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Positive The Tapering Supportive/Social Thread

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Yes, Shroomy, 6 months off of opioids is a great accomplishment!
Well, I did call my doctor's office as soon as they opened today. i was given an appointment right away. So i drove up there, and it turns out that one of the sources of pain is my diaphragm... it apparently was irritated during the surgery, resulting in difficulty breathing without pain, pain in my shoulder, pain in my ribs and side. One of my sutures is also painful... thank goodness no infection. The P.A. I had was understanding, but very nervous re: pain meds. She wanted to give me prescription strength NSAIDS, which I already know upset my stomach. Then, she talked about Tramadol... really? I find that worthless, TBH. I asked for 5 vicodin. She consulted with the doctor, and came back with 10.
At first, she was going to make me drive all the way home, try NSAIDS and Tramadol for 2 days, and call her back after the holiday. I was assertive, but not rude. I told her it was chore driving up there once this week, let alone twice. And the heat is very draining... we are in the mid 90's today. Once again, I had to advocate for myself.
But I did it. I know there is no more medication in the future other than OTC, so I am praying my pain eases. I am going to use my pain meds judiciously... hopefully the pain will subside before I run out.
Next: I have to call my place of employment and find out if I can have unpaid leave, as I am definitely not up to working 12 hour shifts at this point in my healing process. And I don't have much paid time available, as I am part time. I also do not qualify for FMLA due to my part time status ( I researched this previously). I am willing to go with small paychecks for a month or so... however, it is up to my supervisor to allow that. It is always something, isn't it?
 
Happy 4th of July to those who celebrate. I am just checking in... my pain has decreased significantly, and I am finally getting some strength back. I still have 4 pain pills left... I have been amazed that I am able to take one when the pain is troubling, and then stop at that. I feel like this has been some sort of "test" from the universe... I am able to use medication as needed and then stop there. I want to say thank you to all of you here for providing support, encouragement, sharing your experiences and tough love, and just being yourselves. What an awesome bunch of people.
I did email my supervisor and scheduling coordinator regarding missing work... I emailed them yesterday a.m. I never heard back. So I will call them tomorrow, after the holiday, and check in via telephone. I am actually thinking of looking for another job anyway, so will let the chips fall where they may.
 
Good to hear pokemama. I know you resent those pills from before; I didn't know how much that could make a difference though. You're good to use them in an acute way.

I have restless legs right now, and that aching feeling in my upper arms that feels like poison seeping out of my bones. It is horrible; I still have these withdrawal symptoms sometimes this much longer later. It is crazy. I'm still having all sorts of physical symptoms and I'd like to be reading my book right now. It is over 1000 pages in fine print so it will be very rewarding to finish reading. With this searing fucking tickle of the devil in my upper arms, it is too distracting and today it is so bad it hurts it is painful. It is probably delayed onset post workout muscle soreness just like I always had growing up almost constantly somewhere and hardly noticed. I have a lot of other symptoms too though this is horrible, really. No idea why it would be so physical still after this long.
 
I am good though, smoking less chronic today. Cleared my head out and I just took 3 hits of chron at the end of the day. I think it is better used as a reward for me, not really a med I'm just a lil herb junkie. I am definitely addicted as fuck, both physically and mentally but I only care financially and that can be taken care of in the future and even reversed now that it is legal here and I have a lot of technical skills. Got a modern day high potency hybrid cola haha, fruity flavour. I'm as addicted to weed as I am to coffee just about actually weed way more but I drink like 10 cups a day so I got hooked on that since I quit opiates. I am totally useless without it now, I sort of switched to stimulants if I'm going to abuse something because they are not my thing. The crash is an awful deterrent. I've done coke twice this year, once a 3 day binge that honestly just sucked.

I dunno just hope I'm okay. I am tonight, but what about a week from now. It's tough living on the edge like that and remaining focussed on what is really important. I don't really care about being a lil addict I'd like to have a life. At this point... I dunno, that's what my girl used to say kinda stuff and I def agreed there is a point of no return, where it is no longer worth it to even bother, that is. Should have started shooting H and dealt with the benzos first, maybe. It's fuckin with me thinking about it all and I'm listening to lil peep x omenxiii and their album is amazing and I didn't get stoned all day so I could take three or four or five bong rips right now and feel lovely like this. So imma peace for now and do something more fun. Wonder why I started thinking about dope once I got stoned. With resent, the whole experience just totally sucked and took out a major chunk of my youth.
 
There is a hopelessness that comes with withdrawls in the first few hours/days. Its the fear that it will go on forever and its not worth going through it. After you experience it a few times there is less despair, knowing that there is a pattern to it, and if you let it run its course then things will surely return to normal.
I know you are very familiar with this Shroomi. I really hope for you that this stops happening to you some day soon.
 
I feel like shit all the time I've had a miserable life a miserable summer I cannot and never will figure out how to communicate with the opposite sex soon in will be August another summer gone by I've done absolutely nothing. No girls nothing it is an atrocity. Makes me wanna slash my wrists, pain the walls with blood, scream I am constantly CONSTANTLY screaming at myself internally over this. I am TRAPPED there is NO WAY I can meet ANY girl right now let alone the girl of my dreams. So this is where my life ends. I reufuse to live this way and I'm putting a stop to it. I can shoot myself up and die put myself out of my fucking despair Why the FUCK FUFK FUCKING FUCK don they EVER like me Last summer I was busy every day had a girl was fun. I started abusing the fuck out of xanax and etizolam and I'm literally going to die any day now.
 
Shroomy have you tried dating apps? Dream girl is not going to just show up at your door . Try the apps and be honest about yourself, your interests and what kind of girl and relationship you want .
 
Few years ago I felt pretty much same as you Shroomy.

I met my dream girl first time in a detox and suddenly I noticed her in a pics my friend whom I've also met in a detox used to post in FB.

Took few months until I finally got enough guts to ask her for a dinner.

I've never met anyone I've dated through dating apps as often people have unrealistic expectations about people they would like to date when they use daying sites/apps or they are just looking for a casual sex.

I am not saying you should get into detox to meet girls but that you could widen your search a bit and maybe even try to use those sites/apps that I dislike.

It might happen anywhere but it won't happen while you are sitting at your home alone.
 
Met my wife at work. Also a fiancee and two other girlfriends as well as a couple of one night stands at that job too.
Good think I dont work there anymore huh?
 
MrRoot said:
It might happen anywhere but it won't happen while you are sitting at your home alone.
Click to expand...

Larimar and Mr Root, this is what I have realized. This has been particularly bad lately since i haven't been getting out enough... staying in and reading, etc. Squeaky lol I would want to keep that out of the workplace maybe meet someone through a colleague or something. I don't know, or care it just has to be special and feel coincidental and surreal.

I tried 5-methoxy-dimethyltryptamine last night. 5-meo-dmt strongly encourages non-attachment, it is a very powerful psychedelic drug. It changed me, and regarding this, non-attachment as well. I am going to continue carefully experimenting with it. I have used DMT daily and a light dose of this co-naturally occurring psychedelic was harder to handle than any of that. Forced me into a deep, dark meditation that I am very much glad I didn't choose to resist. Hadn't used a psychedelic this year. This one is straight to the point - no visuals, nothing but ego loss; flowing with the cosmic stream. It was amazing. I have had it since 2010 and have been too unnerved to try it.

Yeah I don't meet women, nor do I have any money so it is frustrating. When I find work, then that should be easy and I will feel better anyway. For the summer it would be nice to have something casual but I've started isolating myself. I won't leave my place without smoking a bong rip, and making sure I can stay stoned while away - this was not the case today.

That stuff changed me. It is the pure form of a psychedelic that occurs in many different flora (not sure how many plants) and also the venom of the Colorado river toad. This is very clearly sacred stuff that has been around and used by humans for a very long time. It is something to take very seriously... I will smoke DMT any day but waited 8 years to try a light dose of this.

Strongly encourages non-attachment which is definitely beneficial. Larimar, I am too traditional for dating apps I feel, but you never know. There is a magnetism when I encounter some women it is easier to feel in person. First and foremost I need to stop smoking weed all day. Like, I really need to and it isn't even hard to do that. It can be used recreationally on occasion, and that might mean a few times a day - but no more attachment and fiending anything! Not just drugs. The middle way.

Sacred stuff, really helped me get in touch with myself in an hour and the effect today is obvious. I am fascinated by this psychoactive, because I need to destroy my attachment to the concept of love for one, before it will happen, and I need to destroy my psychological attachment to weed as well. It costs me way too much money, burns me out and hurts my lungs but in moderation it is like an extra-light less refined version of 5-meo-dmt. It can be awakening and eye opening too. Smoking too much weed becomes, like Kurt Cobain said about all habitual drug use (and that he knew this before trying heroin), eventually becomes as boring as breathing air.
 
May as well write during one of these rare times that I am not hating on myself over something.

Thank you Larimar, Painful One, Squeaky, Pokemama, Mr. Root. etc

Mr. Root et al I should get my career going first. It wouldn't be hard if I tried a lot. In the meantime it would be nice to be getting laid that would be so healthy for me if I was friends with like a girl who was home from college between semesters, or something like that. Damn that sounds like something from a nice dream. I don't know what else to say. Never really happens ever.

When I have a career with my education it really shouldn't be hard then I can maybe meet someone and have this life I envision. I have an aversion to being this isolated from people it's normal. I should be able to get laid if I wanted to, though, that is frustrating to me since I just can't. Need to be less passive I guess. I wouldn't know.

Yeah I'm addicted to weed. It keeps the hustle going though, I don't mind it. I am definitely addicted as fuck, though. Kinda sucks when my tolerance gets so high you'd think I had a coke habit. It's mostly a financial issue that can be resolved in the future. I'll never stop ripping bong. I fucking love toking that chronic. I prefer being stoned my whole life way more than not to ever quit and yeah just to keep the hustle going lol. Cause I gotta score chron and scrounge money during hard times and stuff, helps me channel that energy into something less abusive at least.
 
Just writing a little more (lol) had a second bong toke and damn.

I think that 5-methoxy-dmt has the potential to help me learn to deal with anxiety. I was forced to confront it on my way to the state of bliss later on in the trip. It not only strongly discourages attachments, but is confronting of aversions. 5-meo-dmt always has a better counter-attack until it reveals to you What's Really Up and gets you to accept it. Then there is cosmic bliss. I will experience something from it again, probably soon.

Yeah it's better to have a clean day and smoke and get wrecked like this after. My two best friends from here disappeared, btw. One iv dilaudid user, other iv coke and meth. From daily chat to nothing all year. That is messing with me too those were true brothers we used to talk every day about anything, everything. Both disappeared. Used to send birthday cards and stuff, had a train ticket to visit, wtf.

It is good I have a chance to meet someone still, at least there is that. Easily could have overdosed at this point. Fuck I'm such a little dope fiend lol. Smoked 2 bong rips and feel the need for a third, I'm so lit already couchlocked. Love smoking pot so much it is sort of silly. The dispensary messed up and I didn't see until I got home but they gave me more of a better strain, someone else's lol I paid way less for. Good luck! It's a boom strain too I've had before, hehe.
 
I am brought to tears by the honesty, love, support and truths that are apparent in the last set off posts. It s so heart warming when we can bare our souls and find non judgement.. just kind sharing of each person's experience in the hopes of offering support and compassion.
These posts... Shroomy, Squeaky, Mr. Root, Larimar... very inspiring.
Shroomy, I too deal with loneliness for a significant other. Yes, I have my grown kids, grandchildren, work colleagues, in my life. However, I have not had a serious intimate relationship in years. It is easy to see why opioids got such a hold of me... they filled the void, and even better, i didn't have to dress up for them, show up in any way other than to make sure I had a supply.
I am too emotionally fragile to even risk dipping my little toe into the dating pool. At my age, there are so many issues to deal with, that I practice acceptance around my single state, and can feel ok most times. But, it would be so lovely to have a companion to cook a nice dinner for, watch a movie with, go for a walk with. To have some deep conversations with, to share the good and bad of my daily life.
Squeaky, you are funny as hell! OMG... my dad used to say (he was obviously speaking as a male): Never dip your pen in the company ink... you took that rule and threw it away...lol... it is so nice to start my day with a smile!
Love to you all!
 
I don't have a sex drive when I use opiates, it isn't possible. Causes long term problems with testosterone, takes on average 3 months to begin to normalize. My hormones are pretty good now haha but it took like 6 months this time.
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Today I am focussing on solving problems in linear algebra with complex valued solutions. Should keep me busy and get a little money a little hustle for more weed. Fun way to make money, do other people's schoolwork. I've done ten million times worse plagiarism than this for last minute near-junkie-hysteric students willing to pay $$$ for to get their shit done overnight. That was my hustle as a junkie for a long time.
 
Sounds like a good business and you could approach one of your clients if they are hot girls :)
 
I don?t know what it is about July but it looks like I will spend this month going through benzo/subs withdrawals. At least this time I know not to try to mask the sub sickness with tramadol which resulted in a couple grand mals. Also thankful I have enough Ativan to taper down to at least 1mg, instead of jumping straight from these damn RC benzos that I legitimately need but are completely unsustainable. I?m starting to hate summer time but looking forward to a baby boy in the winter and I damn sure plan to be sober by then<3
 
FBD, what kind of RC benzos you have been taking and at what doses?

They seem to be quite awful to taper down as they are often quite powerful.
 
I had to try them all (like Pok?mon)but the past two years it’s been all clonazolam and etizolam. Thank the Lord this time it was only etizolam which was switched to diclazepam for tapering which usually works worders but I did that thing where you do a different type of drug to replace another. Meaning I was bingeing on meth to replace opioids thus causing me to take massive amounts of diclaze just to negate the side effects of the crystal. Sucks as Diclazepam is 10X better to taper off of as one dose last you all day compared to Ativan. I’m down to 3mgs of that stuff but I wake up in withdrawal by 5am and take my last dose for the day by 4pm at the latest. I’m about to drop to 2 for two weeks or so then 1 1/2 and Hope to avoid seizures after stabilizing on 1mg and jumping from there. Had a couple really bad ones last year but again I was taking both Clonazolam/Etiz and my sub intake was much higher(not to mention tramadol which I knew damn well could give me seizures but I felt it was important to get sleep...now I know better).
 
Guys I'm finally free of the oxy prison. Tapered down slowly and stopped on Friday . A few days of laying around , restless legs and being in a bad mood but today I feel better . Found out I'm 18 weeks pregnant due December 6. Just hope no lasting effects on baby . Go in 2 weeks for the anatomy and gender scan . Now hoping my husband can get off them , we will have so much more money ???. I'll prob forever miss that wonderful happy feeling the pills gave me but hope to find that happiness just in life not from a pill . Just keep at it guys you all can be free one day as well, it helped me to have a reason to quit . ? I appreciate all the advice and commradarie from you all ?
 
Awesome work, Larimar! And good for you for quitting for your developing baby. :) I'm sure there will be no lasting effects. Your baby hasn't sustained damage from opiates, as they do not cause organ damage, and won't be born addicted since you're not anymore. :)
 
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