The Weight of Human Life, and the Concept of Death. - Effects of 25i-NBOMe overdose

[JasperTheReckless]

Easter of 2012 I had a near fatal overdose on 25i-NBOMe. We mismeasured and I dosed 9mg+ in one drop. Since, I have been sliding into a brutal depression, worse than i've ever been in my life. I'll have week or two long lifts, followed by hitting a new low shortly thereafter.

I can't cope with questions my mind forms about death, and what my life is really worth.
I'm beginning to become truly terrified, because I no longer think of my future the same way, I can't picture myself older; I'm horrified I am going to die young, due to my inability to deal with things in my life I don't have control over.
I don't know what to do, because nothing any hospital has ever done has come close to addressing what brings me to feel like this.
I feel like i'm losing my mind.

Help.

 

[spork]

Jasper, I'm so sorry you've been feeling this way. I know how terrified you must be feeling right now.

I think trying to live and think more in the now could help you a lot. I often get into the same sort of mindset when I start to think of my future (or my past), but it really seems to help me to take deep breaths and to tell myself that all that matters is now. It really does help calm me down and view things in a different perspective.

Also, have you talked to a therapist or counselor about these feelings at all? Sometimes talking or writing about these sorts of feelings can help tremendously.

Try to remember that these thoughts are just thoughts, not necessarily reality. Much love.

 

[Vaya]

That is truly intense. I regret that I am unfamiliar with the nuances of that particular research chem, but I can tell you that you sound as though you are in a very purgatorial, indecisive place - two conditions that are frequently prerequisites for some intense anxiety.

Have you been especially anxious as of late? Tell us more...
You might also want to try additionally exploring others' experiences with the longering effects of 25i-NBOMe in the Psychedelic Drugs forum, as I'm quite sure that the likelihood of connecting with others who have used the material before is significantly higher!

~ Vaya

 

[JasperTheReckless]

I am under alot of stress in almost every area of my life; My father and aunt are both, terminally ill, both in constant suffering. I have to watch and be constantly reminded there's nothing I can do to stop it. My mother is on the verge of losing her mind, because she has to watch the same thing, her husband and her sister go through agony, in addition to her son (me) slowly killing himself with heavy drug use. I have become kind of lost in what matters and doesn't and often do stupid things to try to get a reaction from myself, the newest thing was shoplifting, in a short period of time i've gotten just under two grand in fines, with medical bills rolling in, and not a cent to my name. I can't find a job, and I have nothing left to sell. I've screwed up without means to fix it.
I'm losing friends because they can't watch it, and i'm never more than a day away from being homeless.

 

[Eyes On the Roll]

I know exactly what you're going through. I myself took way too much of the stuff one time.

Here's my story.

I took a xanax bar 2 hours prior to this. I was at a friends house and they were all doing 25i. At this house, we always tried new legal things out, and I wanted to partake. I tried some, and it didn't work (because of the xanax), and i kept doing more and more to try to feel it. When the xanax bar went away, the 25i hit me all at once. I was in my friends room with a group of people, and I became paranoid that they were going to rob and killed me. I stood up, ran out of the house, hopped in my car, and took off. I shouldn't have driven at all. I had no vision of the physical world, it's a wonder I'm alive. All I was seeing was 3-d images of dragons anmd random shit, I couldn't tell if I was on the road or not, which eventually lead to my arrest. It has traumatized me to this day.

 

[JasperTheReckless]

I've, unfortunately, posted on BL before regarding thoughts of suicide.
Each time, worse than the last. This particular episode is easing up, but the way the trend has been going, I have no difficulty seeing the next as one where I will have to face admitting myself to a hospital.
I have resorted to using dxm as a last resort to push the feelings out of my head, but I don't know if the crash will make it worse than it was to begin with.

 

[Missykins]

The crash may make you worse off than your original state. IMO, you would benefit from professional help. No doctor is going to judge you. In fact, they will help you.

Let this be a cautionary tale.

 

[JasperTheReckless]

I don't know how to describe what troubles me, other than the major details; the minor intricacies, are in fact, a larger portion of the issue, because they aren't things I can put words to. In the end they may not be such huge problems as they seem, but I can't ask a question in a language I don't know, you feel me?

 

[Captain.Heroin]

Maybe you don't want to, and if so that's OK, but can you describe in detail the "questions about death" your mind forms?

Sometimes psychedelics can produce difficult to accept realizations, or perceptions (whether they are real or not is up for debate of course) - and sometimes this can be incredibly difficult to integrate into your normal life.

I'm always here to talk if you want to.