Ok, a lot of my comments here have to do with originality, and sharp, poigniant and NEW images we as readers have not seen before.
For example, these are some great ones:
"I walked four miles to his house in the middle of the night to pour sugar in his gas tank."
"My "Young Life" consoler caught his daughter giving me a blow job in the church choir room. She did it because I told her God wanted her to. I got banned from "Young Life". She got to repent."
"I fell down a flight of stairs after huffing Feron out of a plastic bag. Knocked my front two teeth out and cracked a molar. Stuck my parents with a staggering fifty-three hundred dollar dentist bill."
"I sold baking soda as coke to a gang of black kids. They found me and beat the shit out of me. A broken collar bone and a concussion. I deserved it."
"I broke into a close friend’s house after he had shown me where he hid his key. I stole his stash, guns, jewelry and liquor to feed my increasing opiate addiction. Then told him it was another friend of ours and helped him beat the shit out of him."
"Got first DUI and pissed myself in the back of the police car."
"I stole forty-six dollars from her purse and left her in the middle of the night with no explanation. I never saw her again. I’m sorry Jenny. I miss you so fucking much."
And all of years 4, 6 and 8.
However, I found most of the other images unremarkable if not a bit hackneyed. For example, "I learned how to use physical violence to get what I wanted. I began to bully kids and steal their toys." That's very unoriginal. And also, Show Don't Tell! Don't just tell us this. SHOW us an example of this happening, and a ripe and fresh example at that.
Another thing: the ending. I don't understand why you went into second-person. It seems out of place and not done very purposefully--please explain.
Overall, though, great work. Keep it up!
