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The Sad Thread (Anti-Snoo) 2 - Tory Britain in Flames

Oh hunnie, I can only identify with the opposite. I hated being a zombie. Not sad, no but not happy either. I hated that. Being happy is what identifies me. I am, in general, a very happy person. It killed me being so...... nothing. I was nothing. I took no pleasure from life nor did I give any back. Life sucked on meds.

I don't need them anymore and quite honestly don't think I did then. Doctors have a habit of chucking anti-depressants to anyone coming in with a problem. Was also given small mg diaz which I asked not to be given again. Didn't like those as a regular course of treatment as I was just even more sleepy.

Things will get better. I know that's so cliche but they will. You know how to reach me if you want a chat Sammy boy. I'll always have an ear and a very warm shoulder for you should you need it pal.

xxx

With each others help, neither of us will kill any motherfuckers today. Lets make today a zero kill day ;)
 
See, if I didn't have the meds I would be dead. Simple as that. You don't get a choice in my situation.

And being a zombie on meds is far, far, preferable to being a zombie with acute depression. It's less fun than being an emissary of the White Lodge or an alien (or both), and it's less fun than being the most interesting guy in town, but it's more fun than walking the streets at night with a knife, half-hoping for trouble.

When I say 'feelings', I don't necessarily mean happiness. Happiness isn't a feeling so much as a state. Feelings are torture. Happiness is the absence of feelings.

I appreciate the sentiment though. Thanks. It's just that I know things will not get better, and I just need to accept that.
 
Damn Sammy, that's harsh and dangerous and I don't like it!

Don't know how long you've been on your meds, sometimes these things take more time than you think. Saying that, you know yourself and what you need. Speak to your psychiatrist again. See what she says.

You could do with hanging out with Kate and I. I have a way of making people forget about their problems and actually laugh even when they didn't think they could.

Would love to give you a hug just now but even if you were here you don't seem like the hugs type. I'd tell you to suck it up you'd be getting one anyway.
 
since you said happiness was a state how about you move your brain there for a holiday and see if that helps, dead serious though zombies scare the shit out of me and I would be shagging daryl. How do you know they won't get better is there no way for you to see past this at the moment? do you have friends or family near you as I think you need someone to be around you just now as sadie above said it does sound dangerous how you sound just now. I hope you get to your doctor and get something sorted out for you as you really need help and support.
 
I spoke to my psychiatrist on Monday. She could tell as soon as I walked into the room. I have a crisis team number.

See, I have no problem with laughing. I laugh more than most 'normal' people. Some less perceptive folk would take me for happy-go-lucky.

I have more of a problem with this shit I'm typing now. I've been on my meds over a year, and they're working well. They can only do so much though. They can't make me sane, and they can't undo the mess I've made. I can attempt to rebuild, but the more I see in this horrible clarity, the less I feel able or inclined to do so.

Sucks being me, etc.

Why do people think I'm not the hugs type? Am I that strange? D'you think I smell? :)

I used to flinch. A kind girl cured me of that. She's now a kind woman. Bless you, M. x
 
flinging hugs your way Sammy :) am strange so there is a saying about that but fk knows I cant remember what happens inside most peoples heads are different to what they say or act anyway maybe you are just saying out loud what others think. still if there were zombies about I would shag Daryl.

sorry I am no good at wording what I meant is maybe what they say is different to how they feel same as you and they hide it does that sound about right christfuckdanmfartypants ggrrr maybe one day it will sink in to my brain enough to word something right hope you feel better soon :)
 
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Sammy G said:
I spoke to my psychiatrist on Monday. She could tell as soon as I walked into the room. I have a crisis team number.

See, I have no problem with laughing. I laugh more than most 'normal' people. Some less perceptive folk would take me for happy-go-lucky.

I have more of a problem with this shit I'm typing now. I've been on my meds over a year, and they're working well. They can only do so much though. They can't make me sane, and they can't undo the mess I've made. I can attempt to rebuild, but the more I see in this horrible clarity, the less I feel able or inclined to do so.

Sucks being me, etc.

Why do people think I'm not the hugs type? Am I that strange? D'you think I smell? :)

I used to flinch. A kind girl cured me of that. She's now a kind woman. Bless you, M. x
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We all have regrets. It's what happens from here in that truly counts. Our regrets, along with everything we do or that happens to us, shape us into who we are today. My friend, Kath, was a bit like that in terms of having a sense of humour to cover stuff. To see her you'd think she was the happiest person in the world who took nowt seriously n infected everyone with her laughter n sense of humour. Really she had been abused over many years during her childhood, self-harmed n was diagnosed with borderline personality dusorder. She used her humour to disguise all of this n it was often misunderstood humour. She didn't like hugs for obvious reasona.

Dispite the fact you n I don't get on, I'm sorry to see you sad or down on yourself. You've an illness n can't help that. You wouldn't be angry at yourself if you'd been born in a wheelchair, would you?! You're seeking help n that's matter. If you find talking about feelings n stuff difficult - that's ok. I know you're liked by many people on this forum (n probably IRL) for 'being you' so you be all bad.

Ugh this is probably all coming out wrong so I'll leave it here.

Evey
 
<3 Sam.. genuinely... My life really is the pits at the minute, possible mental health issues, definite drug issues, family all worried about me and worried about myself frankly...

Hugs.. Patchouli smells nice..
 
Sammy G said:
I used to want to erase my body completely. I would dance, rocking back and forth, and if I was lucky and in the right kind of phase, I would transcend the physical and become one with everything which surrounded me.

Sometimes these feelings would arrive of their own accord, with an overwhelming sense of peace, and accompanying symbols and imagery. These were usually the best days. No meditation could ever take you that far, not that I was into the sanitised school of meditation anyhow. Give me a scrying mirror and some weed (thanks Brion) anyday. The rest of it is kid's stuff.

I variously characterised these moments of ecstasy as communication with angelic beings, data from some sentient computer, visitations from various goddesses and howling delusions. It seems the last of these was correct.

Now I don't feel these things anymore. I get echoes, but I'll never feel the urge to climb out of my window and salute the morning sun again. The meds are keeping me away from these things, but they're also keeping me away from the really bad days, and the really bad days aren't something I even wish to decribe in what's already been a rambling post.

Since I can no longer erase my body, I desperately want to erase my thoughts, or at least my feelings. I don't want fucking feelings anymore, not even those within the 'normal' range. Without feelings, I could accept my lot and just get on with being an increasingly-cynical and semi-marginalised mentally ill person. As it is, I'm tricked into thinking things could be better, and I know this is the road to disappointment.
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This is where you lose by forfeit :| Not a proud way to go.

I'm in a similar boat, trying to dial down the emotional side (positive/neutral/negative, all emotions) and to just focus on the cognitive. It's really not working well for me.
 
Sorry to hear that, but it's heartening to know somebody understands what I'm trying (badly) to explain.

I hope you find your own path, and I mine. Until then, all the very best.
 
Yeah, my fault. I just needed somewhere to vent about my woes to nobody in particular, and I don't have a drama diary to hand, or a Twatter account either. :D

Glad you'll get some relief in a few hours. I can only hope I do. I might meet the love of my life on Piccadilly concourse, who will give me some smack and then have the manners to fuck off.
 
Sad because somebody I care about broke a promise at the weekend to let me know they were okay. Sad also because it's probably my fault they don't want to get in touch. Sad that they felt they couldn't confide in me. Sad because I should know better, and annoyed that it makes me sad.

Apart from that, I'm actually pretty positive for once.
 
It doesn't necessarily mean that they don't want to get in touch, maybe they had stuff on their mind n forget to contact you? Why not send this person a little note to let them know you're thinking of them n are still there for them? It may just be a misunderstanding. It's good that they have you to care about them n are there for them.

Evey
 
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