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The Suicide Support Thread

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aussie101 said:
Thanks. Its not an easy journey thats for sure...I have spent many a year on suboxone. And methadone. They sure do stop withdrawals and can give the life back to any opiate fiend. However I am studying engineering (last year now) and those aids slow me down too much - picture trying to do a 30 minute quiz on advanced calculus while buzzing on suboxone/methadone....Not easy! I was not at my full potential. That has been the driving force to get clean and complete my final year of Uni.

I recently found this site and started using some of the supplements on there and boy-o-boy how they have helped.
<http://www.restoreunity.org/brain_regeneration_in_heroin_addiction.htm>

And you are right i feel like a teenager again re the testosterone levels. And music, what can I say, it is the best distracter from what goes on upstairs in your head - I prefer dancing around the house to anything that sounds good to thinking about why i am feeling like using again....
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Have you thought about tapering down? I have no experience using methadone, but on Suboxone, the higher dosages tend to be very sedating, but the lower dosages tend to be more stimulating. At any dosage of Suboxone with me, I'll have no withdrawal symptoms, so I usually prefer to get somewhat stimulating effects from the lower dosage so I can be more productive.

Either way, best of luck with studying engineering! It's a rewarding career path. :)

And yes I'm also one of those people who always has music going 99% of the time. %) It helps, a lot.
 
I have these thoughts and they've never really gone away...They've subsided for periods of time but always find a way to come back. I don't even have much of a reason for them either. I'm not an addict fortunately, I don't even smoke weed anymore, only drink occasionally. I guess I've had depression for quite a long time and never gotten any help for it. But at the same time I can't without ruining my chances for a future...I guess you could say I have a bright future, I'm suppose to go into the military, but recently I went up to get enlisted and got denied because I had a recent arrest for a bar fight, while they didn't exactly say no the man I talked to told me to come back in 30 days and we will talk again. But I don't see much of a point to life. I'm not stupid or anything, I sometimes have decent social skills but lately these thoughts just won't leave and it's on my mind every day. I guess you could say I've attempted it before, I read up that benzos + alcohol is a dangerous combination and took quite a good amount of benzos and drank a bit hoping to not wake up...Of course I just woke up after a very long sleep and was out of it for the next 24 hours. That's what I get for a half assed attempt I get. Anyways, I'm new here. Nice to meet all of you.
 
I'm sure you have a very bright future no matter what your future holds in store for you.

You can go see a therapist and get help that way, and no one would know you would be seeing a therapist other than you and the therapist. :) Just an idea.
 
I don't have much money to my name, nor do I have any insurance. I've thought about it a few times but I don't exactly have the balls to. I guess that's why I registered on this site.
 
Yllear said:
I don't have much money to my name, nor do I have any insurance. I've thought about it a few times but I don't exactly have the balls to. I guess that's why I registered on this site.
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Are you a college student? When I went to college, there was a program that the University ran where the students could see a therapist for free, on a 1 on 1 basis, and they also had group therapy (I recommend 1 on 1).

Do you have any close friends in your life that you could talk to about what's going on in your life?
 
I do not go to college. And I don't really have any friends, let alone anyone to talk to about it. I moved away not too long ago to focus on the physical aspect of what is suppose to be my military future, and although I still talk to some people I can't really talk to people. The last person I talked to about my problems was my girlfriend, who ended up leaving me because my she couldn't deal with me and how fucked up I am because of these problems I would try to talk to her about. I guess you could say I have some serious trust issues now.
 
I think that the biggest barrier to trusting others is having no trust in yourself. I know it sounds simplistic but if you can learn to trust your own thoughts, feelings, behavior etc, you'll find trusting others is much easier and just flows naturally.

When you say you moved away to deal with the physical aspect of a military future, what do you mean? Are you trying to get in top physical shape? I ask this because I was going to recommend exercise as one of the best treatments for depression but maybe you are already doing this?

Suicidal ideation, especially when it is persistent, is not anything to take lightly. Call your local social services and see if they have any free or low cost counseling available. I think you would really benefit from being able to get an outside perspective on your life and your feelings about it.

BTW, welcome, and I hope you find lots of support here.<3
 
Yllear said:
I do not go to college. And I don't really have any friends, let alone anyone to talk to about it. I moved away not too long ago to focus on the physical aspect of what is suppose to be my military future, and although I still talk to some people I can't really talk to people. The last person I talked to about my problems was my girlfriend, who ended up leaving me because my she couldn't deal with me and how fucked up I am because of these problems I would try to talk to her about. I guess you could say I have some serious trust issues now.
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You can always PM me if you want to. :)

I'm sorry to hear about your girlfriend leaving you, but trust me, people come and go in life, and there will be more girls in your life in the future.
 
herbavore said:
I think that the biggest barrier to trusting others is having no trust in yourself. I know it sounds simplistic but if you can learn to trust your own thoughts, feelings, behavior etc, you'll find trusting others is much easier and just flows naturally.

When you say you moved away to deal with the physical aspect of a military future, what do you mean? Are you trying to get in top physical shape? I ask this because I was going to recommend exercise as one of the best treatments for depression but maybe you are already doing this?

Suicidal ideation, especially when it is persistent, is not anything to take lightly. Call your local social services and see if they have any free or low cost counseling available. I think you would really benefit from being able to get an outside perspective on your life and your feelings about it.

BTW, welcome, and I hope you find lots of support here.<3
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The trust part, I'd like to think I do trust myself. I just really I think it is not very easy to open up to anyone about my issues after what happened the last time I did. I'm more than sure I will one day, with the right people.

Yes, I moved away to live with some family and have a family member help me get into the shape needed, truthfully top physical shape is exactly what is needed, haha. I'm aiming quite large in the military, even though I fall off my workouts time to time because of my thoughts. When I do work out, run, and swim it is great. I love it. I had never ran any distance before, and after a bit of time I have ran a 6 minute mile and some serious distance without stopping (thank you genetics). I just blame the recent snow up for keeping me from running...Running is a blessing to me and I apologize for seeming quite down on myself...I just need to get out and run tomorrow. That will do it.

Truthfully, I don't know why but I've always been scared of getting help. I wish I wasn't

Thank you for the replies...It is a lot easier to post my problems online sometimes, where no one knows me...
 
@Captain.Heroin
Thank you, I will probably take that offer at some point. Just a heads up. I think a big reason I get down so often is because I use to constantly be with people, or doing drugs of some sort. And now that I'm going into the military I can't really do anything (*sigh*) and because I moved away I haven't really made any friends because...well I don't go to class and I don't really know how one is suppose to make friends in a place new to you.
 
Captain.Heroin said:
Have you thought about tapering down? I have no experience using methadone, but on Suboxone, the higher dosages tend to be very sedating, but the lower dosages tend to be more stimulating. At any dosage of Suboxone with me, I'll have no withdrawal symptoms, so I usually prefer to get somewhat stimulating effects from the lower dosage so I can be more productive.

Either way, best of luck with studying engineering! It's a rewarding career path. :)

And yes I'm also one of those people who always has music going 99% of the time. %) It helps, a lot.
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I don't need to taper, I'm off it.... I have done all types of taper and I would have to say switching to a short acting full agonist (until the methadone/suboxone is out of your system) and then doing a quick bupe taper (and i mean like 2 days - bupe stays in your system longer anyway) combined with benzos, clonidine, gabapentin, vitamins etc was the least harsh/easiest way to get clean - for me any way. I was going to use ibogaine but it would've taken forever for it to arrive in the mail....

I can relate that the lower doses of suboxone were more stimulating, i used to rack up little lines when I was on like 2-4mg a day and then go to classes....Then strips came along 8)

And I will need all the luck i can get, cheers :)
 
Yllear said:
@Captain.Heroin
Thank you, I will probably take that offer at some point. Just a heads up. I think a big reason I get down so often is because I use to constantly be with people, or doing drugs of some sort. And now that I'm going into the military I can't really do anything (*sigh*) and because I moved away I haven't really made any friends because...well I don't go to class and I don't really know how one is suppose to make friends in a place new to you.
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It can be hard to make new friends with people, especially when you're looking for quality people and not sheer quantity.

Connecting with others on your favorite hobbies or past times is a good start. Sometimes you can make great friends who like the same kind of music you do.

Just talk to people and be friendly and be happy, relax, and eventually you'll be making new friends. :)

It might be easier for me to make friends because I live in a city full of people, and I also have a job where I am surrounded by like-minded coworkers. But no matter where you are in life, you can always make friends.
 
so i'm not gonna be able to make it 4 months without getting high but i'm gonna drastically reduce my use so my tolerance goes down and i can use my medication more reasonably
 
since i did bupe 2 nights ago i ended up doing 4 shots of oxy today totaling 1.5 grams i way over did it but i'm not all that high so i'm gonna wait at least a week before i do any more
 
yep i know that feeling! Over doing the oxys and not getting high enough. That actually helped with my motivation to not do them at all coz if they were not getting me high then why put another hole in my arm - I mean I have enough scare tissue on my arm already i dont need any more... You can do that? Like go for a week without it? For me its either I am clean of opiates or all out on them nearly killing myself each time i use
 
mrflowers00 said:
since i did bupe 2 nights ago i ended up doing 4 shots of oxy today totaling 1.5 grams i way over did it but i'm not all that high so i'm gonna wait at least a week before i do any more
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^ those dosages could kill non-tolerant users, so it will be good for you to get a break in.

As always, be careful and take care Mr. Flowers. Your plan to cut back is definitely a good one, I'm trying to cut back on my Suboxone this month.
 
mrflowers00 said:
good luck cpt H
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^ thanks!

I've been finding it really hard to cut back, there''s been a lot stressing me out, and I am having anxiety/panic from the things going on in my life at the moment.

However I am taking good care of myself, and I have a job, and I have a plan for tapering lower. So I think in about 2-3 months I should have gotten to a much better point with all of this.
 
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