Trigger Warning Think I need to go long term inpatient 60 days

[Juicewrldfan]

So I haven’t had a dealer in 8-9 years. Something like that. Ran into an old friend and I was craving and in one day I have a cocaine dealer and I mean really strong coke says he is linked with the cartels but whatever.

Anyway so I got a gram last night and of course injected it al night.

And now I have an ice dealer. Last thing I need is my new needle addiction revived and ice.

Idk how to tell my wife. I suppose I’m bout too far gone to stop this. Only used last night and I have some about a gram of ice still.

And especially because I hear about fent in ice so nervous to do any tbh. I ODd every time I did fent in thepast pretty much so don’t want that.

Idk why I’m posting. I know I need to stop this. Maybe I’ll just take the ice in desixyn doses and orally. Then be done. But idk I now have easy access to both…

I know this is a very bad thing.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Hey man glad you're at least alive.

So all said and done, excuse me if this is blunt, but, what is your reason for wanting to be sober?

Do you genuinely want to be sober?

 

[Jabberwocky]

So I haven’t had a dealer in 8-9 years. Something like that. Ran into an old friend and I was craving and in one day I have a cocaine dealer and I mean really strong coke says he is linked with the cartels but whatever.

Anyway so I got a gram last night and of course injected it al night.

And now I have an ice dealer. Last thing I need is my new needle addiction revived and ice.

Idk how to tell my wife. I suppose I’m bout too far gone to stop this. Only used last night and I have some about a gram of ice still.

And especially because I hear about fent in ice so nervous to do any tbh. I ODd every time I did fent in thepast pretty much so don’t want that.

Idk why I’m posting. I know I need to stop this. Maybe I’ll just take the ice in desixyn doses and orally. Then be done. But idk I now have easy access to both…

I know this is a very bad thing.

I have the same questions as @Madness.

Do you kind of enjoy the sneaking around, or get a sense of ‘satisfaction’ from it, even though you don’t want to feel that way?

 

[kiely]

Your wife might get traumatized from this and it might make things a lot worse @Juicewrldfan.


I just feel like it is going to be a matter of time and she isn't going to understand anymore.


I mean she might not be able to cope with it all much longer and it might be kind of unfair to her as well.

It is probably going to hurt the relationship beyond repair.

I hope the 60 days can really help out. It probably will for 60 days but you have to want to help yourself and change so
to speak.

How much longer can your wife be able to go on with this also !!!!

It's just not fair to your relationship.

It is going to have to be something really big for you to want to change.

Life changes and life skills have to start Right Now !!!!!

Or this can never stop.

Just please be careful and make the best choice possible. It's not fair to your wife but definitely not fair to yourself also.

I just feel bad that you have to go through this.

So maybe please just stop all of this. Cut back or do less or just smoke Weed.

I know that you are really trying. Just do what will be healthiest for both of you.

This is your relationship AND your wife.


Other than that I am so glad that you are still alive because you have to stop now or make some kind of a change soon.

I hate myself right now for lecturing you like this but we are all worried as much as you are too.

You won't stop even after 60 days because you like it too much.

You have to start making lifestyle changes Right Now.


This seems to be your whole world and you have to start making changes right now. Big changes. Lot's of changes.

Little by little however you do it it has to change. You have to be safe healthy and careful.

You have to make healthy changes and focus on life more. Exercise, walk, watch the sunset.

Too many drugs. Not enough balance.

Omg, I hope that this 60 days helps or this will be all that you have left.

Anyway keep trying, stay strong, and start to do things differently this time.

My best blessings to you right now. k

 

[Juicewrldfan]

Hi Ya’ll,

So I am already at the hospital for think I had serotonin syndrome. First time ever. They are checking my serotonin and a lot of other tbh s be said. Literally that’s what he said lol.

I’m n fair spirits now which is completely wild
Imo, but I think that’s because well I know I’m safe. I was bad bro. I was in meth psychosis and I mean the kind I never knew you could have. I thought if was actually real for the entire day I was living the entire day but I wasn’t there and what that consisted of panicking for I’d say about 17 hours strait to the point I was hyperventillatjng for basically the entire time. Yeah I’d get chest pain and could feel it skipping beats.

BUT that’s literally all I did. Nothing sexual which is primarily why I get it. For the increase in pleasure. ALL I did was eat about a gram of methane then bam instant panic attack for the entire day. Had my first true stimulant psychosis. Also for actually about the same amount of time maybe an hour less that my neighbor could hear me breathing and called the cops on me and just pure panick for the entire day and night. But what had happened is I panicked the cops were coming and idk why I found this but thought it would be a great idea to just eat the rest since they would search my house. So I ate the remaining 600mg.

Yeah I know. That wasn’t my best thinking. I was clearly already out of my mind my the first doses. Then after I basically killed
myself. See I only used meth a handful of times and that as back in the day. So I don’t really know dosing aspcects of it but should of done a little research.

Then today I came out of it—-mostly. My brain is really fucked up still but it’s getting better. I just hope it completely heals.

I don’t feel like going into all my symptoms a as t the moments. I gss as vent slept in three days and they just gave me some benzos but I didn’t even take meth today but I still look jumpy and guess I was acting that way to the point I wasn’t keeping my arms still so they could t get my vitals and did t other try g anymore and I mea. WhI m she asked me how tall I was I looked up to the left for about five minutes it felt pile before I said 5’10:

I have always been quick on my feet. That was embarrassing I didn’t use today at all.

I spent today doing things I had no thought I of or memory until it was posted out.

K think I’m about to pass out.

But @kiely I always love to read your responses. Thank you for that. I really liked it. You are an amazing person.

@superenforcer that is actually part of my addiction. I am addicted to thrill so it’s mostly the thrill. Hence the massive doses. It’s the thrill of riding that thin line between life and death. That’s the main one but I do get some type of thrill when she has been cruel or hitting beneath the belt like she loves to do. She can be a real bitch. I’m not going to sugar coat that shit right now. I mean I love her but idk if I can get passed that bitchside
Of her. I mean a real bitch.

Id I explain more but the benzos are kicking in and I can’t fight it amyOre

 

[Electrum1]

I did that same thing with a gram or two of MDPV, ate it when I thought my house was surrounded by cops then woke up in the hospital like 36 hours later and they had no idea what MDPV was when I told them

 

[Jabberwocky]

Hi Ya’ll,

So I am already at the hospital for think I had serotonin syndrome. First time ever. They are checking my serotonin and a lot of other tbh s be said. Literally that’s what he said lol.

I’m n fair spirits now which is completely wild
Imo, but I think that’s because well I know I’m safe. I was bad bro. I was in meth psychosis and I mean the kind I never knew you could have. I thought if was actually real for the entire day I was living the entire day but I wasn’t there and what that consisted of panicking for I’d say about 17 hours strait to the point I was hyperventillatjng for basically the entire time. Yeah I’d get chest pain and could feel it skipping beats.

BUT that’s literally all I did. Nothing sexual which is primarily why I get it. For the increase in pleasure. ALL I did was eat about a gram of methane then bam instant panic attack for the entire day. Had my first true stimulant psychosis. Also for actually about the same amount of time maybe an hour less that my neighbor could hear me breathing and called the cops on me and just pure panick for the entire day and night. But what had happened is I panicked the cops were coming and idk why I found this but thought it would be a great idea to just eat the rest since they would search my house. So I ate the remaining 600mg.

Yeah I know. That wasn’t my best thinking. I was clearly already out of my mind my the first doses. Then after I basically killed
myself. See I only used meth a handful of times and that as back in the day. So I don’t really know dosing aspcects of it but should of done a little research.

Then today I came out of it—-mostly. My brain is really fucked up still but it’s getting better. I just hope it completely heals.

I don’t feel like going into all my symptoms a as t the moments. I gss as vent slept in three days and they just gave me some benzos but I didn’t even take meth today but I still look jumpy and guess I was acting that way to the point I wasn’t keeping my arms still so they could t get my vitals and did t other try g anymore and I mea. WhI m she asked me how tall I was I looked up to the left for about five minutes it felt pile before I said 5’10:

I have always been quick on my feet. That was embarrassing I didn’t use today at all.

I spent today doing things I had no thought I of or memory until it was posted out.

K think I’m about to pass out.

But @kiely I always love to read your responses. Thank you for that. I really liked it. You are an amazing person.

@superenforcer that is actually part of my addiction. I am addicted to thrill so it’s mostly the thrill. Hence the massive doses. It’s the thrill of riding that thin line between life and death. That’s the main one but I do get some type of thrill when she has been cruel or hitting beneath the belt like she loves to do. She can be a real bitch. I’m not going to sugar coat that shit right now. I mean I love her but idk if I can get passed that bitchside
Of her. I mean a real bitch.

Id I explain more but the benzos are kicking in and I can’t fight it amyOre

Oh dude.. that sounds like an extremely awful and terrifying experience. I’m glad you’re alive, and in a safe place. Get as much rest as you possibly can.

The reason I asked was because I did the exact same thing. It was all part of it. I hated myself for doing what I did. As much as I wanted to get away with it, a huge part of me wanted to get caught. Being angry was a big trigger for me as well. It’s fucked up!

Once your mind has settled down a bit, maybe do some (a lot?) of self reflecting. Think about what you want/don’t want, and decide which direction you’d rather go in. 6 feet under probably isn’t what you truly want.

Take care, Juice! Update whenever you can.

 

[BadBoy377]

Ahhh, Juicy boy, fucking meth. What were you thinking?

Absolutely no good can come from this.

I guess you're probably in the right place now, at least.

Now look after yourself, mate.

BB

 

[thatmf]

@Juicewrldfan I think most people who have used meth or something similar have had real meth/MDPV etc psychosis, especially after more than .5g or more. Just don't let it become your new habit because it'll just fuck you over. But I'd say for now just try to relax, maybe see a counsellor or psychologist and really work on your insides. I mean head/health/feelings/thoughts/brain/heart and whatever makes us human. You know you gotta stop soon when cops start being around you or being called...Not good. Take a few steps back and just stay on track. I know you can do it but you need support @superenforcer those triggers are effed up, took me a long time to unlearn them.

Meth is just bad vibes overall. Some people can get away with using it but the ones that I've known for 4/5+ years and have been using since are not the same as they were before. No judgement at all, it's just a bit scary how low people can go. Drugs + doing stupid things = an addiction in my mind.

 

[Juicewrldfan]

Yeah man I’m out now. I was there for a night. And discharged me after the fixed my creations levels and got me some rest.

I feel a lot better but still a tiny bit paranoid

Also I want to applogize about saying my wife can be a real bitch at sometimes. Like I wasn’t doing anything v to her and while I’m freaking out after “getting rid of all meth “ down the hatch. She out of nowhere just said I’m calling the police because I hate I hate you I hate you”

And I was hiding from her the entire time seriously like hufing because I know his she is. I get the stress of it as if I understand completely if she wanted to leave. How could I not?

I am fearful for her and she also has a beautiful side. It’s my realized that brings out that dude if her. I don’t use the b word lightly.

Not sure I’m going to do inpatient. I hit a really good job agss aim. Best job ever had really.

I don’t want to lose it as I just started there.

I like rehab but it’s more like a get away have some time apart from the day to day stress of life. It’s good for a hard reset. But I hit this great job offer

 

[Jabberwocky]

Yeah man I’m out now. I was there for a night. And discharged me after the fixed my creations levels and got me some rest.

I feel a lot better but still a tiny bit paranoid

Also I want to applogize about saying my wife can be a real bitch at sometimes. Like I wasn’t doing anything v to her and while I’m freaking out after “getting rid of all meth “ down the hatch. She out of nowhere just said I’m calling the police because I hate I hate you I hate you”

And I was hiding from her the entire time seriously like hufing because I know his she is. I get the stress of it as if I understand completely if she wanted to leave. How could I not?

I am fearful for her and she also has a beautiful side. It’s my realized that brings out that dude if her. I don’t use the b word lightly.

Not sure I’m going to do inpatient. I hit a really good job agss aim. Best job ever had really.

I don’t want to lose it as I just started there.

I like rehab but it’s more like a get away have some time apart from the day to day stress of life. It’s good for a hard reset. But I hit this great job offer

Yeah inpatient can be nice. I hear you. I been about a dozen times.

But grab that job and pop off bro. You totally have it in you to be prosocial and provide for your team.

 

[Juicewrldfan]

Yeah, that’s kind of what I was thinking and they always give me 70 mg vyvanse when I go to this one so probably should just really live recovery. Treatment is just a nice getaway and hard reset for me I’ve learned most the stuff in their handouts by now already.

Been a lot myself if you count mental illness it’s going on 30 hospitalizations

I’m still really paranoid which is weird asf. They didn’t offer me to stay and discharge me at yheee in the morning. OSU has its own rehab there and thought they were going to offer.

I don’t think it’s necessary. Like @kiely was saying I’d be clean while I’m there but when I got out I may use again. The change has to start at home.

And I have zero drugs here now.

Yeah I’m paranoid right now that the cops are going to show up and then I’m like fearing I’m going to manifest that shit if I do t the paranoid thinking. Bro I do t want to ever touch that shit again.

Might have fucked up my brain permanently.

 

[ageingpartyfiend]

The new dealer availability could be your demise friend

You don't wanna touch it again now, but give it a few days...all stim addicts know how this goes. These neaural pathways are serious and they will have their way whatever the circumstances unless we really, really put the serious and longterm work in to learning how to resist

The rehab / great new job choice sounds extremely dificult. Don;t wanna be negative but from your history it doesn't sound to me that any job is gonna be enough to keep you away from stims, and your increasing recklessness is only ending one way unless you quit. Properly stop. No point having a great job if you're mental health exits the building or you're dead.

Total abstinence and longterm therapy you engage in fully and unconditionally sounds the only possible solution to me.

However if you go down the job route I hope against hope I'm wrong and you're posting here in a year's time clean and fulfilled in life. All the best man, the struggle is real

 

[Juicewrldfan]

The new dealer availability could be your demise friend

You don't wanna touch it again now, but give it a few days...all stim addicts know how this goes. These neaural pathways are serious and they will have their way whatever the circumstances unless we really, really put the serious and longterm work in to learning how to resist

The rehab / great new job choice sounds extremely dificult. Don;t wanna be negative but from your history it doesn't sound to me that any job is gonna be enough to keep you away from stims, and your increasing recklessness is only ending one way unless you quit. Properly stop. No point having a great job if you're mental health exits the building or you're dead.

Total abstinence and longterm therapy you engage in fully and unconditionally sounds the only possible solution to me.

However if you go down the job route I hope against hope I'm wrong and you're posting here in a year's time clean and fulfilled in life. All the best man, the struggle is real

I feel the same about the new dealer but I’m off the drugs now and have been for over a day but I still have slight paranoia that isn’t normal for me and I hope I didn’t mess up my brain permanently. I mean I took at least 600mg orally and the rest I snorted so I did a gram in one day and I only used math twice in my life before this and that was many years ago.

I think it makes bipolar disorder way worse hence my current paranoia but it only seem to be surrounding cops for some reason and my emotions are extremes. Like the slightest anxiety I feel at a 10/10, same for joy, same fo angry. I feel everything at maximum.

It was a terrible and terrifying experience I do t think I’ll want to revisit

I’d like to go to treatment but may e I can settle for IOP. I’m bowl with IOP is it’s hard to do with a full time job.

Idk…

 

[BadBoy377]

Yeah, that’s kind of what I was thinking and they always give me 70 mg vyvanse when I go to this one so probably should just really live recovery. Treatment is just a nice getaway and hard reset for me I’ve learned most the stuff in their handouts by now already.

Been a lot myself if you count mental illness it’s going on 30 hospitalizations

I’m still really paranoid which is weird asf. They didn’t offer me to stay and discharge me at yheee in the morning. OSU has its own rehab there and thought they were going to offer.

I don’t think it’s necessary. Like @kiely was saying I’d be clean while I’m there but when I got out I may use again. The change has to start at home.

And I have zero drugs here now.

Yeah I’m paranoid right now that the cops are going to show up and then I’m like fearing I’m going to manifest that shit if I do t the paranoid thinking. Bro I do t want to ever touch that shit again.

Might have fucked up my brain permanently.

Yes, mate. You're gonna be paranoid for a while after this episode, I'd imagine. It's just what meth does to you. Anyways it's done now so all you can do is try and move forward as gracefully as possible.

Avoid stimulants and weed. They will only exacerbate the paranoia. Just try and do all the healthy shit you know you should be doing and keep your head down.

For what it's worth I don't think you've permanently fucked your brain. I do think it's going to take a while for you to recover given your struggles over the last year. Best case scenario weeks to months. Stay off the stimulants and weed and it will settle down quicker.

Good luck,

BB

 

[Leprechaun]

So I haven’t had a dealer in 8-9 years. Something like that. Ran into an old friend and I was craving and in one day I have a cocaine dealer and I mean really strong coke says he is linked with the cartels but whatever.

Anyway so I got a gram last night and of course injected it al night.

And now I have an ice dealer. Last thing I need is my new needle addiction revived and ice.

Idk how to tell my wife. I suppose I’m bout too far gone to stop this. Only used last night and I have some about a gram of ice still.

And especially because I hear about fent in ice so nervous to do any tbh. I ODd every time I did fent in thepast pretty much so don’t want that.

Idk why I’m posting. I know I need to stop this. Maybe I’ll just take the ice in desixyn doses and orally. Then be done. But idk I now have easy access to both…

I know this is a very bad thing.

I did a real stupid thing on 4-MMC. Had to tell my wife about it. Have recovered pretty much all that I lost. But it’s a long road to self actualisation.

Peace brother! Hope you’re well.