I was looking for this thread and didn't want to make one.
Where to start: Well, my grandma is moving out; as usual, it's well a three-ring circus, as it would be for any family or moving for anyone at any age, say less a 92 year old.
Trying to be supportive of her and my mom and dad. I've taken care of/helped my grandma from 12 to 41 and am tired physically, mentally, and emotionally.
I've been taken off my benzo, my sleeping pill I'm still on, but for the most part, this is the least amount of psychotropic medication I've ever been on! It's difficult some days I snap and lash out verbally; it gets ugly; words are like bullets. I later repent and feel awful having been on the other end of that throughout my teens up to my mid-20's. Frustating.
Been "body-checking" of late and it crept up on me. It's a newer term for dismophic disorder and I'm nipping that crap in the bud. Gradma, as an accountable partner, I'll text her sos and she prays or will text if I'm OK. Seeing the forest for the trees at my age is so much better; being willing to open up to trusted "safe" people who'll keep confidence is nice. I've pretty much given up on talk therapy; the waiting list keeps expanding; it was six months and now that the six months are up, it's been extended to 3 more months. I cannot wait that long; life moves on, as do issues.
I suppose my faith, trusted people who I can confide in (tiny circle of trust.) From Friday night services, right now is filling in with talk therapy. I do what I must.
Speaking of Friday night church, I've started going back!!!!!!!!!

HUGE breakthrough after being gone for almost three years! No more panic attacks! Oh, such an answer to prayer! God indeed does come through. Keep asking, seeking and knocking. Also, being off the birth control has helped.
Having a new friend who's a female Christian and just diagnosed with high functioning autism at 42 has just, yawl, don't know! Such an answer to prayer! GUH
So, joyful rants and not so great rants.

That's life, as Frank Sanatra said. All things considered, I'm in a much better place all around, and my 40's are going to kick ass!
