KurtAurelius
Bluelighter
Through this journey,
The one to explore,
To trial and test,
Induce or Reduce.
I have found myself,
Not at a crossroads,
Nor a end point.
No words to explain,
But to try is to say,
The search kills,
Kills all reason,
All meaning,
Reduces brilliance
And mystery
To decay
Death
And shame.
I summarise how to turn back,
But I never relax
One more task to complete
As I witness my past and trauma engulf rest
With no sound my ears ring,
With nothing to look at,
The floaters swirl in view
This ego will not do no matter how Ill kill it.
No plan, but to lift the weights, enjoy release, and Methylphenidate and Cannabis to keep going a little longer. To help me to atleast feed my girlfriend, to clean, and to keep her going even if I don’t know why I want to anymore.
Put me in a coma after I play a few songs, wheel me out with a Dextromoramide drip. You never know what joys life could bring.
I’ll ask the doctor for help, I’ll fight the invalidation I created, because I was brainwashed as a child.
To be perfect and normal, so I could be broken now.
(back to back, cello added and taken away perfectly accents the abbys)
( one last attempt at grasping the beauty of this place amidst its pain)
(How I’d spend £70, a day of Dihydrocodeine and 90s TV)
The one to explore,
To trial and test,
Induce or Reduce.
I have found myself,
Not at a crossroads,
Nor a end point.
No words to explain,
But to try is to say,
The search kills,
Kills all reason,
All meaning,
Reduces brilliance
And mystery
To decay
Death
And shame.
I summarise how to turn back,
But I never relax
One more task to complete
As I witness my past and trauma engulf rest
With no sound my ears ring,
With nothing to look at,
The floaters swirl in view
This ego will not do no matter how Ill kill it.
No plan, but to lift the weights, enjoy release, and Methylphenidate and Cannabis to keep going a little longer. To help me to atleast feed my girlfriend, to clean, and to keep her going even if I don’t know why I want to anymore.
Put me in a coma after I play a few songs, wheel me out with a Dextromoramide drip. You never know what joys life could bring.
I’ll ask the doctor for help, I’ll fight the invalidation I created, because I was brainwashed as a child.
To be perfect and normal, so I could be broken now.
(back to back, cello added and taken away perfectly accents the abbys)
( one last attempt at grasping the beauty of this place amidst its pain)
(How I’d spend £70, a day of Dihydrocodeine and 90s TV)
