The STARTING OVER check list....

[indicameds]

As a ex-con, convicted felon, parolee and recovering addict that has struggled though many relapses (including heart attacks, strokes, 9 over doses one as recent as two weeks ago.) I know that having a plan is important. Every times Ive kept any amount of clean time under my belt or managed to stay out of prison for any length of time I had always had some sort of plan of positive things I wanted out of life and checked them off as I accomplished them. It not only gives you some drive and things to work towards to keep your mind off the negative shit of your past. But once you start to achieve these goals/wants and disires. It is a huge ego boost and helps your self esteem dramaticaly knowing that life is looking up and things are changing for the better. So my idea for this post is to create a list of the things you feel will make your life better. And by doing that the person that post before or after you may see something on your list that they hadnt thought of. And then We can post when we accomplish said goals (kinda give updates) and also offer advice on how to accomplish some of them. To just create an informative, supportive and interactive thread.

Ill start it off with my list as of now and Ill add to it later as my life starts to come together again and more things become in reach for me.

...Starting Over Check List...

To obtain transportation again, via car or bike to get back and fourth to work.
To start to right the wrongs I know I did while either strung out or locked up.
To get my health back.
To get a job and work towards finding something in life I can see myself enjoying for the rest of my life that will support me and my family.
Live life and love doing it.
To stay off dope at all cost.
To get a new appartment so I can ease the stress off my family a bit.
To get a new dog to keep me company on those potential lonely night when a relapse would be prominent.
And Number 1 on my list of things to do while starting over and bettering my life is to BE A BETTER FATHER so I can see my daugher smile more.

Well theres mine so far, and heres is a small update to the list I made.
Since my release I have relapsed but Im two weeks clean now,
I have been spending any and all extra time with my daughter doing things she wants to do and loving it.
I have put in over 100 applications for work and went to an interview this morning and I think I nailed it, (pretty pumped)
On the transportation part, Ive gotten the bus lines down pat for now until I can afford a car again.
And Ive been smiling from ear to ear and loving life while living it at the same time since Ive been spending all my extra time with my daughter.
And Ive been working out once a day and trying to get atleast a couple runs a week for my health and Im eating healthier.

So lets hear some of the things you want in your life to start over, or to simply better the life you have now.

 

[Serotonin101]

Good job on making a plan. Fail to plan and you plan to fail (cliche but oh so true). I avoided prison luckily by getting into a diversion program and hopefully I'll be available to complete this drug court shit and not become a felon. As of now my plan is: 1. Do not pickup/use no matter what. 2. comply with drug court (and be their show dog jumping through the hoops [apparently this whiteboy can jump =P]). 3. Remain active in NA. 4. Get my license back 5. Continue school and achieve my degree in psychology. 6. Enter into school to become an EMT then a Medic. 7. Find a career I'm interested in. 8. ??? 9. PROFIT!

Make sure you keep making that list longer as you achieve the goals. For every one you cross off, add another so you'll stay busy. AND DON'T CELEBRATE BY USING when you complete a task. Best of luck my friend. Keep us here at TDS posted on how things are going

 

[indicameds]

Thanks Serotonin, and I agree all the way about the plan. In AA/NA they tell you not to set your goals to high or to plan the outcome of things. For fear of not reaching said goals and the upset of that triggering you to use. Or that the outcome is different than the one you planned. But I know from the past, if I keep my goals to small realistic ones I can work up to the big ones as I accomplish the smaller ones on the way. Im fucking loving life today. Ive been in and out of AA/NA for years and Ive never really bought into it. But I got a new sponsor this time. And when I OverDosed a few weeks back after only being out of prison this time since april 6th. He showed up after someone called him to let him know. And he had a long talk with me about all of his thoughts on it. And it hit home. I got to quit putting focus on the drugs and all the other shit Im blaming. It doesnt matter one bit. The only thing I need to make sure I do is to stop doing any and all things that cause the negative shit in my life. And that is it. I had a talk with him about sobriety dates and feeling guilty about drinking after being sober for a year. And he laid it out in a way that made me feel so much better and took a load off my chest. He said If a few drinks with some friends makes for some good memories and thats were it ends. Than leave it at that. If I wake up feeling guilty about it, than chances are I need to changed my sobriety date and cut the drinking out. Every other time I tried this, it felt like I was loosing my life. And had to stay locked inside, but this time I feel like Im just getting my life back. Im focusing on getting rid of the things in life that was bringing me down. He told me If Im sober from dope for 3 years and I have a drink one night on a date with a girl than thats all it is. Im still sober from DOPE for the 3 years. So dont beat my self up about the drink, but smile about it and add it to my bank of good times. When you get down on your self about little shit that wasnt negative in the first place it helps to trigger using again. Having a sponsor that understands this time is helping alot.

And I tried drug court once. Its hell in Ky, good luck man. Keep us posted and Ill do the same.

 

[Immortal I Stand]

indicameds--- Keep up the good thoughts, man. this was a good post. It's fuckin incredible how one person can change our frame of thought. Stay healthy bro!

and yeah man, indica is the way to go.

 

[DonStatus]

Nicely laid out plan bro. It takes a big person to step up admit wrong and lay out a plan for changing the current position they find themselves in, in their lives. I myself may be big enough to plan something like that out too.

 

[herbavore]

Hi indica-- this is a fantastic thread! Congratulations on getting out of that sea of negativity with such a positive attitude and the action to back it up. How old is your daughter? She must be over-the-moon happy to have you back. I'll keep my fingers crossed for the job to come through.

 

[RedLeader]

When I was younger, I had the opportunity to spend some time living in Asia. Without a doubt, these were the best times of my life. Life was so busy and exciting, yet at the same time my stress levels were so low. I'd wake up early, have a balanced, healthy and productive day and then get into bed, exhausted, before midnight. I met great people, saw great places and finally felt like I was where I should be.

Then, likely due to taking it for granted and not really appreciating it, I screwed everything up and spent the next few years falling lower and lower.

Needless to say, if I got there once, I can get there again. At least this is how I am trying to see it. It's that long-term goal that is going to keep me working hard and staying out of trouble. If I was running from tons of things before, I'm running toward one big thing now. I'm stacking my coins at my current job, making plans with a friend to pave way for a better source of future income and avoiding the temptations of using because I don't want anything setting me back.

This is that big item on my checklist, the one that a lot of the other things on my checklist are there to support.

 

[ugly]

It must be a time of renewal for a number of us. I'm starting over too. Thank you, indica. I feel like I have a small support group in this thread. It's good to read about all of your lives and not be constantly focused on my problems.

• I already changed my personal persuasion to Celibate. Check.
• I stopped drinking alcohol. Check.
• I needed to decide what to do about getting a job. Check. (I decided to change careers from Education to Health Care.)
• I need to stay in the moment and not worry
  about what will happen if.......... Fail. (I worry too much about the future.)
• Be Positive. Making Improvements.
• Get a job. Anywhere. Fail. (I am still looking after 2 years.)

 

[indicameds]

Immortal: Thanks for the good vibes.

Donstatus: appreciate the input, and it took me awhile to step up to the plate and admit my wrongs. But since Ive done it shit is getting better. And If I can make these changes and plans considering my past then anyone can man. If your wanting to you just gotta do it, it wont happen on its own. Your plenty big enough bro.

Herbavore: Thanks you for all your positive input. And my daughter is super ecstatic about me being home. And her mother being the great person she is has been making it easy for me to put my relationship with her(my daughter) back together. I think its mostly because she can see Im really trying to change this time and that after spending half my twenties and most my teens in jails, prison and hospitals Im finally done with the shit. My daughter is 8 years old and just an amazing young women already. She knows everything about my past and yet keeps that childish trait of easy forgiveness while having the mature mind to let me know it cant happen again.
Here she is last week at the riverfront with me at a festival.

Redleader: Thats great your working towards your goals and making progress. Are you planning on going back to Aisa or are you just trying to get everything stable where you are? Id love to make it to Aisa one day, just to visit. I have friends that live in Thailand and love it.

Ugly: Yeah it does seem like theres alot of us starting over, thats a good thing. Fresh starts are exciting, hard but still exciting. We just got to keep pulling the positives out of it all and like you said above "not be constantly focused on my problems" but rather focus on the solutions. And congratulations on your list and the things youve already accomplished, the rest are soon to follow if you keep working towards em. Dont let the worrying out way the joy your owed in life, keep smiling no matter what.

Positive vibes to everyone.

 

[Immortal I Stand]

indica- hell yeah man. you're welcome.

I have two sons, one seven y/o and my other little dude just turned one. There is a song containing the lyrics "my children, my salvation", and I've been holding onto those simple words when dealing with my newfound sobriety. Our kids save us, man, I can't explain it any other way. I'm preaching to the choir here, but man, best wishes to you.

 

[Cid Lysergic]

I restarted in January. Wasn't a very long run as I'm only 20. I lucked out though as the police took me to the mental ward rather than jail. Others aren't that lucky. I have since had to move across the country. I work two jobs now along with taking a summer course on Pharmacology. I hope to someday be a Biochemist or Psychopharmacologist. I have reduced my drug use down to weed/cigs along with an lsd trip or a benzo every now & then. Prior to January, I was staying up for days on meth or doing stupid stuff like popping Benadryl or going downtown at night to score crack. I am hoping to get out of my credit card debt, get a vehicle, & then drive across the country. I might be young, but if you have the chance, take a restart before you a forced to take a restart. It's easier when it's your choice rather than being thrown straight at you.

 

[indicameds]

Immortal, those are good words to live by. We all know we have to want to do it for our selfs or it wont ever fully work. But theres no rules agains having some motivation. And I cant think of any larger or better motivation than our kids. Were grateful to have that tool on our side.

And Cid, those are some great goals to have with the degrees and career your pursuing. I think its great, and even though your never to old to have the life you want. You got the upper hand by being so young and knowing what will make you happy and what you want to do. Take advantage of that and grab ahold of it, Im certian you can get to the place you want to be. And your right, its easier and funner taking the restart on your terms than theres. Learn from my mistake if you can. I was forced to start over time and time again, and it isnt any fun and the options out there for you get smaller every time your forced to do it again. It is a revolving door, so take your chance and run with it. Im pulling for you man. Keep us posted.

 

[junkieman412]

Dont pick up is just where my checklist should be. Everything else will follow i know that without a doubt. I'm only a few weeks in right now . I'm working but i might be burning my candle at both ends. I like the responsibility and freedom at my job cause i know my shit and have a guy our two under me but i dunno its turning into 50 60 hr weeks n shit. Plus a commute of 1.5 hrs each way and minimum 5 meetings each week. It keeps me busy but might be to busy. Add a fucked up relationship, she doesn't get high I'm probably playing with fire knowing from past experiences with work and relationships adding to my stress. Rambling a little I'm beat I just have a history of getting clean and trying to go too fast putting my life back together.

 

[herbavore]

Indica, your daughter is absolutely ADORABLE!!!

I work with elementary school kids and one thing I know is that they need unconditional love from their parents but they also totally give theirs unconditionally. You can be a wonderful role model for her in many ways but the one that will count the most is to model how to face your problems and make whatever changes you have to to deal with them. And you are doing this right now.

 

[ugly]

I received my packet from the pharm tech school today. I register Monday. Classes are from July through November, at which time I will find a job at a pharmacy somewhere because the universe hasn't made any mistakes yet.

At some point in the coming days I will have to pass a drug test for pharm school. Fake pee is easy as 1,2,3. But what if they do a mouth swab? I guess I need to start drinking tons of water and exercising my ass off....

 

[VivaTequila]

Dude, this is inspirational! I'm so happy for you! I'd not second guess you as an amazing motivational speaker! Way to go!

To the person above me: pharm school makes you pass drug tests? What country is this in?

 

[indicameds]

Be careful Junkieman, the stress from taking on to much at once can be just as bad as anything else. But other than that man you sound like your doing great and on the right path. Good shit man, just let life fall back in place. Dont try to force it.

Herbavore, thanks so much for the compliments and sound advice. Its appreciated and warmly accepted

Ugly, that is fuckin great. Im glad for you, just keep smiling and working towards it and shit will work out if you let it. Be careful with the fake pee, is cleaning up in time possible? Thats the best and sure fire way to go if it is. I know its easier said than done though. Either way good luck with the Urine test and keep us posted.

Viva, good to have you in the thread. And thanks for the compliment, im far from a motivational speaker. Im just excited about starting over this time and trying to stay positive about it all so that this is the last time. Im pumped about what the future holds for once.

 

[junkieman412]

Be careful Junkieman, the stress from taking on to much at once can be just as bad as anything else. But other than that man you sound like your doing great and on the right path. Good shit man, just let life fall back in place. Dont try to force it.

Herbavore, thanks so much for the compliments and sound advice. Its appreciated and warmly accepted

Ugly, that is fuckin great. Im glad for you, just keep smiling and working towards it and shit will work out if you let it. Be careful with the fake pee, is cleaning up in time possible? Thats the best and sure fire way to go if it is. I know its easier said than done though. Either way good luck with the Urine test and keep us posted.

Viva, good to have you in the thread. And thanks for the compliment, im far from a motivational speaker. Im just excited about starting over this time and trying to stay positive about it all so that this is the last time. Im pumped about what the future holds for once.

Thank you, i have good people in my life they keep me sane and help me unload some stress. You have a beautiful daughter btw. You know they always say do it for yourself not other people but honestly i think that's bs. Family is so important. I don't even have kids but the devistation ive caused my family keeps me from picking up. Im tired of the only news being bad news about me. I dont want my obituary to be tyre next news they get. My sister has an angel of a child; she just stopped one day. That was 11 years ago.
Keep it up we can beat this shit :D
Wanting to not be a vampire and being tan and healthy this summer is on my checklist as well lol

 

[ugly]

Dont pick up is just where my checklist should be. Everything else will follow i know that without a doubt. I'm only a few weeks in right now . I'm working but i might be burning my candle at both ends. I like the responsibility and freedom at my job cause i know my shit and have a guy our two under me but i dunno its turning into 50 60 hr weeks n shit. Plus a commute of 1.5 hrs each way and minimum 5 meetings each week. snip

junkieman... you are working and commuting SO much that I'm going to add my 2 cents and say it is probably too much. I don't know if you are even in a position to change your schedule so I'm just sending my energy your way, hoping it helps a tiny bit. After I read your post I felt like I needed a nap, for fucksake.

 

[junkieman412]

junkieman... you are working and commuting SO much that I'm going to add my 2 cents and say it is probably too much. I don't know if you are even in a position to change your schedule so I'm just sending my energy your way, hoping it helps a tiny bit. After I read your post I felt like I needed a nap, for fucksake.

Thanks. No i can't really change my schedule. Im a painter and half of what takes my time up is after jobs dealing with clients and shit. Or my boss. I just got an extra 2 dollars an hr after only like a week and a half. I work hard and know my shit I'm glad they see it. Shoot i just did a side job this is my 7th day straight working. I do interior too but its the summertime I need to make as much as i can.
Ill keep an eye on it my boss knows I'm in recovery so he's been cool or at least trying to let me off so i can make meetings.