitely would not even have them around if i didn't actually have an anxiety disorder, and even so i'm still stuck in the trap with increasing doses to less and less effect, though it's my own abuse that makes my tolerance high in the first place. Either way, you've probably not damaged yourself really, the withdrawal itself is far more damaging than any benzo would be, so always have a taper plan or a stock so as to avoid CT. And yeah, each withdrawal gets worse after the first one. The first one was easy in comparison to what i face now even if i drop my dose by a few mgs.

and yeah stims and benzos go hand in hand, i've somehow got myself addicted to both now and i still don't feel particularly great most of the time. I always used stims to take away some of the sedation and massive word slurring and sloppiness i got from abusing high doses of benzos, fucking terrible cycle to be in. Then i take stims for fun or school and need benzos for the anxiety, there's just no winning for me at least.

sorry not to preach; i just went down that same path a few years ago and had everything go to shit.
 
RobotRipping said:
yeah GHB would be helpful if you didn't end up with a GHB habit at the end, which i'm sure most people would if they like benzos in the first place.
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baclofen might be a compound that truly helps, while a potent GABAb agonist, it lacks any sort of recreational value. i've used it for alcohol WD and found it to be just as effective as say, diazepam. baclofen, if taken habitually, will lead to a fucking horrible WD syndrome, so again, caution is necessary.
 
Ninae said:
Thanks, I'm sure the best way to get off benzos is slower or more longterm. I would have if I could, but I find with periods of abuse you will mess up and can og through a whole lot more pills than you planned in a week, then when you've exhausted your supply you won't always be able to get hold of more right away so you're forced to go through that period of quick withdraweal.

I've tried everything, like hiding pills from myself all over the house. You stop worrying about all those things when you've had to many benzos. Also, people eventually get sick of helping you out all the time, or you're too embarresed to ask. I've forced myself through many addictions because I didn't want to borrow more money, or whatever. And doctors are so wary of this as a drug of abuse now it's hard to get anything out of them, even when you're in full psychosis.

It's horrible. I've been going for a few days now but so sick off the effects and it's still 8 hours until I can go to bed. I'm just so irritable and anxious, I hate the idea of anything, all I want is to get through the day. Now I can still sleep, but it only seams to have a healing effect for a couple of hours after you're awake. Then it's just as bad again, and it's just like side-effects from too much Stims, just for a longer period.
Click to expand...

Hi

Did you know that stopping benzos abruptly can cause fits and can even be life threatening?
Yes, doctors are unwilling to prescribe benzos nowadays, but there may be the odd one that recognises the fact that you require a steady prescription, whereby you take the same dose each day, only enough to make you feel functional, and gradually taper off.

The thing with benzos is that they actually injure the receptors.
Now that you have felt pain in coming off them, every time you repeat this pattern, the withdrawals will get worse.
Just look at the evidence over at benzobuddies, whereby, people who have got off benzos and back on them repeatedly, have a harder time each time they do it.
I think this is called kindling, but am not too knowledgeable about it, except for knowing that repeatedly going off and on benzos can cause a whole lot of pain.
Benzo's have their own type of anxiety and it is much more raw and terrifying.
Being someone who has suffered benzo wd, I really do get you when you say you hate the idea of anything at all, and all you wanna do is get through the day.
The more you go off and on benzos, the worse and more intense this will feel.

If I were you, I would get myself over to benzobuddies or a similar benzo site and ask if anyone knows of any benzo friendly doctors, who recognise that you are in withdrawl, and give you the benzos to taper off from safely.
 
Ninae said:
Like, 5 a day, or sometimes more when it's available.

It's strange because I've been using benzos for years and not had a real problem, as they're not as recreational as other drugs. It didn't start becoming a problem until I abused too many Stimulants and I needed them for the side effects. I was able to get off that, but the withdrawal symptomps are almost as bad. I feel I need something now my brain has been damaged by come-down's, etc.
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I would get myself to the A & E and tell them you are in benzo withdrawals and are afraid of fitting. Medical staff in A&E will know that this is dangerous, and should prescribe you the pills.

I am concerned that your withdrawal will get worse, the more I read this thread, because benzo withdrawal symptoms can take upto three weeks to be fully felt, especially with longer acting ones like Diazepam.

It took me 17 days to feel my symptoms after stopping valium cold turkey. I cannot tell you what daily dose I was on, as I was also taking zolpidem which is a relative of benzos and has the same type of withdrawals.

Also, if you do not reinstate within 14 days, the results of feeling better are less predictable. It took me five weeks to reinstate, and over three years to heal.
Not trying to scare you, just trying to make you aware of the gravity of the situation if ignored.
 
brutus said:
Benzo WD can be lethal, so this isn't exactly remotely sound advice.
Click to expand...

This

WITHOUT A TAPER, STOPPING COLD TURKEY CAN KILL YOU.

That is not a joke. When I stopped taking lorazepam 1.5 mg daily only after 3 short months - I almost had a seizure and passed out in the middle of a busy intersection

This is a mild symptom of cold turkey withdraw.

I've now been taking lorazepam for over a year at .5mg daily. If I were to stop, I would taper even from this low a dose with diazepam.
 
Thanks, I know that now, but I already went to the ER and begged for sleeping pills Easter Eve. I never thought they would give me any. I just assumed I'd have to check myself in for observation, like I have before, and they might give me intravenous Valium. But he gave me 25 Sobril instead (or the receptionist asked me if I wanted sleeping pills).

Not that we was very willing, I think it was more just in case so I wouldn't die, as I was very close to having a seizure. But it's not like I can turn up after a month and expect another prescription, so I'm not going to bother. Seems like I'm over the worse (or have reached the plateau) now I'm on my 4th day and I have some Kratom exstract.

It works funny during benzo WD - like it's both calming and stimulating. It doesn't have the same effect as usual for me but relieves the withdrawal somewhat.
 
Hi.

I am doubtful that you have reached the peak of withdrawal.
Many benzo users who c/t dont get their worst symptom for 14 days or so.
I would go back to A&E or see a Dr.
 
ok agreed you get the idea

>functionality
>me drinking on benzos all day using uppers
 
well it's really all going to depend on dose and how often you have gone on this run for. If it's a month at a reasonable dose, it won't be terrible but either way you need to taper. If it's been a couple years and doses are high, do not even attempt cold turkey, get yourself more benzos and find a Dr to taper you, it is the only way to come off them. Otherwise if that's just not possible you'll have to ensure you have a steady supply and an emergency supply always in stock for the rest of your life or until you can taper yourself. Those ups and downs of abuse and then running out will actually cause damage eventually.

it's kind of scary to think about how you can die just coming off these drugs but there are other drugs that you must taper as well or you run into serious problems, you just have to be mindful of the dangers and aware of the consequences. Best of luck to you, i hate to say it as well but withdrawals won't even start until day 4 or so from diazepam, and it's a long ass withdrawal. I never really got over it, symptoms persisted for over a year and half and i got back on them. First real withdrawal won't be as bad and you can still get out relatively fine, you are very unlikely to suffer any damage unless you have a seizure, though the withdrawal itself will send you into insanity and also fucks up your brain chemistry, so really don't take that risk and do a taper.

i don't think benzos actually cause any real damage in themselves, i don't think there is any concrete evidence that they damage receptors or cause brain damage, your brain will take a while to get back in order but the only real damage occurs during withdrawal itself. They certainly damage you psychologically and can fuck up your life so unless you really need them for day to day life, as in you cannot survive without them, taper now, it will be a lot easier than in a year or a few years.
 
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