I know. And everything you said is basically true. I guess that last post was more of a rant just because I got something stuck in my head. I think my point was just that life shouldn’t have to suck.Hey Squeaky. People like us that take all of our prescribed medicine in the first 6 days of being issued said script are addicted to the meds. We try and fool ourselves that we need more to deal with our pain but we lie to ourselves. We have both admitted that when we run out our pain is still manageable with different things ( like kratom and weed ) so obviously we can deal with the pain without the script. You aren't alone as there are many on here that gobble up their scripts ( I have seen BL's that report eating them in as little as 3 days ). Because you are prescribed 30mg oxy you are one of the millions that got the most abusable little blue pill out there.
I know I sound like a broken record but you will never be able to take them as prescribed. You will binge on them every single month and go without for the remainder. It is just the nature of addiction. It doesn't make us bad people or a " junkie " or anything else. Oxy feels amazing. It is extremely abusable. Your only way off of the hamster wheel is to get your Doc to give you an ER formulation or to switch to a painkiller that helps your pain yet does not produce the euphoria that you seek. I know you say you don't get high off of them but I don't believe that entirely. Maybe not as high as you used to get but I know you still feel euphoria or you wouldn't gobble them up so quick.
You can continue to misuse the script or you can admit you have a problem. You actually already admitted you had a problem a few posts ago. You can start taking methadone to control your pain and the addiction. You can also get suboxone. Or you can stay on the Oxy and live your life as you have been. If you think that filling your script and giving them to someone else will work you will just manipulate that person to give them to you. Your wife in this instance. You can't fill the script and pretend they don't exist.
Changing meds or using your script as prescribed is the only way out. I am pretty sure you know that already. I'm pretty sure you have known that for a long time now. Read back through your posts on this really long thread and I think you will see what I mean.
Occasionally in the last couple of years I have seen some random person who clearly isn’t taking care of themselves. Morbidly obese, smoking like a chimney, drinking every day, etc. Walking down the street and clearly NOT in pain, sleeping like a baby. I get really angry. I did all of the right things and I still get to suffer. I haven’t been without pain for several years now, and I have slept good only a few times(on oxy) since Obama was president. The last straw is that the little blue pills work but only in huge quantities. Addict or not, it’s a shit situation and nobody is able to do anything except stamp a label on my forehead.
As for methadone..... Probably the worst idea I ever had was breaking my pills into quarters and taking a little every 2 hours. I was effectively on oxy 24/7 with no downtime in between. The psychological wd’s from that experiment were horrible and I became more tolerant to the meds. Ironically, the plan was to cut down my dosage and then slowly extend the time between doses but it really only made me need pills all day to not feel really depressed and get almost no pain relief. Methadone would be great if I was only dealing with wd’s, but I seem to do best if there is some downtime between pills throughout the day.