The Wine List

[Sammy G]

Sure, it doesn't get you invited to many parties, but the ones you do get invited to tend to be the best ones.

 

[Sadie]

Wine snobs are almost as intolerable as whiskey snobs.

You Don't have to be a snob to be educated. I personally don't drink wine much anymore but I do know about quality and can recommend a decent wine when out.

If you're a dentist why are you giving out RED wine??? Surely a nice white would be better and stain the teeth less......

 

[ScotchMist]

He can sell more Hollywood smiles then...

 

[Sadie]

He can sell more Hollywood smiles then...

Damn you! I actually snorted with laughter when I scrolled down!

NICE!

 

[Nom de Plume]

To me, wine is an utterly pointless drink. I've always found it entertainingly odd to see the soi-disant wine aficionado and sommelier poppinjay, with their perfect wine glass and their perfect wine and their perfect performance of a lofty, supercilious cunt hiding their swish demeanor and limp wrist behind an affectation of a well-heeled gourmet.

Let's not pretend to think otherwise, all beverages with an ABV above ~5% are unsavory and difficult to drink without a reflexive grimace. The difference between the tastes of good wine and bad wine is like the difference between the smells of a good fart and a bad fart.

Moreover, there's no logic in drinking any alcohol, without the intent of getting high. And if getting high is the true and real purpose for the consumption of alcohol, it follows that drinking beverages with a low ABV (which I personally define as <25% ABV) is a totally inefficient and time-consuming activity.

This is why I never fool with beers, champagnes, wines, and mixed drinks. Why consume a whole litre of bad-tasting liquid to get drunk, when one can simply quaff down 100 middling milliltres of a worse-tasting rectified spirit, and be fully fuddled in fewer than five minutes? In other words, would you rather drink a gut-busting amount of unpalatable beer or nasty wine, or would you rather take a few gulps of an even nastier tasting purer alcoholic drink?

Hmmm. A whole lot of moderately disgusting pansy potations and feminine refreshments? Or a little bit of severely disgusting libations made for the lionhearted and virile? I choose the latter.

You can keep your can of Coors Lite beer and your cup of Cabernet wine. Give me cocoroco on the rocks, garçon, and I'm golden. A little glazed, groggy, giddy, and regretful maybe, but golden nonetheless.

By the time you're halfway through your glass of Château Clos Haut-Peyraguey (and still not even mildly tipsy), or emptied your whole 16-pack of Miller High life (and feeling like your stomach will burst if you inhale too deep, but still while drunker than the wimpy, pretentious winebibber), I'll already have taken a dozen shots in quick succession, fallen out my seat, and passed out on the floor.

 

[THECATINTHEHAT]

Let's not pretend to think otherwise, all beverages with an ABV above ~5% are unsavory and difficult to drink without a reflexive grimace. The difference between the tastes of good wine and bad wine is like the difference between the smells of a good fart and a bad fart.

That's where your logic falls down, not everyone hates the taste of alcohol. In fact it is an essential componment of the flavour profile of most every alcoholic drink out there.

 

[One Thousand Words]

You Don't have to be a snob to be educated. I personally don't drink wine much anymore but I do know about quality and can recommend a decent wine when out.

If you're a dentist why are you giving out RED wine??? Surely a nice white would be better and stain the teeth less......

Porcelain doesn't stain my dear, that's the point of the gift. Why else would I give them a bottle of wine with a $10k invoice?

I do enjoy nice wine, but I'm not one to worry about labels or regions. I have destroyed 20 year old bottles worth thousands of dollars and been none the wiser to be honest. I have so many gifts sitting exposed to the elements which I should really drink, but given the choice I'd prefer a stiff cocktail over a room temperture plonk.

I have a really nice japanese whiskey which shits over any fine scotch I've had. People look at me strange when I offer it to them simply because they think anyone with the palate for sheeps entails surely must be the only ones who know how to distill whiskey.

 

[alasdairm]

To me, wine is an utterly pointless drink. I've always found it entertainingly odd to see the soi-disant wine aficionado and sommelier poppinjay, with their perfect wine glass and their perfect wine and their perfect performance of a lofty, supercilious cunt hiding their swish demeanor and limp wrist behind an affectation of a well-heeled gourmet.

Let's not pretend to think otherwise, all beverages with an ABV above ~5% are unsavory and difficult to drink without a reflexive grimace. The difference between the tastes of good wine and bad wine is like the difference between the smells of a good fart and a bad fart.

Moreover, there's no logic in drinking any alcohol, without the intent of getting high. And if getting high is the true and real purpose for the consumption of alcohol, it follows that drinking beverages with a low ABV (which I personally define as <25% ABV) is a totally inefficient and time-consuming activity.

This is why I never fool with beers, champagnes, wines, and mixed drinks. Why consume a whole litre of bad-tasting liquid to get drunk, when one can simply quaff down 100 middling milliltres of a worse-tasting rectified spirit, and be fully fuddled in fewer than five minutes? In other words, would you rather drink a gut-busting amount of unpalatable beer or nasty wine, or would you rather take a few gulps of an even nastier tasting purer alcoholic drink?

Hmmm. A whole lot of moderately disgusting pansy potations and feminine refreshments? Or a little bit of severely disgusting libations made for the lionhearted and virile? I choose the latter.

You can keep your can of Coors Lite beer and your cup of Cabernet wine. Give me cocoroco on the rocks, garçon, and I'm golden. A little glazed, groggy, giddy, and regretful maybe, but golden nonetheless.

By the time you're halfway through your glass of Château Clos Haut-Peyraguey (and still not even mildly tipsy), or emptied your whole 16-pack of Miller High life (and feeling like your stomach will burst if you inhale too deep, but still while drunker than the wimpy, pretentious winebibber), I'll already have taken a dozen shots in quick succession, fallen out my seat, and passed out on the floor.

pretentious, toi?

yep.

alasdair

 

[THECATINTHEHAT]

Nice to see you facing up to reality alisdair

 

[koneko]

I love wine but make a poor wino drunk

Never been a wine snob, just drank what I liked the taste of.

 

[alasdairm]

Nice to see you facing up to reality alisdair

just laughing at the hypocrisy of the most supercilious post i have probably ever read on bluelight accusing others of superciliousness.

unless it was meant to be ironical. like that alanis morissette song, maybe.



on topic, i live in northern california and i'm surrounded by great wine-producing regions: napa; sonoma; mendocino; amador county; el dorado county; lodi; etc.

i mostly drink red wine and i'm a sucker for big, jammy lodi zinfandels.

alasdair

 

[Eveleivibe]

^did you get my E-mail to bluelight pls?

Evey

 

[fightingthetoot]

I know fuck all, literally about wine. I do not think buckfast is included, which actually isn't a real wine anyway but is my wine (if ya even know what buckfast is)


I do have a glass of red if am eating out sometimes, just so I can pretend to be a snobby prick. Not saying all wine drinkers are like that, just love a stereotype when it comes to wine drinking, and that stereotype is, their all pricks.

 

[Don Luigi]

I know fuck all, literally about wine. I do not think buckfast is included, which actually isn't a real wine anyway but is my wine (if ya even know what buckfast is)


I do have a glass of red if am eating out sometimes, just so I can pretend to be a snobby prick. Not saying all wine drinkers are like that, just love a stereotype when it comes to wine drinking, and that stereotype is, their all pricks.

Yes, mate - the tonic is the only wine I drink. The guy at the offy suggested I try 'El Dorado', a Scottish equivalent, and it was a bit too spicy. It wasn't too bad but nothing beats the original.

 

[One Thousand Words]

I know fuck all, literally about wine. I do not think buckfast is included, which actually isn't a real wine anyway but is my wine (if ya even know what buckfast is)


I do have a glass of red if am eating out sometimes, just so I can pretend to be a snobby prick. Not saying all wine drinkers are like that, just love a stereotype when it comes to wine drinking, and that stereotype is, their all pricks.

*They're

 

[Don Luigi]

Internet pedants are pricks, too

 

[Nom de Plume]

That's where your logic falls down, not everyone hates the taste of alcohol. In fact it is an essential componment of the flavour profile of most every alcoholic drink out there.

Really, now? So then I wouldn't be wrong to suppose you'd find rectified spirits of 98+% ABV simply delectable, yeah? Mmmm, that sumptuous, delightful sting like a cattle prod on my taste buds, and that incredibly ambrosial burning in my esophagus immediately accompanying the ingurgitation of firewater—oh, I can just feel the ulceration of my guts with each and every simply sublime swig of that savory sauce! Yum! The thought makes my mouth water (and my stomach churn, gut wrench, and face contort into an expression of noisome revolt).

Actually, the only logic here that succeeds in failure is yours. For if the taste of ethanol is so toothsome, why drink it in beverages that contain such a small amount of it, like wine? Alcohol in itself is supposedly so enjoyable and nectarous, yet you can only muster the gumption to quaff it down when it is heavily adulterated with additional ingredients. Ingredients, mind you, that were added solely to temper the terrible taste of ethanol, to begin with.

I mentioned cocoroco in my initial comment. It's fantastic stuff if you wanna get as sloshed as as able whilst drinking as little as possible. Cocoroco is like Bolivian moonshine, and, goddamn, is it one almost impossibly pungent, astonishing acerbic, and utterly unforgettable taste of any drink I've yet drank. With an ABV over 95%, I would say it packs a punch but fear such a clichéd descriptor is far too extreme an understatement. One could more precisely say it packs a gustatory .45 ACP, rather than a puny punch, like with most Vodka (Skyy, Absolut, Smirnoff, etc) .

So, I ask, if one likes the taste of ethanol alcohol, why not drink only rectified spirits sans jello, juice, fruit punch, tea, lemonade, carbonated water, and any other substances added to make it easier to guzzle?

I already know the answer, so don't bother. You like wine because you like the effect of alcohol, and wine allows you to achieve that desirable effect with the least amount of tongue torture and a lesser sensation of gastroesophageal electrocution and intestinal mmolation. Do not pretend otherwise; you aren't funny if joking, and aren't convincing if serious.

 

[fightingthetoot]

*They're

Thanks dawlface xxx

 

[Nom de Plume]

pretentious, toi?

yep.

alasdair

I was wondering when it would be time to post annoyingly repetitive, patently irrelevant, extraneous, unfunny, sardonic, witless quips that have already been said enough times before to become just a sad, bromidic cliché about as stale as a two week-old unwrapped saltine cracker. Vomiting out pathetically unoriginal platitudes from that fetid, gaping orifice above your chin make you seem like a bovine herd animal incapable of verbal freshness and original phraseology, not like a an Oscar Wilde linguistic doppelganger.

 

[Don Luigi]

I was wondering when it would be time to post annoyingly repetitive, patently irrelevant, extraneous, unfunny, sardonic, witless quips that have already been said enough times before to become just a sad, bromidic cliché about as stale as a two week-old unwrapped saltine cracker. Vomiting out pathetically unoriginal platitudes from that fetid, gaping orifice above your chin make you seem like a bovine herd animal incapable of verbal freshness and original phraseology, not like a an Oscar Wilde linguistic doppelganger.

It seems Russell Brand has been a member all this time!