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The Suicide Support Thread

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Dealing with an advanced case of degenerative disc disease for the past 12 years. Surgery is not an option tried every injection stimulator and pills. I decided that I can't live on drugs I can't control it. I have been 100% clean for 14 days and my pain stops me from doing anything that I feel has value. I try to see what's good but it does nothing for me. I can't go watch my sons game play with them so what's the point. Yes I'm in their life but because of my anger and pain I'm not good for them. I think about leaving the world everyday. Yes I'm on meds for depression
 
I have no control I had my wife take it and give it to me when needed but I would find it. The more I do the less pain I have and I can feel like a man with value.
 
I don't know how much longer I can hold on for, I have no quality of life anymore thanks to CRPS and numerous mental health disorders. Every night I pray for death, I know my life will be shortened due to the crps I just wish it would hurry up and end it already
 
Complex regional pain syndrome. Leaves me bed bound most of the time and if I'm not in bed I have to use a wheelchair as I can no longer weight bare. It's the most painful chronic pain condition there is, there is no cure, it gets worse as time goes on
 
Badback10 said:
Dealing with an advanced case of degenerative disc disease for the past 12 years. Surgery is not an option tried every injection stimulator and pills. I decided that I can't live on drugs I can't control it. I have been 100% clean for 14 days and my pain stops me from doing anything that I feel has value. I try to see what's good but it does nothing for me. I can't go watch my sons game play with them so what's the point. Yes I'm in their life but because of my anger and pain I'm not good for them. I think about leaving the world everyday. Yes I'm on meds for depression
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I am so sorry to hear about your pain <3
 
better today think the walk in the sun and grass cutting helped a little that and remembering just how much charlie relies on me for everything
 
^isn't it amazing what can sometimes transport you outside of yourself? Sun, grass, animals. Glad it worked for you today.<3
 
thanks you two got to go out again tomorrow but it will be a different matter with that its into malton for counselling and i hate town to many people and now to many old faces that i wish not to see or see me
 
Doomed2pain said:
Complex regional pain syndrome. Leaves me bed bound most of the time and if I'm not in bed I have to use a wheelchair as I can no longer weight bare. It's the most painful chronic pain condition there is, there is no cure, it gets worse as time goes on
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Christ that's horrid i am so sorry doomed2pain
 
How are you feeling today foolsgold? Is your name derived from the stone roses song?
 
the very song yes i knew the band at the time you see that's why you know Ian ask how you doing on the full length one its meant to be to me :)

a lot better today i felt a bit manic and didn't want to get up this morning but had to walk 4 miles in the sun then cut the grass made a curry and everything's a little brighter tonight

and thank you for asking cant get my head round what you most be going through at the minute
 
sorry for coming back after so long and disrupting the peace but I got out of cps and I am living with some friends... but a little while ago i went in the bathroom and found every razor and cut myself, am I worthless for thinking that its ok to do that because razors are meant for skin? please, I need help how do I handle this pain?
 
sadkid said:
sorry for coming back after so long and disrupting the peace but I got out of cps and I am living with some friends... but a little while ago i went in the bathroom and found every razor and cut myself, am I worthless for thinking that its ok to do that because razors are meant for skin? please, I need help how do I handle this pain?
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Please be careful to avoid infection; make sure to clean the wounds out as time goes on.

You're not worthless.
 
I feel so bad. It doesn't really matter what words I use - what keys I hit.

My mum makes me feel sooo fucking bad by treating me nicely.
I feel so undeserving, unworthy and inadequate. I feel like nothing, empty and lacking and broken and ruined, just fucked.
I feel so tired, so drained and weak and powerless and disgusted. Overwhelmed, yet underwhelmed.
It's not enough, I need more; It's too much, I can't handle this.

I'm so sensitive and so apathetic. I'm trying my best to hold onto my cares but I just want to disregard them.

I'm conflicted and dissonant and confused and uncertain, and certainty is created.


I think about the pain my death would cause,
then I think about the pain I'm in..
I feel trapped. I hate all this obligation.

I feel like I exist solely to suffer.


I don't want to die I'm just sad and lonely and I don't have it in me anymore..
but I'll find it somewhere.


Every time I pass my limit/reach my end/am completely overwhlemed/fed up, it passes and I end up right back here soon enough.


I'm just so sick of all this hurt.
I feel so fucking trapped, helpless and hopeless and powerless and doomed



I don't even know what I'm doing.


This is undignified. I am indignant. I have no dignity.
Death feels dignified.
 
I'm so up and down at the minute. I feel like I'm at the bottom of a well of sadness that I cannot escape from and it hurts so bad. Got some great support off some bluelighters of which I'm so greatful.
 
Doomed2pain said:
I'm so up and down at the minute. I feel like I'm at the bottom of a well of sadness that I cannot escape from and it hurts so bad. Got some great support off some bluelighters of which I'm so greatful.
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I know that falling down a well feeling, it's the way I've often described my descents into depression. Looking back many years I had more minor episodes and just allowed myself to fall confident I would it the bottom look up and climb out. Then things got worse and I just didnt bottom out, and then I couldnt see any light and felt totally lost.

I've managed to avoid getting that far down since but it's a constant fight and has now just become the way I am, I think it's made me more humble and able to relate better to others with similar issues so it's not all bad.

I didnt realise you were in a wheelchair D2P, I was in one for 3 months after a motorcycle accident and I'm just about to buy one to use whilst they have another go at fixing my leg. The inability to exercise or even walk my dog doesnt help my mood and the relentless pain isnt easy to deal with.

Reading your posts makes me be thankful for what I do have in terms of health, you seem to be striving to make the best of it, much respect <3
 
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