You've become one of the better poets that frequents our little sub-forum.
This, however, is not one of my favorites.
"The" occurs at least one too many times in the first stanza.
(
http://www.trussel.com/the.htm)
It can be used, in poetry, to universalize an otherwise uncontextualized character or place. That is: since we don't know who the vagrant is specifically, or which town he is approaching, it becomes THE vagrant and THE town. It is not the familiar "the" that you're using, but rather the absolute!
This poem is not about a vagrant: it is about
vagrants; about
vagrancy.
Shifting from the town to the city to the village is, I assume, an attempt to universalize even further. It starts to get too broad, too universal for it's own good. I'd like to see a bit more specificity. I want to feel like I'm there, or - indeed - that "there" even exists. It should co-exist as the literal context for your poem and the symbolic.
On the other hand, are the city and the village different places? (The vagrant finds refuge in the village, which seems contrary to favouring the outskirts and/or hiding from the authorities.)
It's a little confusing.
It should be a bit more "active".
Almost all of your verbs are in present participle form.
http://www.edufind.com/english/grammar/present_participle.php
loping/ favoring/ keeping/ advancing/ shuffling/ seeking/ searching/ flogging/ shuffling (again)/ awaiting
The repetition of ing-ing-ing is a little jarring, but there's another issue. Near the end of the poem you use the verbs "ease" & "are". They stand out. Your decision to switch from present participle, serves to accentuate the non present-partiples. They become the most "active" part of your poem. Though, I'm not sure if they should be.
Then again, I don't entirely understand what you're trying to say here.
I would re-write it about "a specific" vagrant. Universiality can be implied just as effectively, without overusing "the".
The tone & metre are also somewhat inconsistent. The fifth and sixth stanza not only shift preferred verb structure, they also change in voice and rhythm. The thing that struck me the most was the first line of the sixth stanza. "There are too folk like these." It's grammatically sloppy and it reads like a hillbilly or a prospector or something. The vocabulary throughout the poem, does not match this voice. You should write in your own voice, unless there's a particular reason not to. Here, there's no reason to revert to Old-English or characterizations IMO. I had to stop and re-read that sentence a couple of times. It prevented me, significantly, from engaging with the poem until it's conclusion.
Finally, "the shire's bank"?!?
The poem is six short stanzas, yet you're attempting (I think) to tell, or perhaps just comment on, a universal story about mankind. If the city and the town and the village are indeed different places, then I assume the shire is too? In which case, you're spanning four locations in six stanzas. It's too fast for me. I think you're trying to do too much.
Usually I can hear your soul when I read your words.
This one, for me, comes across as a little pretentious.
You're developing as a writer.
Don't get ahead of yourself.
Always enjoy reading your stuff, very visceral
