I've had these thoughts hit me rather often lately. They are typically triggered by one thing or another.
When I'm washing my leg in the shower I notice that fat vein running along the top of my foot. When I brush my teeth I see that fucker popping out on the outside of my forearm. The phone rings and its someone from the recent past who is high as shit.
I was at a meeting last night and I wanted to share about how I let these frequent triggers affect me.
There is a little kitchen at the spot where the meeting is and I noticed that this kitchen had the same exact tile floor as I my place in Colorado. For some reason I stared at that fucking floor last night and the image of dried little blood droplets on my Colorado kitchen's floor popped into my head. I had forgotten about those little perfect circles on my floor. I then remembered the dried blood drops on my first apartments kitchen floor when I first moved back to Pennsylvania.
These images were attractive to me. I had forgotten about them.
I wasn't called on to share from the floor but as the meeting was coming to an end, one of the folks in the room grabbed one of those Swiffer WetJets and proceeded to clean the floor in that little kitchen at the meeting.
It was refreshing to see. Yeah, it sounds ridiculous but that floor (all the floors of my past) needn't be a beautifully sad, self-indulgent memory to me.
They are clean now, as am I.
I'm learning that if I keep an open-mind. I can find the answers to my challenges by applying effort and, if that isn't enough, simply observe the occurrences around me.
The answers are there. I just need to be able to see and accept them.
When I'm washing my leg in the shower I notice that fat vein running along the top of my foot. When I brush my teeth I see that fucker popping out on the outside of my forearm. The phone rings and its someone from the recent past who is high as shit.
I was at a meeting last night and I wanted to share about how I let these frequent triggers affect me.
There is a little kitchen at the spot where the meeting is and I noticed that this kitchen had the same exact tile floor as I my place in Colorado. For some reason I stared at that fucking floor last night and the image of dried little blood droplets on my Colorado kitchen's floor popped into my head. I had forgotten about those little perfect circles on my floor. I then remembered the dried blood drops on my first apartments kitchen floor when I first moved back to Pennsylvania.
These images were attractive to me. I had forgotten about them.
I wasn't called on to share from the floor but as the meeting was coming to an end, one of the folks in the room grabbed one of those Swiffer WetJets and proceeded to clean the floor in that little kitchen at the meeting.
It was refreshing to see. Yeah, it sounds ridiculous but that floor (all the floors of my past) needn't be a beautifully sad, self-indulgent memory to me.
They are clean now, as am I.
I'm learning that if I keep an open-mind. I can find the answers to my challenges by applying effort and, if that isn't enough, simply observe the occurrences around me.
The answers are there. I just need to be able to see and accept them.
