I'm here lying in my bed, controlling this feeling of loathe and hatred towards people I've known, including myself. I wish it was that easy to let loose and let go and just yell out loud or throw things away or have a huge fight but it's not. It has never been easy for me. Since I was in high school it was never easy to fight back or stand up to my bully and just defend myself. I really dont know why but I just needed one switch in my brain and voila she's out... It's been a while since I have shoved her back in the back of my head but I feel that I needed her again. I wish that when I wake up tomorrow she will be out, defending me from that awful person and making her regret that she ever crossed me but is revenge really a good thing? Poetic justice does not happen very often but her, this other woman, this rage inside me will bring me justice. Do I call her out? I'm still scared, I'm still scared to bring her because I know that if I did I will completely lose myself and mighr never come back. But I would just like to let you know that I hunger for you, for your presence and your cruelty and your power that I've never had.
