Well, it's been about a half million years or so since I've posted to my blog, and since I've been brought on as a mod in TDS as well I've been asked by a few people as to my story with regard to therapy. So, two birds, one stone...
A little background perhaps first? I'll try to keep it quick.
In my earliest days, I was a very social kid, who loved to chat with people. Never had a problem approaching people, played with random kids wherever; life was good. But as I got a bit older, I came to realize that something was different for me. I didn't speak the way others did. In time, it got worse. By the time I went to school, I had developed a full-blown stutter, and by grade 1 I was beginning to get into using facial tics to try to 'force out' stuck syllables. Among severe stutterers this is actually quite common, and adds a great deal to the stigma of speech.
Also around grade 1, I asked to be put into French immersion, because I thought that it was a cool language, and my parents noticed that I had a knack for picking up other languages. Ironic, no? As it turned out though, going to a new school along with an increasingly severe speech impediment was a rather bad idea. I was immediately labelled as a 'retard' (such words were still used at the time, at least by the kids), and the school was trying tooth and nail to get my IQ tested. My parents fought tooth and nail against that, since they knew that I was bright, but they were only able to hold off until grade 2.
Still, within a month of arriving at school and being branded as I was, I managed to go from knowing 'cereal box' French to the head of the class. So, I was the 'tard who was smarter than most other kids in my class... not great for socializing, I can tell you. Pretty much from then on I was bullied relentlessly. By grade 3 I was entirely isolated from my peers, and retreated into books, science and math.
This continued with varying severity, despite receiving treatment for my stutter, until grade 6 when my teacher (also the vice principal of the school) decided to get in on the fun. I won't go into detail, but he basically spent the year doing his best (and more or less succeeding) in breaking me. But hey, the cool kids liked him though, so that was okay? The only reason I stayed at that school once my parents found out, about 2/3 of the way through the year, was because it would be silly to change schools just before moving to Jr. high. They did their best to get him fired, but since they couldn't, they made his life as miserable as possible. Unfortunately, he all but failed me, but that was fought and bla bla bla.
I've gone over this because even though for the most part the bullying stopped in Jr high (although I never really had a good social circle until late high school), I was carrying that set of experiences around with me. The transition into pubescent depression masked the clinical depression and nascent anxiety disorders well, and by the time I realized that there was a larger problem I was in my early 20s and falling apart.
(to be continued...)
A little background perhaps first? I'll try to keep it quick.
In my earliest days, I was a very social kid, who loved to chat with people. Never had a problem approaching people, played with random kids wherever; life was good. But as I got a bit older, I came to realize that something was different for me. I didn't speak the way others did. In time, it got worse. By the time I went to school, I had developed a full-blown stutter, and by grade 1 I was beginning to get into using facial tics to try to 'force out' stuck syllables. Among severe stutterers this is actually quite common, and adds a great deal to the stigma of speech.
Also around grade 1, I asked to be put into French immersion, because I thought that it was a cool language, and my parents noticed that I had a knack for picking up other languages. Ironic, no? As it turned out though, going to a new school along with an increasingly severe speech impediment was a rather bad idea. I was immediately labelled as a 'retard' (such words were still used at the time, at least by the kids), and the school was trying tooth and nail to get my IQ tested. My parents fought tooth and nail against that, since they knew that I was bright, but they were only able to hold off until grade 2.
Still, within a month of arriving at school and being branded as I was, I managed to go from knowing 'cereal box' French to the head of the class. So, I was the 'tard who was smarter than most other kids in my class... not great for socializing, I can tell you. Pretty much from then on I was bullied relentlessly. By grade 3 I was entirely isolated from my peers, and retreated into books, science and math.
This continued with varying severity, despite receiving treatment for my stutter, until grade 6 when my teacher (also the vice principal of the school) decided to get in on the fun. I won't go into detail, but he basically spent the year doing his best (and more or less succeeding) in breaking me. But hey, the cool kids liked him though, so that was okay? The only reason I stayed at that school once my parents found out, about 2/3 of the way through the year, was because it would be silly to change schools just before moving to Jr. high. They did their best to get him fired, but since they couldn't, they made his life as miserable as possible. Unfortunately, he all but failed me, but that was fought and bla bla bla.
I've gone over this because even though for the most part the bullying stopped in Jr high (although I never really had a good social circle until late high school), I was carrying that set of experiences around with me. The transition into pubescent depression masked the clinical depression and nascent anxiety disorders well, and by the time I realized that there was a larger problem I was in my early 20s and falling apart.
(to be continued...)
