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There's no hope for me

user name1

user name1

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 13, 2013
Messages
107
Location
Edge of the abyss
It seems i can't stop using.
I have been trying for almost a decade to get clean but to no avail.
I guess i am beyond hope and might as well give up trying.

I have nothing worth having and my life is a void - no friends and no girlfriend. i have some family but it's a broken one.
the drugs became me or my identity and without them i might as well quit on this lame excuse of a "life".

I am alive but i have no life whatsoever.
Maybe i should stop trying to quit and accept the fact that i just can't or won't,
maybe it will be less painful and will bring me some peace,
maybe the constant nagging in my head that i need to quit will stop.
without drugs i feel like i'm nothing more than a cardboard or an empty shell.

i don't know anything anymore..
 
Hello my dear friend jona.

Man you're going through some hard times, and I don't have all the answers for you , but I just want you to know that you matter and that there is ALWAYS hope for you.

And whether you are using or not you have a friend in me, and I give a shit about you and I care what happens to you.

If you would ever like to pm me you can.

Hugs,
your friend,
Ash.
 
Last edited:
Hi BPD,

If you are having a hard time with anything I will always be here for you, if you'd like you can pm me anytime. Just want you to know you have a friend in me. Hope you have a good day.

Your friend,
Ash.

BPD help plz said:
I can relate.....i'm surprised that i'm the first to reply tbh

i'm in the same boat m8

what drugs do you have a problem with?
Click to expand...
 
EPL1 said:
Hi BPD,

If you are having a hard time with anything I will always be here for you, if you'd like you can pm me anytime. Just want you to know you have a friend in me. Hope you have a good day.

Your friend,
Ash.
Click to expand...

thanks Ash, that's really kind of you....i may take you up on that some time

thankyou for the kind words, it means alot to me
 
We all have problems dude and your sense of hopelessness is worrying. Life is tough and can leave us on the ground floored without any warning at all, but you're still here for some reason. Your story isn't over yet even if you do seem to be ready to close the book yourself. I don't really think you want to fold up and throw your life into oblivion, else you wouldn't be here. There is strength down inside you and even if you might be short on reasons to try to muster that strength it is still in your best interests that you do so and keep trying.


I used to be on the same path you walk. It took the love of another to bring me off that path because like you I had forgotten what was best for me. Drugs gave me good feels so they must be best for me, right? Wrong.

I lacked the strength to get off that path by myself, just like so many others. Most importantly: I allowed that change to take place in my life.

Are you truly open to being a better person and not so heavily dependent upon drugs? If so this message is for you.
Stop procrastinating! Time is running out!!
 
Oh yeah! One thing I forgot to add: I'm a genuinely damaged, self-centered, and imperfect being and if someone can love my grouchy ass ugly mug then there is truly hope for all!!!
 
user name1 said:
It seems i can't stop using.
I have been trying for almost a decade to get clean but to no avail.
I guess i am beyond hope and might as well give up trying.

I have nothing worth having and my life is a void - no friends and no girlfriend. i have some family but it's a broken one.
the drugs became me or my identity and without them i might as well quit on this lame excuse of a "life".

I am alive but i have no life whatsoever.
Maybe i should stop trying to quit and accept the fact that i just can't or won't,
maybe it will be less painful and will bring me some peace,
maybe the constant nagging in my head that i need to quit will stop.
without drugs i feel like i'm nothing more than a cardboard or an empty shell.

i don't know anything anymore..
Click to expand...

Ah, mate, I can relate. Staying clean- I have no idea how to do it. I still think its worth doing though. If you get to the point where you are miserable whether you are high or sober, its time to do it sober. At least you aren't making the situation worse.

If it is opiates, then a maintenance program is probably the best option. At least you can live a semi-normal life, and break the drug-seeking impulse over time.

FWIW, don't bother with feeling shame for your addiction. There is nothing immoral about taking drugs; it is a mistaken path to go down, but applying shame to this situation isn't especially useful.

All the best, check back in mate <3
 
Hi BPD, thanks for replying and for your solidarity.

the drugs that are problematic for me are mostly crack but heroin too - i used to do a lot of H up until 5 years ago and now i switch from heroin to subutex over and over again. right now i'm on bup but when i run out of i use heroin until i can get another prescription (i take a lot more than i'm prescribed).

the crack man... for me it worse than the H..
even though there's no physical withdrawal symptoms like heroin, mentally wise it sucks the life out of me and i can't resist it for more than a few days. i can't even remember the last time i managed a week without.

something that gave me a little hope and might give you is reading online about "aging out of drugs" or "maturing out of addiction" i think every one that thinks he's addicted or having drug\booze problems should google aging out of drugs and read some of the more modern researches and views on addiction and narcotics in particular. here's a link to this google search -

https://www.google.co.il/search?q=a...rome..69i57.6047j0j7&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8
 
EPL1 said:
Hello my dear friend jona.

Man you're going through some hard times, and I don't have all the answers for you , but I just want you to know that you matter and that there is ALWAYS hope for you.

And whether you are using or not you have a friend in me, and I give a shit about you and I care what happens to you.

If you would ever like to pm me you can.

Hugs,
your friend,
Ash.
Click to expand...

Ash dear, thank you so very much for offering help! i really am in a need of a friend or someone i can talk to (besides the wall in my room and myself ;)).

i'll PM you as soon as i recover a bit from a rough couple of days <3
 
Thank you King.

i really hope that there is someone for me but i'm not holding my breath. it seems that there is no love for me. i'm 37 and used to be really good looking, now my teeth are yellow and crooked and not so lovely anymore. besides a very few short lived and mostly shallow relationships i'm alone, always was. i haven't had sex for 2 years and before that for 8-9 years ffs)..

but who knows though, right?

cheers buddy!
 
Hi swilow and thanks for replying!

i am on subs and heroin is pretty manageable but like i replied before it's the crack which is not at all under control.. it makes me miserable, poor and a lying, cheating, slimey MF..

i wish there were something like subutex for crack man..

will try to write some more later - i'm really exhausted right now.

thanks for the wise words and advice, i appreciate it very much <3
 
user name1 said:
It seems i can't stop using.
I have been trying for almost a decade to get clean but to no avail.
I guess i am beyond hope and might as well give up trying.

I have nothing worth having and my life is a void - no friends and no girlfriend. i have some family but it's a broken one.
the drugs became me or my identity and without them i might as well quit on this lame excuse of a "life".

I am alive but i have no life whatsoever.
Maybe i should stop trying to quit and accept the fact that i just can't or won't,
maybe it will be less painful and will bring me some peace,
maybe the constant nagging in my head that i need to quit will stop.
without drugs i feel like i'm nothing more than a cardboard or an empty shell.

i don't know anything anymore..
Click to expand...
I know how you feel.
How do we hit bottom?
How do we reach a point where we're willing to let others help us change?
I'm not there either.
 
Maybe you should try making some music dude, writing some rhymes expressing that shit. Yeah once you get hooked, welcome to hell on earth. It never really gets too much better like it does but it pretty much just stops it from getting worse and taking your life. The inevitable result of the habit is typically death after a long struggle.
 
user name1 said:
Thank you King.

i really hope that there is someone for me but i'm not holding my breath. it seems that there is no love for me. i'm 37 and used to be really good looking, now my teeth are yellow and crooked and not so lovely anymore. besides a very few short lived and mostly shallow relationships i'm alone, always was. i haven't had sex for 2 years and before that for 8-9 years ffs)..

but who knows though, right?

cheers buddy!
Click to expand...
You are welcome user name1. Low self-esteem is easily conquered by sheer logic. We all grow old, ugly, bald, and wrinkled (well those of us lucky enough to live that long) so it's a waste of time to pride yourself much on looks, anyhow. I know it's so corny and cliche but hey, beauty really isn't only skin deep. I know it is easier said than done but try not to be so down on yourself. I know how hard it can be building yourself back up from nothing and playing catch-up, trust me. I didn't even get my drivers license until I was 29 years old, it's all up to you if you kneel before a substance or take charge and build that sturdy foundation that you so obviously desire. Make up your mind and the rest is history. Godspeed.
 
No. That is bullshit. Before you get better you feel worse - the way you feel is a normal, temporary feeling. It sucks but serioursly, go easy on yourself mate, nothing good ever comes easy. Fight that shit, fight it without any judgement! Of course your are worthy, stop convincing yourself otherwise - keep your standards submitted - these are what gets us in the shit in the first place. Go through it, come through it and out the other end- WHEN you are ready.

But stop with the self-flagellation, already. <3
 
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