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'The voice mail I wish I were brave enough to leave for you'

A

Ashke

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 3, 1999
Messages
4,806
Location
Gahanna, Ohio USA
I heard you came to my house yesterday
Left a note on my door
But I wasn't there.
Sweetheart, I don't know what to tell you.
I'm in California.
I'm starting a new life out here.
I'm sorry no one answered when you came
Only my little brother was home
And he's still scared of you.
My mom found your note and called me right away,
Gave me your pager number.
And so this is the voice mail I wish
I were brave enough to leave for you.
Guess I'm still scared of you too, baby.
See, I can't forget the last time
You stopped by, about six months ago
Again, I wasn't home
Instead my mother answered the door.
Standing there on her porch
You were still so beautiful,
She said.
Even though you looked sick.
Even though the girl under your arm was younger than me.
Even though you asked to borrow nine-hundred dollars.
Even though she actually gave it to you.
Even though we haven't seen your deadbeat junkie ass since.
And I asked her, 'Why, goddamnit!
What were you thinking?!'
Her face pinched a little
And she shook her head helplessly.
And I knew.
In her heart you are still the orphan boy
Her lost child
With hurts she couldn't heal
And a life she couldn't save.
So what's up with coming to my house yesterday, Morgan?
Are you still a fucked up wreck?
If so, then stay the hell away from my family.
Are you here to pay my mom back, or ask for more money?
Are you here to tell me you're sorry?
Sorry for robbing my family twice now?
Sorry for all the needles and the lies
And the time that I wasted
In the black hole that was
Our tumultuous relationship?
Are you here to say you're clean?
Are you here to make my dreams come true
Two years too late?
Sweetheart, I'm in California.
I'm starting a new life out here.
If you are healed
Then I am happy for you, Morgan.
And I'd like for you to call me
Tell me how it all happened
And let me know how you've been.
~*~ Ashke ~*~
[This message has been edited by Ashke (edited 28 November 2000).]
 
That's deep Ashke.
smile.gif
 
Wow Ashke. You have magic in your words, for your words have always been so very real and heartfealt. That's a whole lot of emotions you are going through right now. Amazing how a blast from the past can catch us off guard and send us into a torrent of wondering. I wish you peace, like you give the world.
Love always,
-Amina
PS - Here's a poem I thought you could relate to right now.
FAMOUS BLUE RAINCOAT http://www.leonardcohen.com/famousb.html
It's four in the morning, the end of December
I'm writing you now just to see if you're better
New York is cold, but I like where I'm living
There's music on Clinton Street all through the evening.
I hear that you're building your little house deep in the desert
You're living for nothing now, I hope you're keeping some kind of record.
Yes, and Jane came by with a lock of your hair
She said that you gave it to her
That night that you planned to go clear
Did you ever go clear?
Ah, the last time we saw you you looked so much older
Your famous blue raincoat was torn at the shoulder
You'd been to the station to meet every train
And you came home without Lili Marlene
And you treated my woman to a flake of your life
And when she came back she was nobody's wife.
Well I see you there with the rose in your teeth
One more thin gypsy thief
Well I see Jane's awake --
She sends her regards.
And what can I tell you my brother, my killer
What can I possibly say?
I guess that I miss you, I guess I forgive you
I'm glad you stood in my way.
If you ever come by here, for Jane or for me
Your enemy is sleeping, and his woman is free.
Yes, and thanks, for the trouble you took from her eyes
I thought it was there for good so I never tried.
And Jane came by with a lock of your hair
She said that you gave it to her
That night that you planned to go clear
-- Sincerely, L. Cohen
(L. Cohen) Stranger Music, Inc.
 
wow.
i can't really think of any other words to do you, and that, justice.
just, wow.
consider me speechless....and that is a rarity.
bc
------------------
bc-
**Proud to be an Official member of the Stuck-Up/8-Up Crew**
"Fuck PLUR! it's all about hardcore ass fucking!!"
We'll make great pets...
 
i've got butterflies in my belly.
you are incredible.
xoxox.MiNiMoWs
ps: remember what i told you the night when we met.
 
Ashke,
Once again,, with such a youthful person comes an old soul who writes such words that everyone can visualize and relate.
I love it when your inspriration hits you hun, but not always the reasons why.
(((((hugs)))))) to my kiddo
 
Remnants of our past...we used to love...now we want to hate...but somehow neither is possible anymore. And so instead we move on, keeping only the bittersweet memories.
I feel like you and I have lived through alot of similar things Ashke...and we're both only twenty but feel thirty...funny, isn't it? I love reading your work hun, cuz not only is each piece beautifully and artistically written, but also so hauntingly real it almost hurts to read sometimes. You have the ability to deeply move your readers, what I consider the mark of a truly talented writer.
Just thought I'd take this opportunity to tell ya.
wink.gif

Much love and respect,
Kim.
------------------
~*~I hope you take a piece of me with you...~*~
 
Ashke:
Man... that brought back soooooo many memories!
Wow, I know how you feel. I went thur the same thing, my mom.. the nice person she is, went thur it to with me. We both tried to help and well, I guess you can't help someone if they won't help themselves.
Jay
------------------
"Roads?, We were going we dont need roads!"
 
doesn't this make you all miss the hell out of Ashke??
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E-girl
IM: tiggersgurl2067
Find one person you can count on forever, one person you can love forever, and one person you can be with forever... and if you're lucky, it will all be the same person.
"Live for the memories."
 
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