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TDS The Suicide Support Thread

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Zeus60000 said:
The mental health care system sucks here. I had psychiatrists come to my house and evaluate me for 2 hours. They told me I have multiple mental illnes and don't fit the spot for one so they just told me I have borderline personality disorder (a trait of all mental illnesses) and ever since then telling them I wanted to end my life etc, they said I don't fit the critica for them to help me? So they sent a report to my doctor and that's it nothing has happened and it's been months and I've tried going back. Shit one of my doctors tried to get me to Bribe him so that he would "care more" (think he was oissed off cause in American and American doctors get paid wedge) idk if he was serious or being sarcastic thought but ether way that is not something a doctor should say especially when I'm suicidal
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If that is true isn't that doctor breaking the Hippocratic Oath? I feel like you should make someone aware of what that doctor is doing, whether it be a lawyer for you or some other medical authority.

source: http://www.brown.edu/Courses/BI_278/Other/Clerkship/Didactics/Readings/ETHICS AND THE DOCTOR.pdf
 
I'm so tired of hurting. And now I'm afraid of hurting someone else. Right now I feel like giving up.
 
I'm just so bored, and that sounds pathetic, but I'm happy to wait it out until my grandma dies, cause I don't want to hurt her. And then I might as well kill myself, because there isn't much point in doing anything else is there? There isn't any point to anything and it isn't even fun.
Am I the only one who feels like that? I don't have the whole loss of hope lack of self-esteem thing going on, so my therapist doesn't care (even after two attempts) am I doing this wrong? Am I making it up?
 
I think you are probably describing something deeper than just boredom. It sounds like one of the most profound things we humans deal with (at least those of us paying attention) and that is an existential crisis. When we come to see that life has absolutely no meaning other than what we create it can be disturbing to say the least. Couple that with a lack of motivation due to depression and you have an even deeper hole to crawl out of. How do you even get up the motivation to create meaning when all of life appears lackluster and unexciting?

I think one of the first steps is to try to concentrate on reversing fatalism in your thinking. We are bottle fed a lot of damaging messages and if you are young this can be a very sketchy time. Advertising has told us our lives should look a certain way--down to the very last happy detail at any given age. Expectations and reality can cause such horrendous cognitive dissonance that people lose any insight into their own natures and desires. Could this be a problem?
 
Hi all,

I've been an IV heroin addict for ten years. I recently went to rehab for the first time in early November, I moved back in with my parents after two weeks of that, and I'm currently trying to build a lifestyle clean of heroin (I won't turn down alcohol or marijuana, though).

The easiest way to get clean is a suboxone detox. I was ready to get all opiates out of my system. This can be done at home. What they did at my rehab (Hazelden) was start me at 16 mg for two days, and step down 2mg every two days, so it looked like 16-16-14-14-12-12...etc. This worked for me. When you come off the suboxone it's nice to have some clonidine or a benzodiazepine handy to take the edge off. This is the easy way.

That being said, doing this will easily take care of the physical addiction, and mine was as bad as anybody's, I'm sure. The truth is, the psychological addiction, and associated problems, is much more persistent and difficult to handle. I've relapsed several times since I've been home on November 29th. I'm not physically addicted, but there's a switch in my brain that I can't seem to control. Honestly, if you choose to pursue those thoughts, nothing is going to be able to distract you from them. This is where your will, your desire to be clean comes in. This is something I'm still struggling with. Exercising, going to AA, reading...whatever you like to do...all of this helps, but in the end you are going to have to want to be clean more than you want to be high. That's it. Post acute withdrawal syndrome - a lack of energy, enthusiasm, or joy in life, makes this that much harder. We are used to the path of least resistance - buy some heroin, and everything will be fine. Of course this is NOT true, but it will take time for your brain to get back to a normal system of pleasure-rewards. I have friends who have been clean on heroin who say this can take between a few months to a year. So, just do it, push it through, each and every day. Look at the alternative. Giving up. I believe we (drug addicts) are stronger and better than that.
 
Recovery is hardest when you get deep into your own vulnerabilities just like you say. It is always worth remembering that the process of recovery is really the process of creating a healthy life. We all want the easy way. We all doubt ourselves and our capabilities. Recovery calls on so many good life skills that many people without addictions never get to develop: introspection, positive self-talk and brain retraining, discipline, acceptance, self-compassion.
 
That's a perfect description.

At the end I suppose some of us end up creating a totally new life. It takes sometime to get used to it but once you do everything becomes a bit easier. Tough path indeed but totally worthy. Never give up no matter what.
 
Erikmen said:
That's a perfect description.

At the end I suppose some of us end up creating a totally new life. It takes sometime to get used to it but once you do everything becomes a bit easier. Tough path indeed but totally worthy. Never give up no matter what
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That's the spirit!!! :)
 
I've been through two years of the psychiatric merry go round. Medication made me worse. Therapy had no effect. I now self medicate with alcohol,benzodiazepines and opiates. This just adds to the self loathing and lack of self esteem and confidence. In the space of these two years I have lost everything. I had my own business a beautiful wife and kids and in general life was good. Then came the insomnia that became so unbearable I resorted to seeing a G.P. who after a five minute consultation prescribed me trazadone. This had no effect on my insomnia so the dose was doubled at which point I became suicidal which led to another visit to the doctor who raised the dose again...two days later I was sectioned and taken off trazodone and my thoughts started to return to normal. It was all too late though as I had already sold my business for a ridiculous price and as supportive as my wife was she couldn't handle the depression that losing our business in such a manner caused me. Things spiralled out of control and our marriage was over. Now I am left with nothing but dark thoughts and regrets and a lot of the time suicide seems to be a reasonable solution. I would of never thought things like this could actually happen two years ago but here I am now broke lonely and self destructive.
 
Trazodont, you have really suffered two horrible years. When you feel the worst remember that the only rule about life is that everything changes. These feelings you have will eventually pass, it might feel as they wont but they will. The difficult part is staying with it until they do. Your mind is not being honest with you, you have great value. The dark thoughts will pass. Try laying down, close your eyes and look at the thoughts you are having without judgement of good/bad. Thoughts just are, our mind bombards us with them. The thoughts are not the truth. Eventually you will feel better and as you do the thoughts will calm down, I promise you. You need to get off your self-medication. I also think you should call your psychiatric clinic and ask for help, maybe you need some medication to help you through the acute phase you're in, also recieve help tapering your self-medication - they are stopping you from leaving this state that you are in. They might initially help but after a while they become a negative spiral of needs. I repeat: This will pass.

Much love //Rebel
 
Unfortunately I've tried prescription medications and they have either had no effect or made things worse. I'm just stuck in this place hoping for a miracle.
 
Trazodon't said:
Unfortunately I've tried prescription medications and they have either had no effect or made things worse. I'm just stuck in this place hoping for a miracle.
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Yes it can be really difficult to find the right kind of medication, been there too. Besides medications I'm sure there's counselling, it's always good to be able to voice what's bothering you and get feedback. Asking for help can be difficult, at least it was for me. When I've been at my worst I have been admitted to the psychiatric ward - before I could do something I wouldn't be able to undo. Done it willingly but most times I have been sectioned, in retrospect I can see that it was the correct decision made by the doctors. I do think you should turn to the psychiatric clinic, maybe give them a call tomorrow and explain your situation and at least get some advice of what to do.
 
That's my sticking point right there. I should of been hospitalised before I did something life changing that couldn't be undone. I feel let down by the people closest to me. I've been through various psychiatrists and therapists but still haven't made any real progress. I just constantly grieve for the life I had before all this madness started. Thanks for your encouragement and advice. I appreciate any advice I get.
 
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