• ✍️ WORDS ✍️

    Welcome Guest!

  • Words Moderators: Shambles

The ways of Hip Hop (freestyle)

W

Whire Rabbit

Ex-Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 6, 2001
Messages
606
Location
Sydney, Australia
Well it took me abut 15 minutes to write this piece so it's almost a freestyle i guess. Anyway, it's just a quickie, please tell me what you think I welcome critique!

Let me introduce myself and tell you what my life consists of
getting up in the morning, hitting a gym and looking for a job
but instead of working hard and making a career for myself
I look deep inside my heart, grab my pen, begin to spell,
begin to put my feelings through the lyrics on the paper
and I try to make it mean something, I'm not a poser or a faker
I'm not writing these words to "get rich or die trying"
cos unlike 50 cent I do it for the love of rhyming
well that's my life, my mind to you might seem quite simple
just reading someone else's poetry can make my cheeks cave in in dimples
but I believe that hip hop is an advanced mean of communication
painting a vivid picture in your listener's imagination
I've learned to explore the topics more than just skin deep
I've learned to flow my verses in ways that are creative
I do believe hip hop was made for the purpose
of taking the listener into my world with my warped verses
I found a way to capture listeners attention
"all eyes on me" when freestyle's being mentioned
they say that picture is worth a thousand words apparently
but some scriptures that I've heard are worth an entire art gallery
Which would impress you more, an ordinary story
or a descriptive song that's full of allegories?
Which one would really blow your mind and make an impact?
Which one would make you think and leave an imprint?
Don't get me wrong, a prose can be a powerful weapon
but when I try to reach out, I like to use different methods
I carefully choose my rhymes, infuse them with venom
and when it comes to jotting down lines, my pen turns to loose cannon
But anyway, it's time to stop describing my war tactics
hit "Post Reply", get back to real life and practice, practice, practice...
 
You got some nice lines in there dude. Lyrically its good shit.

Flow wise, you need some work.

I flowed it in my head and kept getting stuck. Work more on rhyming words/sounds within the lines, not just the last word (though you weren't being confined to strict final word rhymes which is good).

For example

"well that's my life, my mind to you might seem quite simple
just reading someone else's poetry can make my cheeks cave in in dimples"

Theres too many syllables in there, try and balance out the lines more in ways on syllables, you'll find it'll have a nicer rhythm and flow better.

Like the last line has too many words in it IMO,

--- well thats my life, to you my mind might seem quite simple
but the poetry of others can make my cheeks cave in dimples

I dunno, mines not really much better, haha, but i think you get the idea.

And what i mean with rhyming in between lines is like

never erratic like the lava emitting from volcanic
eruptions, read the instructions before the introductions begin,
enter, my evil twin
flickin the flint on the lighter illuminates his grin
i have to stop him startin fires so i grab it,
stoppin the havoc i drop rhymes with whire rabbit

--- i mean that has fuck all meaning, but if u can see in lines i've repeated a similar strain of rhyme through a few lines, (begin, twin, grin - grab it, havoc, rabbit). Basically it just enables you to vary your flow.

Think of rhyming words as kinda like bases, with more bases you have more option in your attack as you can bounce between them in different ways.

But that said, don't go overboard on them.

Umm, i think i'm rambling now, heh. My advice if ure serious about rhyming is start freestyling and start putting ure written rhymes to a verbal form. You'll understand what i mean then and get a much better concept of flow.
Also, if ure really into it, listen to other rappers specifically focusing on their flow. How they structure their phrases, rhythmically and rhymes. You'll pick up alot.

I liked your piece though, lyrically was very tidy :)

If you have any more questions or whatever don't hesitate to ask. Id like to see some mroe of ure stuff too! Peace bro

Adikkal
 
yeah, what addikal said about rhyme variety.
but as for flow, well that's "in the mouth of the rapper."
often i'll let a pal read something i've written and they stumble thru it looking for the beat. then i show 'em, what i had in mind... often its just that its hard to write "flow."
i personally love "long line" stuff.
and if its tricky to get the "flow" then i work around it and think to myself... "love to hear them spit that over 16 bars."
 
Cool, thank you very much for your replies!

Addikal,

I see what you mean about reading between the lines and drawing out a common theme in the sentences. That is a very good advice actually, made a few things more clear for me!
Also, I do put my written stuff to verbal flow, I make my own beats on computer also and just practice freestyling. This piece was done to a very chilled out and laidback beat that I just made up in my head and it was more like talking rather than standard 16 bar rapping, kind of like The Streets if you know what I mean. And I certainly listen to other artists, however I'm very new to hip hop and don't know that many actual hip hop artists (I don't count Jay Z and such as hip hop, though I listen to 2pac, Cypress Hill and Biggie and the likes) so I was wondering if you could recommend me some to listen to. One that really blew my mind was a guy who calls himself Brother Ali, do you know much about him? Is there a site with his lyrics or something?? His flow is amazing!

Doc,

Do you know where I can find Brother Ali albums in Sydney?? I heard him once on the radio and never heard of him since.
Also, can you recommend any Sydney hip hop acts that I could benefit from listening to? I heard Sole in one of the mixes and I really liked that.

Cheers guys, thanks for your comments again!
 
Last edited:
Hey Whire, good to see u gettin into the hip hop! I emcee myself and its been a nice journey to get where i'm at, a journey of learning.

Text can never do a flow justice so i'm sure what u wrote flowed but its harder to pick up in text.

Ahh artists artists artists! Well, i'ma give you a good list to hit up man...

Brother Ali is part of the Rhymesayers label and he is dope as. You could prolly pick up his album from next level records in george st in the city. Its opposite Bing Lee, upstairs in this arcade thing.

Other dopeness includes

- Atmosphere
- Eyedea
- Aesop Rock
- Sage Francis
- Pete Rock & C.L Smooth (check the album, the main ingredient)
- Mr Lif
- The Pharcyde (early 90s phat funky hip hop, VERY good shit)

That should get you started..

As far as ozhip hop goes.

You must buy the Hilltop Hoods album called, The Calling. Its awesome. The Herd also have some good shit, Downsyde aswell..

Check out my second home www.ozhiphop.com/forum
To get in touch with the ozhiphop community if you want. Lots of shit there.

Also, check out some of my shit lemme know what u think

www.newlevel-media.com/adikkal

Check out, cars, friends, and the battle ones are ok aswell.

Sydney hip hop acts.... <plug> my band The Suitable Few will be playing at the cat and fiddle hotel in balmain on sat 27th December... we're a unique style of funky hip hop. Had our debut gig last week and it went off, i'll post details for the new gig in the events forum so keep an eye out! </plug>

Anyway, peace man!

Adikkal
 
Hey dude, thanks for the info! Didn't realise your a local as well!

I actually heard Hilltop Hoods on JJJ last night and yeah they are very awesome indeed!
And I had a listen to your mp3 files, lol cars is very cool and very to the point, very much like my life except I don't drive a commo but the rest is true.
Hopefully I'll have 27 of December free so I can come down and watch your band perform.
Just one question about freestyling... how do you stay on the same topic all the time and keep elaborating on it?? Like in your song "cars" for example, you went on to tell everyone about the car that you drive, described what you would like to be driving, described your thoughts on dangerous driving etc. I need to know how to develop the theme like this, keep finding creative points in the most mundane topics.

Cheers!
 
Ahh, glad you liked :)

Well cars isn't a freestyle, it's written.
That track was a topic battle submission i made for the hiphop forum i visit, the topic being cars. I basically just wrote out some things in point form i thought i could cover in a track and then just started writing, getting ideas as i went.

As far as staying on topic when freestyling... well, thats a fine art. It's something that will improve with alot of practice and sometimes i can do it well, other times i can't. Try not to be stuck to stictly rhyming when freestyling. Try more to stick to the topic and stay in rhythm and it will still sound cool. That is, don't start to talk to much shit just for the sake of rhyming.

That said though, shit talking is a central element of freestyling cos basically its fucken hard to keep a nice flow up and be talking about poignant issues. Just don't talk TOO much shit :D

Adikkal
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top