Jekyl Anhydride
Bluelight Crew
Heading over to the parents house in 3..2..1...
Merry Christmas gang
Merry Christmas gang
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OD Moderators: Keif’ Richards | negrogesic
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- Thread starter Slow_Mobius
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Slow_Mobius
Bluelight Crew
Ho Ho Ho!
There is not enough mistletoe in the world for a nightmare on elm street.
My back hurts. Need more spliff.
Until next year children of BL!
Santa, you really dissappointed this time. I was a good boy all year.
All I wanted for Christmas was some 2-FA
ShroomySatori
Bluelighter
Had a great Christmas. Finished reading the Crowley book I was reading and now I am starting Infinite Jest.
Entering withdrawal from oxy's after binging for a week. Keeping a positive attitude about it. Why binge, if I am not able to face the consequences. I am attempting to perceive the physical effects with amusement; easier said than done, but I know that this can only strengthen me. A week isn't long enough to develop negative habitual tendencies towards life in general and that is the main thing for me. I will not be feeling dead, as I am used to living a productive and happy life and a week isn't long enough to take that away from me.
I'll definitely be resting up in bed while reading and also listening to music through my new headphones, though. Taking it easy, but certainly getting out for a walk daily (with my sick wireless headphones playing music on my phone). I forgot to smoke weed on Christmas so I am lighting some bowls and after a full day, getting quite lit. I am going to try to forget about drugs altogether for the next week as I detox. I know in advance that I won't have my usual creativity, and there will be shit physical symptoms but that doesn't mean I can't be productive. I am working a lot of hours to keep my mind off it, too. A lot of journal writing about the lady on vacation whose company I didn't realize I would miss so much. Just taking it easy there is no point getting worked up about a withdrawal and I was sick for half the day today before I decided to use. Really don't have it so bad, just burning nerves in my upper arms and very restless legs. Very bad back pain. I find that if I do not desire it any longer, that the withdrawal is not half so bad. I certainly do not wish to continue using I am quite happy that the stupid script has been blown through. I somehow got my prescription over two weeks early I don't really get that, but I am all out of refills and too lazy to get more and it has been way too long since I talked to my drug hustler / pain doc. i'm sure he'd be happy to see me but I think I would beat his face in tbh. Just how I feel about opiates these days; they disgust me and I don't know wtf I was thinking but it's over and they will be out of my system in a day or two. Every time I relapse it is at the pharmacy I have already told them straight up I am an addict and to fuck off but they go by the computer system. I will have to get my doctor involved to get a block on these scripts in fact I think I have already done this but I need to make sure as although I will go through this without complaint, I don't want it to happen again. And it is always from the doctors now, so they need to fuck off before I freak out and beat the fuck out of one. I haven't been into heroin since June or July or some shit, or any street opiates for that matter since then.
I am really excited to read Infinite Jest so I am holding off on the Pynchon books I have for now, as I would like to start with Inherent Vice and my brother is reading that one at the moment.
Man that new Nintendo system is insane. Anyways, I'll be distracting myself from the idea of drugs altogether or at least trying to. Considering myself just under the weather with a real bad hangover for a week. So my GP is really against opioids and scripted me weed. It is her I need to make sure to block the prescriptions from. I don't even know how I got two oxycodone prescriptions in a month for the same prescription as they are insane about that here. I am sick and fucking tired of relapsing at what is supposed to be health care and is essentially the source I use to kill myself. I don't have any other sources for opiates, so in order to stop using them I need to once again, try and make sure that the medical system cannot prescribe me opioids as I can easily get them for a spine condition. They do not help my pain, though... they make it much worse, in fact. I like to nod but this is just getting stupid now so I will be forgetting about drugs as of now and picking up Infinite Jest after adding some Jasmine oil in a little water to my oil burner and smoking another bowl.
Entering withdrawal from oxy's after binging for a week. Keeping a positive attitude about it. Why binge, if I am not able to face the consequences. I am attempting to perceive the physical effects with amusement; easier said than done, but I know that this can only strengthen me. A week isn't long enough to develop negative habitual tendencies towards life in general and that is the main thing for me. I will not be feeling dead, as I am used to living a productive and happy life and a week isn't long enough to take that away from me.
I'll definitely be resting up in bed while reading and also listening to music through my new headphones, though. Taking it easy, but certainly getting out for a walk daily (with my sick wireless headphones playing music on my phone). I forgot to smoke weed on Christmas so I am lighting some bowls and after a full day, getting quite lit. I am going to try to forget about drugs altogether for the next week as I detox. I know in advance that I won't have my usual creativity, and there will be shit physical symptoms but that doesn't mean I can't be productive. I am working a lot of hours to keep my mind off it, too. A lot of journal writing about the lady on vacation whose company I didn't realize I would miss so much. Just taking it easy there is no point getting worked up about a withdrawal and I was sick for half the day today before I decided to use. Really don't have it so bad, just burning nerves in my upper arms and very restless legs. Very bad back pain. I find that if I do not desire it any longer, that the withdrawal is not half so bad. I certainly do not wish to continue using I am quite happy that the stupid script has been blown through. I somehow got my prescription over two weeks early I don't really get that, but I am all out of refills and too lazy to get more and it has been way too long since I talked to my drug hustler / pain doc. i'm sure he'd be happy to see me but I think I would beat his face in tbh. Just how I feel about opiates these days; they disgust me and I don't know wtf I was thinking but it's over and they will be out of my system in a day or two. Every time I relapse it is at the pharmacy I have already told them straight up I am an addict and to fuck off but they go by the computer system. I will have to get my doctor involved to get a block on these scripts in fact I think I have already done this but I need to make sure as although I will go through this without complaint, I don't want it to happen again. And it is always from the doctors now, so they need to fuck off before I freak out and beat the fuck out of one. I haven't been into heroin since June or July or some shit, or any street opiates for that matter since then.
I am really excited to read Infinite Jest so I am holding off on the Pynchon books I have for now, as I would like to start with Inherent Vice and my brother is reading that one at the moment.
Man that new Nintendo system is insane. Anyways, I'll be distracting myself from the idea of drugs altogether or at least trying to. Considering myself just under the weather with a real bad hangover for a week. So my GP is really against opioids and scripted me weed. It is her I need to make sure to block the prescriptions from. I don't even know how I got two oxycodone prescriptions in a month for the same prescription as they are insane about that here. I am sick and fucking tired of relapsing at what is supposed to be health care and is essentially the source I use to kill myself. I don't have any other sources for opiates, so in order to stop using them I need to once again, try and make sure that the medical system cannot prescribe me opioids as I can easily get them for a spine condition. They do not help my pain, though... they make it much worse, in fact. I like to nod but this is just getting stupid now so I will be forgetting about drugs as of now and picking up Infinite Jest after adding some Jasmine oil in a little water to my oil burner and smoking another bowl.
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Runningfox
Bluelighter
The Day After Christmas --
Things are ok here in Brooklyn.
We had one Christmas celebration with my brother's family-- was fun. We'll celebrate with our kids in January when schedules all permit.
My oldest child took off on a last minute trip to Orlando-- accompanying a student of hers whose mother passed away quite unexpectedly last week. The student's performing in a half time show at a Bowl game; her mother had intended to accompany her. It's a sad time ; they'll make the best of it and dedicate the young lady's hard work and Honors, to the mother.
I have zero plans for New Years except that "some time " before my nephew goes back to school, my husband n i will try to get over n see him again: play Clue or Monopoly; try n do a few things we were unable to squeeze in on Christmas day.
I'm doing fine substance -wise. Using only small amounts of gabapentin. I have levelled out n will stay at this dose awhile; likely til all my holiday celebrations are over with.
I received some sweet gifts; I REALLY enjoyed watching my nephew n nieces open theirs & play games etc.
It's been a nice Christmas so far.
How's everyone else getting on??
Things are ok here in Brooklyn.
We had one Christmas celebration with my brother's family-- was fun. We'll celebrate with our kids in January when schedules all permit.
My oldest child took off on a last minute trip to Orlando-- accompanying a student of hers whose mother passed away quite unexpectedly last week. The student's performing in a half time show at a Bowl game; her mother had intended to accompany her. It's a sad time ; they'll make the best of it and dedicate the young lady's hard work and Honors, to the mother.
I have zero plans for New Years except that "some time " before my nephew goes back to school, my husband n i will try to get over n see him again: play Clue or Monopoly; try n do a few things we were unable to squeeze in on Christmas day.
I'm doing fine substance -wise. Using only small amounts of gabapentin. I have levelled out n will stay at this dose awhile; likely til all my holiday celebrations are over with.
I received some sweet gifts; I REALLY enjoyed watching my nephew n nieces open theirs & play games etc.
It's been a nice Christmas so far.
How's everyone else getting on??
Captain.Heroin
Bluelight Crew
I had a great Christmas
GiNa LyNnxx
Bluelighter
Me too??
ShroomySatori
Bluelighter
I had a great Christmas too. Best part was sharing pure essential rose oil with my sister. I've been waiting for the right moment for that, it is very expensive. She loved it. Our hands had a strong rosy aroma for hours upon hours from a little drop and initially we inhaled through the palms of our hands and it was totally intoxicating. I want to do this with a girl who is not my sister, but I neglected her as an addict and it was really important for me to get her a few thoughtful gifts this year. So I got her 4, and made her a homemade card. That was my favourite part of my Christmas, making her so happy. My younger brother and I are already best friends.
I am sick though. I have been abusing oxycodone all month on and off but lately it was a binge, 112 pills from the pharmacy. A lot of oxy for my tolerance, but after a few days, I could not feel any amount of oxycodone whatsoever, as only heroin can truly satisfy me if I go that way. Such a stupid decision. I recovered really fast last time, I'm sure this time I will too. A couple weeks of severe physical discomfort but I made a pact with myself not to let it impact my productivity or enjoyment of life. I've got restless legs and I can feel it in my bones, but I am going to stay up and read Infinite Jest before work at 4am and enjoy myself. Not letting this shit fuck with me anymore and luckily it wasn't long enough to steal my enthusiasm for life away. Just feel physically like complete shit in indescribable ways, regret and resent using them - but I will be healthy again soon. Just gotta tough it out and then make sure with my GP I can't get scripts anymore, as that was my last refill that I didn't even know I had. Not that I want that shit. It is a miserable way to live. It seems to strike me in my sleep when I least expect it.
I am sick though. I have been abusing oxycodone all month on and off but lately it was a binge, 112 pills from the pharmacy. A lot of oxy for my tolerance, but after a few days, I could not feel any amount of oxycodone whatsoever, as only heroin can truly satisfy me if I go that way. Such a stupid decision. I recovered really fast last time, I'm sure this time I will too. A couple weeks of severe physical discomfort but I made a pact with myself not to let it impact my productivity or enjoyment of life. I've got restless legs and I can feel it in my bones, but I am going to stay up and read Infinite Jest before work at 4am and enjoy myself. Not letting this shit fuck with me anymore and luckily it wasn't long enough to steal my enthusiasm for life away. Just feel physically like complete shit in indescribable ways, regret and resent using them - but I will be healthy again soon. Just gotta tough it out and then make sure with my GP I can't get scripts anymore, as that was my last refill that I didn't even know I had. Not that I want that shit. It is a miserable way to live. It seems to strike me in my sleep when I least expect it.
Tubbs
Bluelight Crew
Holidays are going pretty decent except the not sleeping thing. Met my new stepbrother for the first time, he's in from portland skinny white guy with dreads lol
GiNa LyNnxx
Bluelighter
I love ppl who can pull off dreads
Tubbs
Bluelight Crew
Lol he's a legal pot dealer, the most successful man with dreads I've ever met.
ShroomySatori
Bluelighter
I couldn't pull off dreads, but my hair is peony pink at the moment and I am definitely pulling it off. It is hilarious, I look like an alien, but my black roots are already showing up. I am loving it, seriously best thing I ever dead to my hair it is so vibrant it is impossible to ignore. Looks like I'm in another dimension unless I suppose you are at a neon laser rave. I'd fit right in there.
just stirring shit up everywhere I go it seems. People interact with me different, and I don't really see why so it's awesome like that. Then I look in the mirror... strapping young man, what the fuck did you do to your head? Giggles. You are missing some face tats I see... might need a broken heart under your eye. lol.
And there was only one moment when I was really stoned and paranoid and thought at the time that someone took me for gay. Since they were acting a little weird and I was paranoid and stoned as a a rock. One of those awkward stoned moments lol... like Joe Rogan on UFC if you look up joe rogan high, you can see that he looks like he took too many bong tokes before going on air lol it's so silly.
So yeah Lil Peep had his hair in crazy styles, was also a model I believe as a musician and overdosed recently and I was like I should just do something similar since I already have more piercing and tattoo ideas and it turned out to be the best damn thing I ever did to my hair. It's really the continued psychedelia manifesting in physical form now. I've been really into piercing lately I am getting 3 more conches in my other ear; friend sketching me a second tattoo; and alien hair. Looking for change... creative outlet though really fun for me and suits me well. I dress all in black so it makes for an interesting contrast. Best damn ting I ever did to my hair lol. Plus when snow gets in it... lol. Too sick.
Smoked a few joints, really helped with the withdrawals. They were starting to drive me fucking crazy. One can only placate such physically demanding ache and pains with positive thinking for so long. If I don't accept that I feel like shit, I might snap. I won't be sleeping tonight that is for sure but I didn't have rolling papers for a couple days. Finally got some tonight... it is heavenly. Was smoking through my glass pipe but it needs to be cleaned and I am too lazy for that being oxy sick. Totally fucked myself over as everyone else is on vacation and the company is essentially relying on me to work extra hours and always be there this week. Just the week I happen to be so sick I was describe it as an abomination.
Still had a great day. I believe there must be some way of just dealing with it through awareness.
just stirring shit up everywhere I go it seems. People interact with me different, and I don't really see why so it's awesome like that. Then I look in the mirror... strapping young man, what the fuck did you do to your head? Giggles. You are missing some face tats I see... might need a broken heart under your eye. lol.
And there was only one moment when I was really stoned and paranoid and thought at the time that someone took me for gay. Since they were acting a little weird and I was paranoid and stoned as a a rock. One of those awkward stoned moments lol... like Joe Rogan on UFC if you look up joe rogan high, you can see that he looks like he took too many bong tokes before going on air lol it's so silly.
So yeah Lil Peep had his hair in crazy styles, was also a model I believe as a musician and overdosed recently and I was like I should just do something similar since I already have more piercing and tattoo ideas and it turned out to be the best damn thing I ever did to my hair. It's really the continued psychedelia manifesting in physical form now. I've been really into piercing lately I am getting 3 more conches in my other ear; friend sketching me a second tattoo; and alien hair. Looking for change... creative outlet though really fun for me and suits me well. I dress all in black so it makes for an interesting contrast. Best damn ting I ever did to my hair lol. Plus when snow gets in it... lol. Too sick.
Smoked a few joints, really helped with the withdrawals. They were starting to drive me fucking crazy. One can only placate such physically demanding ache and pains with positive thinking for so long. If I don't accept that I feel like shit, I might snap. I won't be sleeping tonight that is for sure but I didn't have rolling papers for a couple days. Finally got some tonight... it is heavenly. Was smoking through my glass pipe but it needs to be cleaned and I am too lazy for that being oxy sick. Totally fucked myself over as everyone else is on vacation and the company is essentially relying on me to work extra hours and always be there this week. Just the week I happen to be so sick I was describe it as an abomination.
Still had a great day. I believe there must be some way of just dealing with it through awareness.
Captain.Heroin
Bluelight Crew
I am so pissed. Nothing works. Ever.
Runningfox
Bluelighter
Someone get you a shit present from the dolluh stoh captain? ?
ShroomySatori
Bluelighter
Sorry dude.
Fucking oxy sick. It has been 2 days and the days were awful but held it together and stayed active apart from sleeping through work and nearly getting fired. I tend to lose sight on days 3 - 7 or so as I am still sick and the lack of nutrition and sleep, everything starts wearing me out and I freak. It sucks, I am making myself suffer pointlessly.
Started with one hardcore nod then flushing a large supply. Ended up taking around 300 oxycodone pills this month. You'd think nearly dying might lead me to choose alternative choices. Tolerance escalated so fast, I couldn't catch a buzz off a few hundred milligrams after a week when 30mg initially had me on the brink of an overdose. This whole ordeal has been shit and I would like to be enjoying my work, not dreading it as I don't really trust that I can function. I can't focus enough to read... all I can do is trek. Walk everyone and explore things to take my mind off the fucking agony that seeps into my bones.
Hope to feel well soon. I trainwrecked myself again.
Fucking oxy sick. It has been 2 days and the days were awful but held it together and stayed active apart from sleeping through work and nearly getting fired. I tend to lose sight on days 3 - 7 or so as I am still sick and the lack of nutrition and sleep, everything starts wearing me out and I freak. It sucks, I am making myself suffer pointlessly.
Started with one hardcore nod then flushing a large supply. Ended up taking around 300 oxycodone pills this month. You'd think nearly dying might lead me to choose alternative choices. Tolerance escalated so fast, I couldn't catch a buzz off a few hundred milligrams after a week when 30mg initially had me on the brink of an overdose. This whole ordeal has been shit and I would like to be enjoying my work, not dreading it as I don't really trust that I can function. I can't focus enough to read... all I can do is trek. Walk everyone and explore things to take my mind off the fucking agony that seeps into my bones.
Hope to feel well soon. I trainwrecked myself again.
Runningfox
Bluelighter
**** reaches for yellow highlighter **** the part where Shroomy admits he's making himself suffer needlessly.
Exactly!
When you get sick n tired of being sick n tired you'll get tf AWAY from them monthly temptations
Exactly!
When you get sick n tired of being sick n tired you'll get tf AWAY from them monthly temptations
Tubbs
Bluelight Crew
Shroomy just hold in there man, it's not worth it, you know that as well as i do. You gotta find something you enjoy to keep your mind away from the temptation man, otherwise it's very difficult.
Jekyl Anhydride
Bluelight Crew
That's a hefty chunk of APAP as well if you didn't wash those pills but hopefully your done for good with the Percs. You been doing any jamming on your geetar, by yourself or with Old Dog? Another volume added to the muskrat sessions or earl grey would be sweet and also help pass the time till the w/d's are over or the lady friend comes back. Hang in there regardless Shroomster..
ShroomySatori
Bluelighter
Hey so I actually lose my creativity completely in withdrawal that is one of the worst parts... I won't be able to pick up my guitar for a week or so. Wouldn't know what to do with it, all I do is improvise and I am not able to do that presently. I can't concentrate enough to read a book, also sucks so much. Just laying in bed listening to music. Bluetooth has tripped me out harder technologically speaking since I first discovered cell phone data and wifi.
I feel like shit. It wasn't only percs I have er oxycontin too, and I cold water extracted the percs. Still stupid...
Thanks guys and running fox. I have too much going on, finding stuff to do hasn't been the problem. It seems that there always comes a day, out of nowhere, where I either wake up fiending a hit because I get very stressed out over something, or if it night-time, going to the pharmacy and randomly getting a script when they open. It is never thought out or like life is boring right now or anything like that, it happens in the blink of an eye. So, I say that the snake bites me in my sleep because I'm not even thinking about anything I just get stressed and it might be one day 2 months later and get a hit.
I guess it is technically chipping or going on periodic binges but it certainly is much better than being fully dependent. I am still able to function at about 50% my typical capacity. I went out to the health food store for a few hours today exploring nutrition, and then went to the mall and roamed around exploring the territory. Been out for walks in the snow. These are things I can't do in full wd... I cannot drive a car if I have been doing heroin lately and am withdrawing. I am not stuck in bed feeling suicidal and the degree of torture is less, but it is still getting the fuck on my nerves.
Yeah bptubbs if I were to use again (I am finally out of scripts, my GP would not prescribe me this, and I sort of cut myself off from unethical pain clinics). If I have another random stress-induced craving, it would likely pass by the time I could find anything. These pills were ticking time bombs waiting for me 5min around the corner for pennies. I am screaming internally though. This is shit. I can't miss work again today but I keep passing out and my performance is going to be sub-par at best.
Running fox, I also admit I got really high though and had a good time nodding for a week in the holidays. It just isn't worth it, for this level of unbearable suffering. Not for an hour of it let alone day after day. My little lapses in judgement... I kept testing them more and more until I eventually got really sick. It's still not that bad because I haven't been ruining my life and throwing everything away - it was only like 2 weeks or something - but it is bad enough that I am trying to hold together everything I have built up since I quit and feel like I am on unsteady footing when everything before was just great.
I feel like shit. It wasn't only percs I have er oxycontin too, and I cold water extracted the percs. Still stupid...
Thanks guys and running fox. I have too much going on, finding stuff to do hasn't been the problem. It seems that there always comes a day, out of nowhere, where I either wake up fiending a hit because I get very stressed out over something, or if it night-time, going to the pharmacy and randomly getting a script when they open. It is never thought out or like life is boring right now or anything like that, it happens in the blink of an eye. So, I say that the snake bites me in my sleep because I'm not even thinking about anything I just get stressed and it might be one day 2 months later and get a hit.
I guess it is technically chipping or going on periodic binges but it certainly is much better than being fully dependent. I am still able to function at about 50% my typical capacity. I went out to the health food store for a few hours today exploring nutrition, and then went to the mall and roamed around exploring the territory. Been out for walks in the snow. These are things I can't do in full wd... I cannot drive a car if I have been doing heroin lately and am withdrawing. I am not stuck in bed feeling suicidal and the degree of torture is less, but it is still getting the fuck on my nerves.
Yeah bptubbs if I were to use again (I am finally out of scripts, my GP would not prescribe me this, and I sort of cut myself off from unethical pain clinics). If I have another random stress-induced craving, it would likely pass by the time I could find anything. These pills were ticking time bombs waiting for me 5min around the corner for pennies. I am screaming internally though. This is shit. I can't miss work again today but I keep passing out and my performance is going to be sub-par at best.
Running fox, I also admit I got really high though and had a good time nodding for a week in the holidays. It just isn't worth it, for this level of unbearable suffering. Not for an hour of it let alone day after day. My little lapses in judgement... I kept testing them more and more until I eventually got really sick. It's still not that bad because I haven't been ruining my life and throwing everything away - it was only like 2 weeks or something - but it is bad enough that I am trying to hold together everything I have built up since I quit and feel like I am on unsteady footing when everything before was just great.
Runningfox
Bluelighter
It'll get back to great quickly enuf.
What's weird with painkillers is that it's been many many months since I had any but even those last few times I did -- they didnt do Jack Shit for pain and they made me feel very volatile n angry the whole couple days I was taking them.
That kinda crap makes it very easy not to be tempted to try finding any. They turned on me. And I'm kinda glad they did.
I remember withdrawals and they were Awful.
What's weird with painkillers is that it's been many many months since I had any but even those last few times I did -- they didnt do Jack Shit for pain and they made me feel very volatile n angry the whole couple days I was taking them.
That kinda crap makes it very easy not to be tempted to try finding any. They turned on me. And I'm kinda glad they did.
I remember withdrawals and they were Awful.