Positive The Tapering Supportive/Social Thread

[dopiejay]

Good to hear you sounding positive. I know that feeling of being depressed and giving up. It is not a life. I was worried that you were living like that.
Sounds like we are all just looking out for eachother here

Oh I am living like that. Hopelessly depressed. I'm just taking it one day at a time. The beauty of bipolar is it does get better. It gets WAY better. It gets TOO better to the point you feel invincible. Then it goes back down again. Up and down up and down, never any stability lol FUCK I wish my brain worked right.

 

[dopiejay]

yeah, I am taking the pills exactly as she told me to. If I deviate it is because I slept an hour late or something.

Man you gotta find a professional who cares in my opinion. It would take a lot of effort. like 99% of doctors in this countries are messed in the head and have no compassion for others. They have been trained so competitively that they tend to become authoritarian.

I am working with a lovely person on this and was shocked to get what I consider a massive amount of klonopin to trust essentially a junkie with and I am being given a lot of freedom too so long as I am honest and don't fuck with the pills. It's over I have no interest in that I'm only going to further screw my life. The taper is flexible too and very long term.

Enjoy your cigars dude I just took a nice toke after passing out all afternoon. I think the klonopin will help man. If you take short acting benzos only you know how it is I think, anyways, it is up and down up and down like 3 or 4 times a day and it does indeed drive people to madness. It took 15 years in the world of drugs for me to need medical help regarding them so urgently. These benzos are fucked did you pick up the bottle when you stopped them? Cause I seen my buddy having hardcore tremors while swigging back wine like crazy rocking back and forth in etiz withdrawals.

Oh yo. How fuckin nice is it to smoke in the cold winter air? I take my bong tokes outside at like -30C and they are so smooth I can rip two or 3 times as much pot at once and it doesn't feel harsh on my lungs. Serious, one of my fave parts of winter.

I just started smoking weed again and I love running outside in just a tee shirt, having a big bong toke a running back inside lol so refreshing. Think I'm coming down with some kinda bug, having coughing fits like crazy lately and getting a sore throat. Maybe it's the weed I'm smoking again.

Yeah lack of benzos and alcoholism go hand in hand for me. I gotta have one or the other. I'm way too anxious if not. The bottle helps me sleep and relieves my anxiety really well. It rebounds bad the next day.

Clonazepam is the shit. I loved it when I was on it. I had to switch to Valium because I couldn't function on clonazepam I'd just lay in bed and fuckin sleep all day. Almost like waking up and downing a half bottle of whiskey.

 

[dopiejay]

yo as good people as we are dude, the women can only handle our bs for so long. I don't know if this applies to you but eventually they cannot accept this level of drug abuse anymore and instability. For myself, it was 5 years before she ran away. One year we were chilling in Bermuda having spiny lobster for dinner and walking the beach and just in love and these drugs have taken that from me. I am no longer on speaking terms with her and do not even know where she lives. One day, she got up and ran away. I was hooked on H and it was getting really bad and yeah like think 5 years from now maybe? If you want to get or remain married that is and not risk that for a drink. As I probably would be married to her by now if I had not been so into all this nonsense that got me nowhere in life. Asking for help because you still require it (but actually thinking it through first, the health care is totally fucked there are good people though man in every field) - that is your best bet, sooner rather than later. Don't feel fuckin hopeless man cause of this valium shit and start drinking man it's not a good idea you have a lot going for you I can tell but that alcohol will take everything. Possibly even your whole entire life and most definitely your health.

But yeah I'd listen to squeaky man on this one over anyone. Alcohol has never been my thing. Merely pointing out that what you are doing is still very dangerous in a lot of ways.

And yo watch some fuckin trailer park boys while you're having your next drink man I'm gonna today for sure baked as shit! I fuckin love weed man I can't quit fiending the stuff been trying for years. Lungs must be fucked. Fuckin amazing Canadian show though ehhh

Man, Ive seen every episode of tpb lol. I love my freedom 35 hat too wear it everywhere.

I know the alcohol is bad but it's a vice. It's easy to get and it works. My old lady doesn't like me drinking all the time but she doesn't really mind as much as you'd think. What she really hates is opioids. An addict in her life caused her a lot of misery and she is scared of opioids now.

She still supports my decision to use them as long as it doesn't become a habit/too expensive which it hasn't. Thanks for looking out bro I really appreciate it.

 

[Squeaky]

FUCK I wish my brain worked right.

I know what you mean. I have high-functioning Autism.

 

[ShroomySatori]

I know what the fuck you guys mean as well. If my fucking brain worked right I'd be a damned millionaire by now and living it up not this NIGHTMARE man. FUCK panic attacks and I never would have got them if they didn't take two fucking YEARS to start prescribing my oxycodone after my injury. I would have only needed it for a short period of time for like physio and since I was still happy and hadn't broke yet I would not have become addicted.

How much do you drink though man cause like in my mind you are drinking are liter of vodka a day or some shit and that's when it's fucking serious man. If you are drinking like a 6 pack a day fuck it man that's probably healthier than the amount of weed I smoke too and I can't the fuck quit it's my vice for life. Love it way too much to stop and it's gotta be the bong man a nice clean bong crisp morning air nothing like it.

That show is so funny man. J-roc dude that shit is too funny. Julian with his drink in hand at all times that's how I picture you cause it was filmed out east too I think lol.

Opiates are just miserable man. At least I can taper benzos like this, the klonpin even after 3 days has changed a lot. I am taking 20% less xanax and also sleeping pretty well. My interdose withdrawals are not that bad, in a couple days I am going to drop another 25% because the kpins seem to be working surprisingly well for tapering and they are not addictive. I do not see myself taking more than prescribed ever. I would blow through valium scripts in 3 days sometimes.

Yeah my mom doesn't like me smokin weed all day but so long as I'm not like wasted around them super stoned or smelling of it then it's chill. After more severe addictions I am sticking with my weed I feel like I get random cravings for other shit like coke if I don't smoke it. It's good you have support though nobody needs people giving them shit about their habits. So I made certain today about my legal rights that nobody is allowed to speak to the medical community of doctors except for me. It's just the smart thing to do I don't need anyone fucking with me and I'm paranoid as fuck all the time from the dope. Like Ricky dude serious.

 

[NIGHTMARES37]

Hello. I'm 74 hours off suboxone, this last go - and hopefully last - I've been on it seven months. I'm 37 and have been struggling with opiate addiction/polysubstance abuse my whole life. The subs have such a long half life I typically don't start to really get sick until the third day in, which is today. I'm impressed with the combination of clonodine, clonazapam and hydroxyzine. I'm actually getting some sleep and I don't feel psychotic. I've been sober for chunks of time in the past. I've done it all: AA "Big Book Thumper", 3 month inpatient, sober living, more inpatient, 4 years of suboxone, hiding in the woods, ibogaine in Mexico, 10 day silent vipassana retreats, ayahuasca ceremonies, lots of other drugs. I'm pretty much fortunate to be alive and think I just finally got to a point where I recognize that. I want to be present for life, all of it, not just the drug oblivion. Not having a father growing up emotionally mangled me, when I started getting high at 13 it was the greatest relief I've ever had - we all know how that story ends. So fuck, here I am, I'm doing it. It's nice to be able to see my pupils again. I'm writing a book about my twenty years of experience in various drug countercultures. Hope nobody has to be too sick today.

 

[EPL1]

You're awesome 37!!!

I wish you nothing but luck and success with your quit.

We will all be here for you, so if you need anything just ask.

Your book sounds very interesting too.

Proud of you, you got this!!

Hugs,
your friend,
Ash.

Hello. I'm 74 hours off suboxone, this last go - and hopefully last - I've been on it seven months. I'm 37 and have been struggling with opiate addiction/polysubstance abuse my whole life. The subs have such a long half life I typically don't start to really get sick until the third day in, which is today. I'm impressed with the combination of clonodine, clonazapam and hydroxyzine. I'm actually getting some sleep and I don't feel psychotic. I've been sober for chunks of time in the past. I've done it all: AA "Big Book Thumper", 3 month inpatient, sober living, more inpatient, 4 years of suboxone, hiding in the woods, ibogaine in Mexico, 10 day silent vipassana retreats, ayahuasca ceremonies, lots of other drugs. I'm pretty much fortunate to be alive and think I just finally got to a point where I recognize that. I want to be present for life, all of it, not just the drug oblivion. Not having a father growing up emotionally mangled me, when I started getting high at 13 it was the greatest relief I've ever had - we all know how that story ends. So fuck, here I am, I'm doing it. It's nice to be able to see my pupils again. I'm writing a book about my twenty years of experience in various drug countercultures. Hope nobody has to be too sick today.

 

[Xorkoth]

Wow Nightmare, you have a great outlook. I was addicted to opiates for 10 years and I tried everything but ibogaine actually did it for me, that was 5 years ago. But basically that was the change in mindset the experience net resulted in. I still had some withdrawals that came back (I had already been withdrawing a week before I took it though) but I didn't care anymore, dealing with them was easily a price worth paying for being able to fully live again. Where before I never thought that way. Just keep your confidence in your decision, I think you got this.

 

[dopiejay]

I know what the fuck you guys mean as well. If my fucking brain worked right I'd be a damned millionaire by now and living it up not this NIGHTMARE man. FUCK panic attacks and I never would have got them if they didn't take two fucking YEARS to start prescribing my oxycodone after my injury. I would have only needed it for a short period of time for like physio and since I was still happy and hadn't broke yet I would not have become addicted.

How much do you drink though man cause like in my mind you are drinking are liter of vodka a day or some shit and that's when it's fucking serious man. If you are drinking like a 6 pack a day fuck it man that's probably healthier than the amount of weed I smoke too and I can't the fuck quit it's my vice for life. Love it way too much to stop and it's gotta be the bong man a nice clean bong crisp morning air nothing like it.

That show is so funny man. J-roc dude that shit is too funny. Julian with his drink in hand at all times that's how I picture you cause it was filmed out east too I think lol.

Opiates are just miserable man. At least I can taper benzos like this, the klonpin even after 3 days has changed a lot. I am taking 20% less xanax and also sleeping pretty well. My interdose withdrawals are not that bad, in a couple days I am going to drop another 25% because the kpins seem to be working surprisingly well for tapering and they are not addictive. I do not see myself taking more than prescribed ever. I would blow through valium scripts in 3 days sometimes.

Yeah my mom doesn't like me smokin weed all day but so long as I'm not like wasted around them super stoned or smelling of it then it's chill. After more severe addictions I am sticking with my weed I feel like I get random cravings for other shit like coke if I don't smoke it. It's good you have support though nobody needs people giving them shit about their habits. So I made certain today about my legal rights that nobody is allowed to speak to the medical community of doctors except for me. It's just the smart thing to do I don't need anyone fucking with me and I'm paranoid as fuck all the time from the dope. Like Ricky dude serious.

Tpb was filmed in either NB or NS and it's hilarious because all the people from the more rural areas out that way are just like the show.

I've cut back my drinking now I only drink At most a 26er of gin a night. I had times where I was drinking way more than that in a day. Like half a 60 of whiskey and 4 or 5 40s of olde English 800 a night. Now it's just however much gin I need to get me to sleep. It varies a bit every night. I drink a lot on weekends when i don't have to get up in the morning though. Last Friday night I had like 12 beers and a 26er of gin and could've kept on going, just decided to call it off early.

Yeah dude Benzos are really hard on the head. What I need is an opioid prescription for my back and the drinking will vanish overnight. I personally really like the new oxyneos contrary to popular opinion. They last soooo long u don't need to worry about redosing.

I say free the market. Let the people do wtf they want. If the government was doing half a good job everyone wouldn't be be miserable and addicted anyway.

 

[Xorkoth]

Yeah I think a lot of addiction these days has a lot to do with the sense of hopelessness and apathy that so many people feel.

 

[dopiejay]

Hello. I'm 74 hours off suboxone, this last go - and hopefully last - I've been on it seven months. I'm 37 and have been struggling with opiate addiction/polysubstance abuse my whole life. The subs have such a long half life I typically don't start to really get sick until the third day in, which is today. I'm impressed with the combination of clonodine, clonazapam and hydroxyzine. I'm actually getting some sleep and I don't feel psychotic. I've been sober for chunks of time in the past. I've done it all: AA "Big Book Thumper", 3 month inpatient, sober living, more inpatient, 4 years of suboxone, hiding in the woods, ibogaine in Mexico, 10 day silent vipassana retreats, ayahuasca ceremonies, lots of other drugs. I'm pretty much fortunate to be alive and think I just finally got to a point where I recognize that. I want to be present for life, all of it, not just the drug oblivion. Not having a father growing up emotionally mangled me, when I started getting high at 13 it was the greatest relief I've ever had - we all know how that story ends. So fuck, here I am, I'm doing it. It's nice to be able to see my pupils again. I'm writing a book about my twenty years of experience in various drug countercultures. Hope nobody has to be too sick today.

What I find worse than anything is the psychological torture which goes on forever after. Long after the physical withdrawals have gone away. Opioids stick with you like crazy it's like it's always nagging at you. It's the goddamn boredom and thinking "I wouldn't be bored if I had a bag of heroin".

 

[Painful One]

Hey there interesting post. You have been through a lot. That is great about the suboxone. In hindsight I wish I had done that over cold turkey.

How is the clonidine? I've been recommended it for benzo withdrawal to keep my heart from racing. I can't get it quite yet as I am adjusting to a benzo taper and can't switch a bunch of meds at once. Is it worth it do you think to try, I don't know much about it? I know it's used a lot for opiate wd's but I think for the same reason maybe, blood pressure. I was thinking of asking my doctor about beta blockers too as a lot of my anxiety is centred around my heart and there isn't anything wrong with it but it feels like there very much is.

I just got prescribed something similar to hydroxizine too. The clonazepam is helping so damn much for me. I'm not at the point where I am stable on it yet there are still ups and downs kind of but it is just my third day on it and I am already dropping my dose pretty comfortably. Seems like we are getting on similar drugs, for different withdrawals. You probably have a smart doctor too. Best of luck. I want to write a book too! Not sure about what yet.

Oh btw Painful One is quite sick today if I am not mistaken she is quite ill like too much to type I think, so yeah let us hope she feels better soon.

Nah I'm not that sick. No worries guys.
I'm not great or anything but I still have a little left and a little is much better than nothing!
I managed to not run myself totally out.
I go to the doc tomorrow afternoon. I will be cutting it close but I can do it.

Yuck though. I hate feeling this way. I get so irritable. I am also having p.M.S. So....you know.

 

[Painful One]

Panic attack. FUCK. FUCK. ITS ALL MY FUCKING HEART. Out of fucking NOWHERE. FUCK THIS LIFE FUCKING WATCHING MY POTENTIAL FUCKIN EVAPORATE.

You okay?
Just breathe through it.
This is normal for tapering benzo' s like you are.
You are doing good.

It will pass. Just hold.
Those will decrease quickly.
Hang in there.

 

[ShroomySatori]

The panic is starting again. These short acting benzos are fuckin abominations.

 

[NIGHTMARES37]

Thank you! I'm moving along. Starting to feel emotions again. Four whole days 7am tomorrow.

 

[NIGHTMARES37]

I'm actually quite impressed with the clonodine - it does lower blood pressure - it seems to keep the restless legs at bay, totally manage able. It even lets me sleep for 3 or 4 hours at a time. I'm on day 4 now, when is when things usually start to get rough for a sub detox, but it's looking like I tapered down enough, have the right meds and most of all, a positive mainframe and safe place away from drugs. Knock on wood. I know I'm not going to be out of the woods for a good month and then a lifetime of PAWS, I'm just done though. I've had older junkie friends that got clean after countless treatment options and they say, "Something just clicked one day, and I stopped, I can't put my finger on it." I'm feeling like I've survived enough I've just gotten to be done fighting my demons, they can just do their thing.

 

[NIGHTMARES37]

Totally. I knew what heroin did and that it seems to have a possessive nature that is near impossible to come back from. I was so fed up at one point the trade off seemed worth it - absolute pain relief - for your body, mind, soul, teeth, belongings, dignity. The shit takes everything, but depending on your viewpoint, trauma and headspace, it's a good deal. My old friend Adam who died of an overdose used to say "Give me death", half kidding - but not. So much pain. So much beauty.

 

[NIGHTMARES37]

Totally. I've gotten to a place where I'm more skilled at suffering. Vipassana meditation really helps me, just look at my breath and what is real right now. But yeah, I'm in for some PAWS. Probably do some psilocybin in a few weeks to clean out cobwebs. peace

 

[ShroomySatori]

Yeah good luck, I'd take DMT over shrooms in detox. It is much less stressful on the body since of the 15 minute duration and you will already be stressed. I hit that stuff as soon as like day 5 in H withdrawal and continued to do so daily for a month it really helped at the time but I wasn't ready to quit drugs.

I still have PAWS over a year later from CT H but I am beginning to realize I am lucky to be alive even in this moment and I might not be next week. It's a shame it took so long to realize that I would like to have a life. Before, it was pretty much a 10 year plan to kill myself (so I may as well do some drugs in the meantime...) and that year is this year. Things are not looking good I do this shit to myself I wanted it and be careful what you wish for.

I got into the health care system way too late. I should have been talking to them about this 5 to 6 years ago or even longer. I procrastinate everything to the very last minute, even if it is life threatening. I wait until I lose every last thing in my life and can't get out of bed even to get my fix before I quit H. By the way, I have not had one craving since I quit that was serious enough I considered using.

I think it is because the cold turkey method made me suffer so much. I don't know much about subs I tried them from a friend and they made me puke. Only opioid that ever made me vomit ever. I never did from H once it worked so damn well for me. But I know I can't go back because it doesn't work long term. It worked back then. Not anymore. Same with the benzos.

I got addicted to both at the same time and completely fucked over by both at the same time (5 to 6 years later). Heroin and xanax.

All I have to do is properly communicate to my doctor now, be honest, and stick to my taper. I think I had such a severe panic attack yesterday due to coffee. I drink a lot of strong coffee like 10 a day pretty much self medicating depression. Then I stopped abruptly in benzo wd, had one a week later and I think it shocked me with anxiety all day yesterday. My sister is like that she fears caffeine so I have to watch what teas I get her. It's probably genetic and should avoid caffeine.

I really should have tapered with methadone. I wouldn't have suffered. I put all of this off until I absolutely had to. I just think that if you cold turkey H, that seems to be when people get post-acute withdrawals by far the worst. My friends who quit using suboxone seemed to be doing great at 9 months off them. However the sheer amount of H and for so long like I don't mean to say it like that but it's true and with the benzos it is even worse.

What happened to my life? I used to have a life. It was a really good one, I was actually happy to get up in the morning. Sometimes I would be tired like normal people but I always smoked pot and had a good day. I'm not really idealizing this, I had serious problems back then that I was ignoring and self medicating as well. However, it was a life. I had several social circles, work, school, health, smarts, I had it all. I fucking ruined my life.

 

[EPL1]

You'll be ok Shroom.

Stay away from the caffeine from now on. I am so glad you have a good Dr. helping you taper.

You can do this, here if you need anything.

Hugs,
Ash.