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Things You Wish People Told You Before Becoming Addicted

a rebelling teenager is nothing new, and that my parents were not my enemies! ever! its a strange thing. i had nightmares about drugs before i even used them they drillem me so hard they were bad! swapping marijuana for opiates was not a smart swap etc. well maybe. whats worse, being schizophrenic, bipolar, or being an opiate addict aka junkie?
 
Here is a post from another side. You are all expressing so articulately and honestly that nothing that anyone said could have penetrated that feeling of invincibility and, yes, arrogance;that is so much a fact of being young. There is a biological reason that the young take risks--it serves to move the species forward in many ways. Unfortunately, it kills many individual young people; and as many of you already know my youngest son was one of those casualties. This was a boy that just wasn't living unless he was jumping in with the crocodiles, pre-drugs and then with drugs. As he used to say, "my biggest trigger is boredom." He survived spectacular car crashes, near drownings, broken bones and a heroin OD where he was blue and not breathing when found. And then, MDVP grabbed him by the balls and never let go. All his friends that had tried it, warned him to stay away.But that only served to make him want to try it more! So, for one solid year, we watched that drug (and all the others that he used to try to get away from that one) just keep biting and chewing him up until it swallowed him completely.

I have transferred all the faith and hope that I had for my beautiful, intense and hard-fighting boy to all of you. I come here and read your struggles (and pour out a fair share of my own) and am awed by your strength and your vulnerability and your will. I don't know if my kind of praying, not to any diety, just to life itself, actually helps anything but I want you to know that I do it every day for all of you who write here and all who don't. You have nothing to be ashamed of and much to be proud of. You are survivors and you are thankful for that and that is a profound state of grace. You have my utmost respect for what it is worth.
 
I agree that nothing would of stopped me from doing what I did however the info I had but never understood (I simply wish someone had explained it to me in a way I could of understood)

withdraw. I just never knew I was already addicted. I always though a addict was homeless shooting up in a ally. I never though could be addicted to pills and that I felt pain from withdraw.. so I went to the doctor (I had a bad sugary which got me hooked) complained about my very real pain and they gave me more and more pain pills. It just got worse and worse. I never understood what was going on. by the time I knew what happened I was a real addict I was hooked to everything from speed to downers to booze to my real vice opiets. hardcore addicted. I mean bad. I almost died.

Anyway.. while I knew about withdraw, I knew about addicts, I just never understood really how you got hooked or that I was hooked or that more pills would never solve the real problem.

I know now. 5months sober. Im doing good... but 9years of wasted life was the time it took to get it in my head.

so in reply. I just wish someone explained it better to me thats all. I wish I had known too that research chemicals are just as real drugs as herion and meth but hey live and learn.
 
^---- Nobody can be robbed of their soul; it can only be damaged, or forfeited through their own accord first.

While incredibly complex & powerful, drugs are still inanimate; natural though it is to ascribe them adversarial personifications, we still have ultimate control.

We don't fight with the drugs; rather, we fight with ourselves..... which can be a very dangerous battle indeed, especially when our own bodies rebel against us before ever taking a drug.
 
That I would lose my husband to an overdose. That I would let down everyone I love on my binges.

One song that honestly is a need to listen too.
I think of my husband when I hear this song. It has a lot of meaning to our journey to me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CTKZ-GUefVM

The words to the song are this.

Ani DiFranco - Pulse

you crawled into my bed that night
like some sort of giant insect
and i found myself spellbound
at the sight of you,
beautiful and grotesque and all the rest of that bug stuff
bluffing your way into my mouth
behind my teeth, reaching for my scars-
that night we got kicked out of two bars
and laughed our way home

that night you leaned over
and threw up into your hair
and i held you there, thinking-
i would offer you my.....pulse
if i thought it would be useful
i would give you my breath,
except,
the problem with death
is that we have some hundred years
and then they can build buildings on our only bones
100 years, and then your grave is not your own
and we lie in out beds, and our graves
unable to save ourselves
from the quaint tragedies we invent- and undo,
from the stupid circumstances we slalom through

and i realized that night that the hall light,
which seemed so bright when you turned it on,
is nothing-
compared to the dawn
which is nothing-
compared to the light
which seeps from you while you're sleeping,
cocooned in my room-
beautiful and grotesque,
resting

that night we got kicked out of two bars
and laughed our way home

i thought-
i would offer you my pulse,
i would give you my breath
i would offer you my pulse,
i would give you my breath

Hope this answers why this is what I would have wanted to know.
 
I think it'd be mostly the common overstated NA type stuff.

but some personalized advice that coulda helped a ton would have been

-See your friends throwing their lives away? You are not any more special...any better any more immune to addiction than them. They may seem like sick desperate junkies and you would never go to those lengths to get high..but just give it some time.

-I know you want to "try most everything once" BUT you really haven't thought out a plan for if/when you happen to fall in love with a substance.

-Yeah heroin is that good.

-You're fucking depressed, get help for that first and everything will be easier to manage.

-You have plenty of time to party. There is no hurry. The drugs will always be there. Just cuz they may ban _____ RC or whatever does not mean you need to do as much as often as possible.
 
I agree that there's really nothing anyone could have said to me to keep me from getting addicted. I did it on my own and it was a classic case of "it won't happen to me", then you realized it has, get scarred for a few weeks, then get used to it and just keep on using. I knew all about addiction, I've seen Requiem for a Dream, I've had family members go down that road. Didn't stop me at all. Nothing could have, but now that I've experienced the worst of it and come very close to conquering it, I'm a much stronger person. Cest la Vie.
 
I wish I was told opiates would bring me to such a deep dark place that I would feel there was no way out, that I would contemplate overdosing myself everyday to end the pain.

To never pick up that needle, something I said I would never do because after shooting there is no going back to doing drugs any other way that is satisfying.

But there is a better way I've been clean almost 2 months and life is by no means perfect but it's alot better then where opiates brought me and I can enjoy the simplest things again.

Addicts are the most carring, smartest and motivated people in the world we just put our energy into drugs instead of other more positive things.

I was the smartest dumb fuck I know
 
... and then one day you will notice, how the mind, psyche, ego, conscience, life, is very much like an onion!
:-[

soooo just start peeling it away and laugh with the tears, youll be to the heart-of-it-all eventually.




it is supposed to feel that way.
 
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I wish someone had told me I would lose most of my teeth and that I'd be so busy trying to pay for more drugs that I would almost never get the money together that it would take to fix it. I wish someone had shown me crying in the dentists chair when I saw I had my smile back for the first time in years. That I wouldn't smile open and happy in my wedding pictures because I was so worried about fixing I had let my teeth literally rot.

I wish someone had told me that not only could I not write songs on drugs, but that the maintenance drugs they gave me would prevent me from getting to that place where I could write again. That Nashville would call, and L.A., and I would put them on hold for a dealer.

I wish someone had told me that I would be handed the only person I ever really loved on a silver platter, that we would have a beautiful son, and that three years later I'd be contemplating throwing it all away and leaving them because I wanted to hang with my dealer friends and not get hassled about the missing money and the track marks on my arm. That my little family would be dependent on my aging mom and dad for support, because I spent all our money on the next hit. And that my selfishness would eat up all the love in my heart, all the trust I had built, and all the dreams I had come true and fall in my lap. That I would just brush them away.

I really wish someone had told me that even writing this, even crying over what I have done, how I have caused not only myself to be ostracized from my family, but also caused my parents and husband to be ostracized from theirs as well, even as my eyes are watering I am praying that this connect will come through. That I will get enough to be not sick for a couple weeks.
 
Boupstarnm said:
I think it'd be mostly the common overstated NA type stuff.

but some personalized advice that coulda helped a ton would have been

-See your friends throwing their lives away? You are not any more special...any better any more immune to addiction than them. They may seem like sick desperate junkies and you would never go to those lengths to get high..but just give it some time.

-I know you want to "try most everything once" BUT you really haven't thought out a plan for if/when you happen to fall in love with a substance.

-Yeah heroin is that good.

-You're fucking depressed, get help for that first and everything will be easier to manage.

-You have plenty of time to party. There is no hurry. The drugs will always be there. Just cuz they may ban _____ RC or whatever does not mean you need to do as much as often as possible.
Click to expand...
haven't tried heroin, but these are pretty much what I would want to hear. These hydrocodone are really nice for the pain though...
 
It's hard to say The advice people gave me about drugs prior to and during my addiction seemed to be from a completely misinformed perspective even though it parroted the right ideas. I never really received any solid advice until after I was fucking up, and they were really more like observations than normative stances about drug use. My last boss, who was forced to put me on medical leave, told me that he believed there was a time when the drugs and my personality combined to form an unstoppable force, and that I may have had life under control at that time. However, he said, that in life there are things out of your control that threaten to undermine any system you have in place. So, I guess I would have liked to hear this advice put in such a rational fashion before I let my body and mind succumb to pain pills, benzos, and finally smack.
 
Like a lot of people already said, no one would have been able to change my mind. You always think that you're immune to these things and that it won't happen to you... until it does.

The only thing that would have stopped me is if I had been able to talk to my 20-23 year old self. But since time travel is impossible, well... here I am today. Nearing the end of the road, at least... but damn what a long and hard fucking road it's been.
 
often times, buddy, i will not feel i need a rollie and some bud, so in-order to balance that out, i will goa head and have a coffee, a coffee always seems to make a cig and marijuana so much better, so much so that it becomes a waste...indeed. dummy.

lol


<3
 
Noone could have told me anything I didn't already know. My circle had been dabbling with H, chipping together to get a half-teenth in on a weekend between 4 or 5 of us for 3 years or so before I even picked up my own habit, and I'd already watched my sister and her boyfriend sink into addiction and become fully-fledged smack addicts long before I went down that road. I'd read all the books, Burroughs and stuff, and was simultaneously both repelled and fascinated by it, always absolutely certain that I was too clever to get hooked, only the weak-willed with nothing going for them being vulnerable to addiction. Ha, right, that one turned out well for me!

SawRED, like you the one thing noone told me was that Heroin just puts your emotional life into a state of suspended animation. It was its power to remove self-doubt, self-loathing, loneliness and despair that made it so attractive for me. Trouble is you don't grow while you're on it, nothing changes, and it's only when you stop that you realise that all the problems you had as a 21 year old are still there now you're 31, except you've just dumped a shedload more reasons for self-loathing self-pity on top of them to make things even worse. That's the hardest thing I found about coming off. I was just crushed by guilt at first once my emotions had kicked back in, to the point where I was even less functional for a while than I'd been on H. At least H gave me the motivation to get up and out of bed on a morning. I didn't even have that anymore. It was hard for a long time, and though things are much better than they were, I still have a ways to go yet with it.
 
^ excellent post. I am so glad things are getting better for you. I've read the same thing over and over.. "I never thought it would get me.." It's such an eye-opener, and I hope it opens others' eyes too..
 
My friends tried...my true friends.

I think the only thing that could have made a difference would have been to see into the future.
 
^ sadly, I think you are right. But maybe this thread can change one person's perspective..
 
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