I deleted a few journal entries out earlier on. I slept like a log last night and have only now (at 16.38) managed to drag myself from my bed to do anything useful. I guess I needed the rest. It's rare I sleep for a whole night, I average about five hours a night at the moment. I sat in bed a little earlier and thought to myself that maybe I need to stop spewing so many personal thoughts on this blog. It's been so easy to be open on here because nobody knows who I am, but I fear that could change. Probably my own sense of paranoia.
I've left a few bits and bobs up but felt some of the other entries could go, as there was one issue in particular that I kept pushing when there was no real good to come of doing so![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
Now that I'm up and about (albeit in my pjs) I've tidied the flat after yesterday's creative extravaganza. The only real victim was a long, shaggy fake fur rug that I got brown acrylic paint on. I'm not really that bothered to be honest as I've had it for years and it was starting to look a bit crappy. I'll replace it next month with something a bit more suitable. I wouldn't bother but the carpets in the flat are shit. They're basically brown nylon corduroy. To be fair I don't think the landlord made much effort as the last tenant that was in here stole all the furniture (it used to be a fully furnished flat, I got it empty) and I think he'd came to the conclusion that nobody was worth making the effort again for. It worked out better for me because I had been stashing away furniture from when my grandparents passed away. I lost them all in the space of 18 months which was really fucking harsh. There was a lot thrown out so I put aside the things I wanted. Result is a retro, yet slightly hippie, living space. I love it even though the flat is tiny.
I need to try and clear the space a bit though. I've got a vinyl collection that lives on the floor. A mass of shoes in a corner. A cupboard full of stuff I don't use. Coats are hung on the back of doors. I'm sure a coat rack would remedy things.
I've got some lavender oil and some nag champa burning to try and cleanse the air a bit. The ventilation in here isn't adequate which means that if I'm not careful it gets damp. I have got the dehumidifier on the go and I've got a couple of halogen heaters to dry the air out. Unfortunately there was only one heater when I moved in, a storage heater, and it's buckled which means it doesn't retain the heat and it's also very expensive to run on a key meter. The halogen heaters work fine though. I'll be getting an oil filled heater at the end of the month.
So I'm listening to Union Jack, who produced an album of great REAL trance music back in the nineties. I saw them at Solfest, they were absolutely amazing. I hope I get to Solfest next year. And Eden. I missed going. But there were reasons that I couldn't. I will need to look up the Wigton lot as I would love to see them again. I miss those times, such decent people, and such a laugh. I'm just really worried that my back won't stand up to four nights in a tent. I gues if I can get a lift there I can take an inflatable mattress and I've always got valium or dihydrocodeine if it gets bad but after 09 when I got ill... I would hate to be ill and unable to get home again. We'll see. I think if I can get my weight down then my back won't be under so much strain. As of tomorrow I'm on strict rations and will be doing a three mile walk five days out of seven.
I realised the only reason I've put on a few pounds is because I'm eating my emotions. I've been all introverted and hiding away with snacks has just kind of comforted me and passed the time. Not up for that anymore though. I want to get back to the size I was when I was 24. It's not that much of a difference really, about half a stone would do it, it just feels really far away. As I get older I don't gain weight in the same places anymore. I need to maintain a good figure if I'm going to get away with not looking 30. I feel quite lucky, everyone I meet thinks I'm under 25! I always get ID'ed for booze and cigarettes
as of next birthday I won't be revealing my age to anyone. I'm not ready to grow up yet. I don't know why I should have to. As long as I'm responsible for my own actions and don't hurt anyone I shouldn't feel socially pressured into "a career" or "kids" or "marriage" or anything. I'm one of the only people I know of my age who is not married or babied up but I'm ok with that. Being single does suck quite badly but unless I can figure a way to go back and reverse time the man that I should still be with today is not going to want me. I miss him so bad. He taught me nearly everything that is relevant and important in my life. He introduced me to Morrissey. Encouraged my writing. He was my muse. I've not been able to write very well unless it's been about him. Anyway enough about that, there's nothing I can do to change things.
I'm hopeful that this week at work won't be as bad as usual because I'm working 8am to 4pm all week. At least I'll get home at a decent time. I tend to work better early in the day. The 12pm to 8pm shift is a total killer. Doing a week of them twice a month is a total gruel.
I'll need to start thinking about the uni course and photography course again.
I might see if I can figure out to post a few photos that I took up on here. Not that I'm sure anyone reads this. But would be nice to put some up anyway. I'll open a photobucket account and see if I can figure it out.
I've left a few bits and bobs up but felt some of the other entries could go, as there was one issue in particular that I kept pushing when there was no real good to come of doing so
Now that I'm up and about (albeit in my pjs) I've tidied the flat after yesterday's creative extravaganza. The only real victim was a long, shaggy fake fur rug that I got brown acrylic paint on. I'm not really that bothered to be honest as I've had it for years and it was starting to look a bit crappy. I'll replace it next month with something a bit more suitable. I wouldn't bother but the carpets in the flat are shit. They're basically brown nylon corduroy. To be fair I don't think the landlord made much effort as the last tenant that was in here stole all the furniture (it used to be a fully furnished flat, I got it empty) and I think he'd came to the conclusion that nobody was worth making the effort again for. It worked out better for me because I had been stashing away furniture from when my grandparents passed away. I lost them all in the space of 18 months which was really fucking harsh. There was a lot thrown out so I put aside the things I wanted. Result is a retro, yet slightly hippie, living space. I love it even though the flat is tiny.
I need to try and clear the space a bit though. I've got a vinyl collection that lives on the floor. A mass of shoes in a corner. A cupboard full of stuff I don't use. Coats are hung on the back of doors. I'm sure a coat rack would remedy things.
I've got some lavender oil and some nag champa burning to try and cleanse the air a bit. The ventilation in here isn't adequate which means that if I'm not careful it gets damp. I have got the dehumidifier on the go and I've got a couple of halogen heaters to dry the air out. Unfortunately there was only one heater when I moved in, a storage heater, and it's buckled which means it doesn't retain the heat and it's also very expensive to run on a key meter. The halogen heaters work fine though. I'll be getting an oil filled heater at the end of the month.
So I'm listening to Union Jack, who produced an album of great REAL trance music back in the nineties. I saw them at Solfest, they were absolutely amazing. I hope I get to Solfest next year. And Eden. I missed going. But there were reasons that I couldn't. I will need to look up the Wigton lot as I would love to see them again. I miss those times, such decent people, and such a laugh. I'm just really worried that my back won't stand up to four nights in a tent. I gues if I can get a lift there I can take an inflatable mattress and I've always got valium or dihydrocodeine if it gets bad but after 09 when I got ill... I would hate to be ill and unable to get home again. We'll see. I think if I can get my weight down then my back won't be under so much strain. As of tomorrow I'm on strict rations and will be doing a three mile walk five days out of seven.
I realised the only reason I've put on a few pounds is because I'm eating my emotions. I've been all introverted and hiding away with snacks has just kind of comforted me and passed the time. Not up for that anymore though. I want to get back to the size I was when I was 24. It's not that much of a difference really, about half a stone would do it, it just feels really far away. As I get older I don't gain weight in the same places anymore. I need to maintain a good figure if I'm going to get away with not looking 30. I feel quite lucky, everyone I meet thinks I'm under 25! I always get ID'ed for booze and cigarettes
as of next birthday I won't be revealing my age to anyone. I'm not ready to grow up yet. I don't know why I should have to. As long as I'm responsible for my own actions and don't hurt anyone I shouldn't feel socially pressured into "a career" or "kids" or "marriage" or anything. I'm one of the only people I know of my age who is not married or babied up but I'm ok with that. Being single does suck quite badly but unless I can figure a way to go back and reverse time the man that I should still be with today is not going to want me. I miss him so bad. He taught me nearly everything that is relevant and important in my life. He introduced me to Morrissey. Encouraged my writing. He was my muse. I've not been able to write very well unless it's been about him. Anyway enough about that, there's nothing I can do to change things.I'm hopeful that this week at work won't be as bad as usual because I'm working 8am to 4pm all week. At least I'll get home at a decent time. I tend to work better early in the day. The 12pm to 8pm shift is a total killer. Doing a week of them twice a month is a total gruel.
I'll need to start thinking about the uni course and photography course again.
I might see if I can figure out to post a few photos that I took up on here. Not that I'm sure anyone reads this. But would be nice to put some up anyway. I'll open a photobucket account and see if I can figure it out.