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TDS The ride is almost over :(

RobotRipping

RobotRipping

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 18, 2011
Messages
4,002
Location
NS, Canada
I have been on a drug run so huge and long and i know it's coming to an end. I think it's for the best? i'm not sure but i know whatever God has planned for me it will be good. I am a polydrug addict from downers to psychs opiates and dissociatives oh and stims.

i quit dextroamphetamine 1 month ago
i quit opiates 2 weeks ago
i am still on etizolam so i don't have seizures

and my mxe is gone :(

i have this methylphenidate analogue to keep me going stim wise cause i have adhd but without mxe it's going to hurt so fucking bad please god help me through this i know i'll make it i just wanted to post this in case any of you ever get yourself in this mess you will make it out :) it hurts but it it's a good hurt i hope :)

catch me god here i come im fallin :)
 
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Thanks robot for posting this. I am happy that you are doing your best to kick it off. It is a very painful journey but just imagine yourself after. You will feel like a brand new person and much stronger and wiser best of luck to you.
 
thanks words do help somehow :) the tears also help, it sucks they are messy tho! but hey i can handle one more time around right?
 
One demon at a time, that's what I say. You're doing well and keep us updated too! <3
 
Good luck buddy you are not alone at all. I'm right there with you on this crazy ride. Best of luck to you.
 
RobotRipping said:
I have been on a drug run so huge and long and i know it's coming to an end. I think it's for the best? i'm not sure but i know whatever God has planned for me it will be good. I am a polydrug addict from downers to psychs opiates and dissociatives oh and stims.

i quit dextroamphetamine 1 month ago
i quit opiates 2 weeks ago
i am still on etizolam so i don't have seizures

and my mxe is gone :(

i have this methylphenidate analogue to keep me going stim wise cause i have adhd but without mxe it's going to hurt so fucking bad please god help me through this i know i'll make it i just wanted to post this in case any of you ever get yourself in this mess you will make it out :) it hurts but it it's a good hurt i hope :)

catch me god here i come im fallin :)
Click to expand...

Well done on deciding to quit. And good luck xxxx
 
RR, you are right about the tears. Crying is cleansing. IMO it is the voice of humility and courage at the same time. I wish you strength to get through this by fully being in it if you know what I mean. Keep us posted. You know we care. You have given tons of support to many many people at many stages of their own struggles. <3
 
ah shit i feel like i am just going to let everyone down again - i don't want to quit. i fucking love getting high so badly. the rush of thoughts, insane creativity, focus, motivation, i won't go on because it is insanely triggering. sorry to anyone if that got them. I just want to express how bad drugs can get you. I opened pandoras box, walked through the doors of perception and locked the door. I don't know if i can unwire this because i truly do not want to. I love it. I will even take the suffering but shit i don't want my life to fall apart either but there's almost no way to truly balance it. Not with stims at least. First few days were great but i don't think i can do it, it may be time to fess up to people and just let them know i'm a junkie piece of shit before i hurt anyone else. maybe moving to europe would help but i can only do that if i somehow get my ass through school first and i have class in 6 hours and im spun.

i know i can just keep going on manipulating the shit out of everyone for the rest of my life but i'll never be happy this way, just high enough to realize how shitty it is. I'm such a mess, on MXE i felt so clear and like i was driven by God - now i am really not feeling much, just numb as hell. I hate that cycle as well.
 
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If you are a junkie piece of shit, then we all are. There's still hope...even though it sure as hell doesn't feel that way at times...and people can suck. Esp. when you're feeling really fragile and vulnerable...esp to being criticized. Even if it's two steps forward, and one step back, it's still ok. It has to start somewhere. Wishing you the best. S
 
i dunno where i stand now i basically detoxed 2 weeks off all stims couldn't do anything and i mean anything but eat or sleep it was more awful than my first benzo withdrawal. I ended up back on a long acting less euphoric stimulant which if i don't watch will also cause issues... lifes fucked sometimes i enjoy the suffering, usually i don't when it's prolonged. I'm stuck on etizolam and stims forever i think.... did 2 weeks on morphine and quit like it was nothing tho weird. i dunno maybe im just wired to be this way and have to learn to control it better cause what i was doing before was not working...
 
Good for you mate, you should be proud of yourself. God is proud of you too. Hang in there, stay strong and be safe. Sending you some positive vibes.
 
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