So im sitting in my dorm room on this wednsday afternoon smoking a little bit of shitty cannabis. I can hear my suite mate getting ready no doubt about to attend another party to drink and socialize enjoying no doubt the best years of his life. Myself I am sad that the phenazepam suboxe and pot have not put me in a better mood. It seems suicide is a constant thought in my mind for the last 2 years or so. Heroin has been my most loyal company during those years. Those where both the best and worst years of my life heroin addiction is a roller coaster and the ups are as amazing as the lows soul crushing.
I was sober for around 4 months from the smack before I began dabbling again 2 months ago. I intended a one off party a celebration of recovery if you will I simply cant bear the thought of never feeling that high again. Well the one time has turned into everytime I go home from college then switch back to subs while away on campus. I know im doomed im already mentally addicted right now is just the climb up the first hill of the coaster chain clanking halting and stopping but inexorably climbing to that inevitable peak. Then whoosh your at the bottom not even having time to properly enjoy the fall. I know I wont survive this ride I just hope it ends soon.
peace crimson
I was sober for around 4 months from the smack before I began dabbling again 2 months ago. I intended a one off party a celebration of recovery if you will I simply cant bear the thought of never feeling that high again. Well the one time has turned into everytime I go home from college then switch back to subs while away on campus. I know im doomed im already mentally addicted right now is just the climb up the first hill of the coaster chain clanking halting and stopping but inexorably climbing to that inevitable peak. Then whoosh your at the bottom not even having time to properly enjoy the fall. I know I wont survive this ride I just hope it ends soon.
peace crimson