^that is fucking ridiculous. I'm glad I quit pain management and got on heroin. It was just too much of a waste of time every month to deal with seeing a doctor then having to fill a script. Fortunately the internet exists.
I feel exactly the same way. After the "fentanyl crisis" hit my area (you literally can't find anything other than fentanyl from bottom-level dealers, it is fucking stupid and insane! For some reason heroin has this stigma but fentanyl doesn't and as any blue lighter knows fent is WAY more dangerous. People smoke the patches, and criminal organization produce it or import it (I'm assuming you don't even know what analog you are taking from the pills they illicitly produce or the fucking powder mixtures, I would never ever touch any of it and I am a full blown junkie apart from I refuse to use needles, I've only shot up once in my life and it was a while ago. Smoking plastic stickers? Like WTF. But heroin you're a scummy junkie right... I'm actually really physically healthy and toned for someone with chronic spinal pain and I am way, way better looking, chiller, and happier on heroin than the little bit of child-proof oxycodone the motherfucker gave me).
And after this "crisis" hit which is really a crisis of prohibition and personal freedom and lack of education and downright abuse of many chronic pain patients, not fentanyl, my pain management doctor became a total asshole towards me. I told him I needed to get my mental health checked out really seriously (I have every symptom of borderline personality disorder, daily extreme panic attacks which I medicate with benzos, and well the fucking chronic pain kind of makes me depressed considering I was an athlete before and it has been 7 years of this bad bullshit and I feel hopeless now and they don't do anything but throw me a small, small, tiny-ass bit of oxy that is really enough for the morning, but tamper-proofed to last all day and so tamper-proofed it doesn't even fucking work anymore, and I only see the situation getting worse). He actually ridiculed me and told me he "doesn't need to know about that" when I mentioned mental illness. Like I'm fucking suicidal sometimes, the prick. And he only sees me once every three months for FIVE MINUTES. I write him 4 page letters 1.5 spaced, because I refuse to not be listened to, and he won't even read them for fucks sake! Like he doesn't have the time yet the fucker is paid six figures! What if the fucking note said I was thinking of killing myself this motherfucking piece of shit I honestly hope he burns in hell for this. He will totally be reincarnated as someone with chronic pain or get it later in his stupid fucking pointless life.
Like this chronic pain is ruining my life!!! It has completely ruined my life I was an engineer with my own house before I got hit with it at fucking 23, and shortly thereafter I was fired because even growing and vaping extreme amounts of cannabis every day, I literally woke up screaming and crying every day wishing I was dead.
Top quality diacetylmorphine has made me a happy person again : )
I don't think I will ever quit using heroin. It would just be so fucking complicated in so many ways with my chronic health problems and I'd rather just accept that I'm a habitual heroin user and get on with my life. It would be nice if the doctors would give me the meds that are not fucking childproofed and of reasonable strength that reflects the level of pain I'm in, but apparently there is a war out there.