Vaile*
Bluelighter
.....you see, it can be a movie. Some sort of black comedy. It happens often. And every time I see it again, I really get confused.
I remember my English teacher explaining the value of metaphor. But I'm not sure they understand it. Because when I am there, watching with my mind's eye as everything unfolds, I know they don't know. I know they're not really knowing.
Yet, I persist in breaking it down.
It can't be purity. It's not friendly. Is it something to do with not being there in the first place? But they are always laughing......
I think it's incessant mockery. So why does it bother? I know they know. I know they're really knowing whats going on.
And so, occasionally, I'll find myself just short of commitment. Drawing steel, and watching their confusion, as they have witnessed mine from time to time. That sickly laughter. The narrowing of the pupils. The shatter of logic. Seeing comfort withdraw as it is replaced by simple, primitive survival.
But I can't do that. What would I have to do next week? and it just can't be anyone.
"Hey....."
I get tapped on the shoulder.
"Hey....."
It happens again. So I turn my head.
"Do you want anything?"
"No.. I'm fine..." I reply with a weak smile.
He looks at me again.
He starts laughing....
"you know..." he says... "I thought after this long you would have got used to it.... you're a real flake dude. Are you ok?"
I look at him. I notice the quick dart of his eyes.... that subtle shift in balance.
"yeah..." I reply.
"You know I've got my on and off days......."
[ 21 May 2002: Message edited by: Vaile* ]
I remember my English teacher explaining the value of metaphor. But I'm not sure they understand it. Because when I am there, watching with my mind's eye as everything unfolds, I know they don't know. I know they're not really knowing.
Yet, I persist in breaking it down.
It can't be purity. It's not friendly. Is it something to do with not being there in the first place? But they are always laughing......
I think it's incessant mockery. So why does it bother? I know they know. I know they're really knowing whats going on.
And so, occasionally, I'll find myself just short of commitment. Drawing steel, and watching their confusion, as they have witnessed mine from time to time. That sickly laughter. The narrowing of the pupils. The shatter of logic. Seeing comfort withdraw as it is replaced by simple, primitive survival.
But I can't do that. What would I have to do next week? and it just can't be anyone.
"Hey....."
I get tapped on the shoulder.
"Hey....."
It happens again. So I turn my head.
"Do you want anything?"
"No.. I'm fine..." I reply with a weak smile.
He looks at me again.
He starts laughing....
"you know..." he says... "I thought after this long you would have got used to it.... you're a real flake dude. Are you ok?"
I look at him. I notice the quick dart of his eyes.... that subtle shift in balance.
"yeah..." I reply.
"You know I've got my on and off days......."
[ 21 May 2002: Message edited by: Vaile* ]
