Positive The Tapering Supportive/Social Thread

[dopiejay]

You have any seizures coming off those... did you start taking them again I wouldn't blame you this is breaking me. This is tearing my whole entire life apart. I don't know how muchh longer I can go on like this. The drug is TORTURING ME. I think I should raise my dose I really should. But man. Then I think of how I can't even play guitar anymore because I had to take this shit to fucking keep myself alive. You have any seizures though cause Im on the verge of one

And no dude I didn't have any seizures but I came very very close. And I was never on as high doses as you are.

 

[Xorkoth]

Nice job on not drinking, in my experience, when you're dealing with GABAergic drug withdrawal, alcohol just makes things worse. I mean for a short time it helps, but the rebound from alcohol always makes me feel like shit way more than it does if I'm not dealing with GABAergic nonsense.

 

[Painful One]

Wishing those who suffer from chronic pain a day of easy living today.

Thank you!

Hoping Ash and Squeaky are well today.

It has been a major wind and snow storm here so I am pretty much crippled. Ouch!

You have to get that doctor appointment today ShroomySatori. It is a MUST!

 

[Painful One]

I'm fighting myself not to take my last 3 Valium. The depression is slowly getting better but it'll get worse again eventually. Gotta love bipolar disorder.

Opioids have been helping keep me distracted at least in the past few days but I don't have much.

The benzo withdrawal is not bad anymore actually and I haven't been drinking either since I got violently sick on New Years lol.

Things are coming around slowly.

"Things are coming around slowly"- excellent. Nice job D.J.

I am glad that I have never liked alcohol at all. It makes me feel like absolute shit!
My body rejects it with a violent passion. Lol!
I have heard alcohol withdrawal is the ultimate worst withdrawal so be very careful my brother.
I sure don't want you to endure that! No way!!

I wish I knew how to help with the bi-polar thing. I know that is so awful for you guys.
My cousin has that and it just hurts my heart so bad and I have no idea how to help.

Wow! On the story about your buddy getting robbed for benzo's and the people who did it ending up loosing their minds and in institutes, trying to suicide themselves and jail. Sounds like it was a blessing for your buddy to be honest. Money is worthless really.
It cannot even compare to your health and well being.

I was the most miserable in my life the times where I was very rich. I remember thinking- " how could I have this much money and be so miserable, I could do anything, go anywhere." Money is not wealth!

Be well D.J. Keep on working towards being/staying stable. It will come.

 

[Xorkoth]

Yeah a lot of people with more money than they could possibly ever use are miserable. Money is weird because lack of sufficient money to survive comfortably reduces your quality of life because of stress. But more money than you need does not make you happy and in fact the endless pursuit of money can ruin lives (and is the main problem in the world, too).

 

[EPL1]

Good to see you around DJ.

I love reading your posts, you are a very thoughtful and caring person. I see you've been going through a lot, I'm sorry. I am glad that things are starting to come around for you.

Here if you need me, pm me anytime.

Much love,
your friend,
Ash.

I'm fighting myself not to take my last 3 Valium. The depression is slowly getting better but it'll get worse again eventually. Gotta love bipolar disorder.

Opioids have been helping keep me distracted at least in the past few days but I don't have much.

The benzo withdrawal is not bad anymore actually and I haven't been drinking either since I got violently sick on New Years lol.

Things are coming around slowly.

 

[EPL1]

Thanks Painful One, you are very kind to always think of us.

How are you doing?

Love you,
Ash.

Thank you!

Hoping Ash and Squeaky are well today.

It has been a major wind and snow storm here so I am pretty much crippled. Ouch!

You have to get that doctor appointment today ShroomySatori. It is a MUST!

 

[ShroomySatori]

Yeah a lot of people with more money than they could possibly ever use are miserable. Money is weird because lack of sufficient money to survive comfortably reduces your quality of life because of stress. But more money than you need does not make you happy and in fact the endless pursuit of money can ruin lives (and is the main problem in the world, too).

Finance in general has been on my mind a lot lately. Cool. I have been so stupid with money as an addict.

I am seeing both a hospital psychiatrist and my GP in the next couple weeks. I have about a gram of etiz I will be fine before then. I think the hospital psychiatric unit is really where I need to bring this up first, and I am. It's a referral from like 6 months ago the wait times are crazy, I got really lucky here and with my GP too as my doctor needs to be informed as well. Hopefully it is on an outpatient basis as with the right dose I am functional to live life. I am sure he has tapered people off benzos before, and high doses - very strong fentanyl laced xanax bars are popular here. Professional has probably heard of etizolam by now too.

 

[Xorkoth]

Heh, I think we can all say we've been stupid with money as an addict. I shudder to think at how much money I threw down the drain at opiates... and even at alcohol, stimulants, etc. I've also thrown a lot of money at psychedelics but that's the only one I don't regret because I basically never have to buy those again due to my collection

 

[ShroomySatori]

Can pretty much say the same for myself. I should have more money than I do at this point in my life and it is frustrating. I at least have copious amounts of etizolam and did a medical pot buy too I have a decent half ounce or so. Not complaining about that and I will get to try high CBD pot too. Benzos started costing me a fortune at times. Opiates... you are right. Shudder. For fucks sake. At least I got to try some cool shit like 2c-t-2. Alcohol come to think of it like at the bars and events was ridiculous.

I would say one million dollars total. At the very least. Including pot and everything.

Sitting with my thoughts today. I have my appointments set up. I am going to be honest about what I am taking and what is wrong. Just done at this point those 2 weeks broke my brain. I'm so fried I didn't realize I have about twice as much etiz as I thought I did. It's time to check in with someone about this. I even have a powerful friend who will fly across the country to support me with these appointments. I have a lot of people on my side but this is one hell raiser of a gorilla on my poor back.

 

[EPL1]

Hi Shroomy,

I appreciate you taking the time to inquire about me. It is much appreciated.

I don't know, I'm a pretty even keeled person, dare I say stable. However, the holidays having my judging family around were more than tough to take for me.

So I guess I have been wallowing in the mire.

It really hits home when I have people around that judge me or attach stigma to me. It really shows me what I'm up against, the pain is hard enough, trying to keep my spirits up, but the scrutiny from others is what gets to me. You know?

Never worry that anything you write is too much for me, I care about you and want you to feel free to share anything you want to. You're a lovely person.

Thanks for your suggestions re posture and I wish you a very blessed and happy life as well. You deserve it.

I hope these doctors can undo some of the damage they've done to you. Hang in there Shroom, you will be alright.

Here for you anytime Shroom,
love,
your friend,
Ash.

Ash,

I haven't seen much here from you for a while. I have been tortured. I apologize if any of the messages were a little much for you. I think it is of vital importance at this time in the history of humankind that information about these drugs is spread. The Chinese have gone too far. They have created an abomination that is going to in my opinion, bring an end to the drug war and a lot of criminal activity.

Nobody can get away with making people suffer this much. It's highly addictive and people make mistakes. It should not be available this way. Whoever is involved in distributing and producing it, is playing a great part in the history of humankind. They are being so evil, heartless, careless, foolish, and blinded by money and legal protection that they do not see what they have become. Poison centres. No longer human, but slaves to the drug itself - an evil force that could be interpreted as anything from a molecular structure to an abominable, monstrous spirit.

Anyways, I think that these things are happening for a reason. My suffering is for a reason. I may die. There is a huge possibility I will die. I envision myself in a coffin resting peacefully. But, I don't want that. I want to live a long and happy life. This drug has ruined it. I used to have thousands of dollars of music equipment around. A 4k bike. All gone to this drug and I need it. I cannot stop it isn't like heroin where I just stopped one day. I think the last two weeks messed my head up to be honest. I still have tinnitus, and I feel really spaced out. I feel like I took a real beating. A real serious, thorough beating. I feel annihilated.

I hope you are well. I did not check the messages while I was gone. If I was gone? I can't remember. In benzo wd's there is too much amnesia. I do know that you care though, and I care about you too! So I hope that you have a great evening if you are in the same time zone, or wherever you are, in the coming hours I bless you with this.

Keep embracing the pain, the key is to see pleasure and pain as one and the same.

I don't mean to be so volatile it is sometimes beyond my control. You seem like a spiritual person too, like painful one and I. You probably have odd dreams, or flashbacks, deja vu, synchronicity, and see outside the box that humans have created for themselves to keep themselves from seeing the true light of the abyss. The infinite. Pain may be intractable, but you will always have your spirit.

I am not sure, myself. I think that when you die, whatever energy you had inside cannot be created or destroyed. It must remain the same, and if it leaves the body, where does it go? I feel that until certain obstacles are overcome, only a level of attainment may be reached. One of these is addiction that I am dealing with, it is holding back my spiritual growth significantly. It is rare to be born as a human, even rarer to be born as a good person, and rare to encounter these problems in life. We are special spirits and God sees through our eyes and knows all. I do not wish to die from this illness. It is very well possible. I like planet earth. I don't want to be reincarnated anywhere else where there are weird looking aliens and no weed, movies, candlelight, essential oils, and cute french girls. I just have so much left to do and cool jobs to work that I can't leave everything behind. But I don't think I can face benzo withdrawal unless it is a very slow 10% taper like ashton manual.

Time is of the essence so I thought I would leave you with some words of wisdom today. I am very stoned and what I am saying is not really coming from myself, but deeper within. I bless you with a long and happy life, please watch your posture with chronic pain. It makes a big difference to makes sure that your shoulders are set back and down in back, core engaged at all times, and neck not hanging down. That has helped me and maybe it will help you too. Thanks for the help, and everyone else.

 

[Painful One]

Yeah a lot of people with more money than they could possibly ever use are miserable. Money is weird because lack of sufficient money to survive comfortably reduces your quality of life because of stress. But more money than you need does not make you happy and in fact the endless pursuit of money can ruin lives (and is the main problem in the world, too).

Well spoken!

 

[Painful One]

Thanks Painful One, you are very kind to always think of us.

How are you doing?

Love you,
Ash.

Doing good Ash.
I can't complain but sometimes I still do. Haha!

Always thinking of you guys and praying for you.
Love you!

 

[Painful One]

Ash,

My family is the absolute worst for me to deal with. Hence the reason I ran out of medication seven days early and had to show up at my doctor and take a bitch out from him before Christmas. Even the thought of having a dinner with them makes me stress to the max and throws me off for weeks.

After this latest bullshit with them too- I have decided it is just best for me to have no contact with them. One day they will gain some wisdom. Until then- they have to fuck off for my own life!

I totally understand and so sorry you deal with that nonsense too.

Hang tough!

 

[Painful One]

Finance in general has been on my mind a lot lately. Cool. I have been so stupid with money as an addict.

I am seeing both a hospital psychiatrist and my GP in the next couple weeks. I have about a gram of etiz I will be fine before then. I think the hospital psychiatric unit is really where I need to bring this up first, and I am. It's a referral from like 6 months ago the wait times are crazy, I got really lucky here and with my GP too as my doctor needs to be informed as well. Hopefully it is on an outpatient basis as with the right dose I am functional to live life. I am sure he has tapered people off benzos before, and high doses - very strong fentanyl laced xanax bars are popular here. Professional has probably heard of etizolam by now too.

Good plan ShroomySatori.
Make sure you follow through dear.

Gotta get you feeling better!!

I don't want to see you like that again!

 

[EPL1]

PO, I sadly came to the same realization.

Putting on the dinner in my condition is difficult enough, but the stress I was put under was not good for me.

I can no longer share anything personal beyond superficial bs. I will also NOT be having my family over during the holidays.

Sorry you were dealing with the same bs PO.

I think for our own sanity we should just associate with people who actually get it. And that's not our family apparently.

So that's going to leave me pretty isolated but it's better than the alternative.

Keep your head up Gorgeous, you're the best.

Love,
Ash.

Ash,

My family is the absolute worst for me to deal with. Hence the reason I ran out of medication seven days early and had to show up at my doctor and take a bitch out from him before Christmas. Even the thought of having a dinner with them makes me stress to the max and throws me off for weeks.

After this latest bullshit with them too- I have decided it is just best for me to have no contact with them. One day they will gain some wisdom. Until then- they have to fuck off for my own life!

I totally understand and so sorry you deal with that nonsense too.

Hang tough!

 

[SweetLeaf7]

Hello friends - Painful One, Squeaky, Shroomy, Dopiejay et al.
I continue to try to taper from a 1000 ml (36 oz) vodka habit that I developed over the past year after I couldn't sleep on day 17 after tapering opioids in Jan 2018. I refuse to go to detox and be treated like a farm animal! I have been searching for at home alcohol tapering methods so I don't get seizures. My dad died from DTs so it does scare me.
Squeaky, my brother, I found an old thread from you on Baclofen and that has helped me to get down to a 300 ml (10 oz) vodka habit a day! But I can't get any more Baclofen - I had about 20 pills (10 mg). I am so grateful for that post!
I pray for all of us, that we may find peace. Living on The Dark Side sucks!
-SweetLeaf7

 

[Painful One]

Hello friends - Painful One, Squeaky, Shroomy, Dopiejay et al.
I continue to try to taper from a 1000 ml (36 oz) vodka habit that I developed over the past year after I couldn't sleep on day 17 after tapering opioids in Jan 2018. I refuse to go to detox and be treated like a farm animal! I have been searching for at home alcohol tapering methods so I don't get seizures. My dad died from DTs so it does scare me.
Squeaky, my brother, I found an old thread from you on Baclofen and that has helped me to get down to a 300 ml (10 oz) vodka habit a day! But I can't get any more Baclofen - I had about 20 pills (10 mg). I am so grateful for that post!
I pray for all of us, that we may find peace. Living on The Dark Side sucks!
-SweetLeaf7

So good to hear from you SweetLeaf7!
I have been wondering how you are doing.

You are making progress.
Just keep up the slow taper.
Back backlofen is easy to get. I'm sure you could aquire some of that from any doctor.
Back spasms, muscle relaxer that has worked for you in the past.

You can do this S.L.
This is not impossible.

You are not your dad! You are not going out that way!

You have remained in my prayers.
We will all get there.
Slowly but surely.

Much Love to you!

 

[ShroomySatori]

Hello friends - Painful One, Squeaky, Shroomy, Dopiejay et al.
I continue to try to taper from a 1000 ml (36 oz) vodka habit that I developed over the past year after I couldn't sleep on day 17 after tapering opioids in Jan 2018. I refuse to go to detox and be treated like a farm animal! I have been searching for at home alcohol tapering methods so I don't get seizures. My dad died from DTs so it does scare me.
Squeaky, my brother, I found an old thread from you on Baclofen and that has helped me to get down to a 300 ml (10 oz) vodka habit a day! But I can't get any more Baclofen - I had about 20 pills (10 mg). I am so grateful for that post!
I pray for all of us, that we may find peace. Living on The Dark Side sucks!
-SweetLeaf7

I am not telling you where or how or why, but there is pure baclofen available easily to you. It has been circulating in powder form. I am prescribed it, well I was, I don't pick it up anymore and ran out but it's a good med for detoxing. Kind of wish I had some right now. I was thinking of getting some for these benzo withdrawals as they work on gaba b, not gaba a, but maybe I should save more of the part of my brain that is suppose to help me destress. I already have enough holes through there like swiss cheese I bet.

You sound kind of like my situation and also the same fears - I don't want to have a seizure or die and I know it's possible but I don't know how serious the risk is or what DT's really feel like I mean I've had hallucinations and stuff but I don't think full blown that as I have never run out of benzos.. I refuse to be treated like an animal for having a severe xanax addiction and that is what I will become if I make a wrong move here.

It is a critical time of my life to make the right choices and I'm learning a lot. My intelligence is firing up again from all the problem solving. It's very hard to quit these. I cracked. Ive met my match, finally. It will stop all my drug use, but with a long term clonazepam taper it could be relatively painless. I am not going to act like the expert though but definitely have my say.

 

[Squeaky]

SL - 300 ml a day isnt a really large alcohol habit. Not to diminish your fear of dying, but you might be able to quit from there without seizures.
OR .... do a little research on conditions commonly treated with Baclofen and go get some prescribed.
Someone here posted in the Baclofen thread that they had found the clinical trial using Baclofen for alcoholism, took it to their Dr, and convinced him to prescribe it to treat their addiction. If it was working for you, then a good Dr might write the script to help you.
I still have a bottle of it, but it does nothing for me. No help with opiate wds, and no muscle relaxant effects even in high doses.