the quiet...late night drug fuelled discussions with your doppleganger

[candyflip]

oh no, not THIS fucking thread again!!?!?!?

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The latest Event info, Pill Tests and Club Listings, online: http://www.the-peak.com.au

 

[MíkeySåmmy]

Bluegirl - great words.. i really like what you are saying and i know what you mean.

Fairly recently there were a number of us melbourners at a bush rave.. and having eaten some pure mdma and some acid, at the same time as my good friend kezza, we had entered a world very far from this one.. and for many many hours, the two of us walked around, went on adventures, spoke to one another in complete trust and interdependance.. we were on the same level.. and we were both experiencing the most amazing candyflipping of our lives (so far).

it really changed my outlook on everything after that. i felt that i had really reached the ultimate (though i think i'm still recovering) and i had shared a wonderous moment with someone else. i had connected with him in experiencing what we felt in agreeance, was the same experience.

i dont think im too inaccurate in saying its pretty uncommon that out there in the reality world people dont really connect in such a special way - not easily. and when it does happen its a special moment because its not often you find that you do. i havent had many of these type of moments.. only a few. however, i will always remember that one night that stood out further than any other night, with kezza.

what i love about the drug world is the ease and ability in which you can come up with new, amazing concepts and theories.. ones that arent just dribble-nonsense but are truly insights into your own spirit and your own existence. i have really had a few of these.. embracing a new idea through what bluegirl described as a different paradigm. its a different perspective.

of course, everyone really has to look for these insights themselves. many people out there, use drugs recreationally to have a good time and feel really positive and thats more than they could have asked for, and they're happy. (DoC's post above for example) and this is fine..

yet theres that other option, to go on a search for new concepts and personal ideals.

and thats not something that needs to be done on a dancefloor.. i once had a fantastic evening with a couple of friends who arent interested in raving and partying and so on.. they are more the stoner type.. i introduced them to mdma.. we spent the night walking around the neighbourhood, in the local park and so on.. in an environment familiar to us already as we've smoked weed and done this many a time. it really got us talking.. and we all had so much stuff to talk about and so many opinions to express.. it was like a brainstorming session, as the drugs had a) shifted the 'paradigm' and b) lifted that barrier of communication - you all know that tendency to keep things to yourself and not tell others. i really got on a personal level with those guys and we had some great ideas going.

for this reason sometimes i wish the drugs would last longer.. so these ideas and concepts could fully develop and evolve and could be concluded before the effects of the drugs wore off and the reality paradigm slid back into focus.

thanks bluegirl for that idea.. i see it the same way.

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Note: This message is for informational and entertainment purposes only.
[This message has been edited by MíkeySåmmy (edited 07 October 2000).]

 

[GhOst]

i have to admit, i did not read through all the long posts, but bits and pieces here and there.
but my response to the topic comes straight from myself.
to me, dropping that pill does not send me into a realm where there is only me. in fact it is the opposite. it makes me one with the people around me on a way higher level than in "normal" everyday life. i connect with people, i empathise with people, i LOVE people. i dont need chemical aid to feel all this, BUT with chemical aid it is just so much more amplified.
a friend once commented that im like a little baby animal, when im pilling. im curious, im oh-so-happy, im friendly with every1 even the most scary-looking folks (like a kitten trying to kiss a crocodile). everything is lovely to me, the whole world is full of joy and wonder.
i guess it stems from my rather "expressionless" childhood. because i was a very cold kid who seldom smiled. and the real kid in me who is full of love has never dared to appear until now.
and the chemicals let that baby animal out to play...
*waves little paws*
>'.'<
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~littleHKlaserTriPPeR~

 

[Acid_Reign]

My dad told me a good way to solve maths problems.
I was looking at the diagram, highly frustrated, trying to figure it out.
My dad said something along the lines of "Sometimes to solve a problem you just have to turn the page upside down and have a look from a different perspective"
[This message has been edited by Acid_Reign (edited 08 October 2000).]

 

[el_nino]

WHY DOES ONE TAKE E'S?

My answer to the question is as follows...and this is the abridged version.

During my very early teens, I never thought that i would be 'the sort of person' who would do drugs. I saw reports on drugs on the new and thought of these people as 'druggies', or as generally bad people.

At the age of around 12 I first started to experiment with my consciousness. I can not entirely say what led to this, although i'd say it had a lot to do with myself growing up and trying to work out who i was.

Through the 13-15 years pot was my drug of choice, and i never really drunk much. I had a few acid trips during this period, and althoug i found them amazing and mind openeing, i realised that they were something that you should treat very carefully. The mental powers that acid gave me, warned me of their dangerous side.

I remember when i was about 14-15 years old, there was this big story on the news about ANNA WOOD, and her ecstacy death. From this I gained this idea that E was extremely dangerous, and was the sort of thing that youd be out of your brain to take the risk and try it. I had this idea that taking it was a 50/50 between absolute mind blowing euphoria or instant death. It gave it a somewhat misterious appeal, something of a sin like substance sent down by god, like poisonous fruit.

Once around 16 i was going to a friends 16th b'day and i decided that the time had come and i was going to try it out. That feeling, that unbelievable unique euphoric mind massagind feeling, is something i will never forget for the rest of my life. I originally started taking drugs when i was 13 "to get high" and this was the first drug that did it for me. Pot made me low, acid weird, speed accelerating, but E was a real high. The floating, the back rushes....need i say more.

To sumarise the reasons behind why i liked it, and still love it...
-the happiness
-the body orgasms
-the friendliness
-the sense of one

I guess i was a little shy when i was younger, at least around girls and people id didnt know. During late high school my confidence and self asteem wasnt that good, and my view of myself was confused. E has helped me overcome my confidence problems, and now it isnt a issue anymore. I find myself creating meaningful relationships with people everyday.

The story is not all good, however. There have been times where the E has gone out of control, and indulgence has been overboard.

**** If youre out there and you feel like youre eating too many, you probably are! You can always make a reason to justify bombing. Just remember, that once youve overdone it, its not as fun anymore.

Peace love and .......!
El nino

 

[PoppE]

*BUMP*

 

[shank]

why I take drugs ?
experimentation
exploration
escape
They all start with e too.
when i thought about it these words sum up why i do it. I also think MíkeySåmmy expressed very similar thoughts to what i was thinking. very nicely put another dido from me.
Everyones thoughts though in this thread i have read i can relate to in some way.

 

[delroy]

For me drugs have both been about enjoyment and escape. I use e to run away from my problems yet i am not too sure what i am running away from.
Reading this thread has really made me question my drug use and brought me to the conclusion that i shouldn't be using drugs in order to get away from problems that dog my everyday life. After a little break, in which i hope to sort my problems out, i hope to only use drugs as an added experience to an already happy existence. Then and only then can i use drugs to explore my mind rather than to alienate myself from my life, friends and family.
The only question that begs answering is whether, once contented with my everyday life, will i want to be removed from it again? And does this mean that i have become mundane and boring and now part of the commercial mainstream? Or that i have found true happiness?

 

[Mr Be]

*burp* its always good to throw around an old one!

 

[icantfeelmylegs]

I am flabbergasted... i've not been on Bluelight much.. but it is wonderful to finally find people who are so on the E-level wavelength. Pinger.. your words ring true to so many other people.. and to so many of my own experiences. Life is for living and becming aware of who you are.. where your brain wants to take you.. what adventures can be had. This.. (surveys all the things people have said) is an adventure worth taking.
good to be with you all..
P.S. I love youse guys *giggles*

 

[MíkeySåmmy]

*sigh* ohh how much i love this fuckin thread.

 

[BigTrancer]

Yeah me too, MikeySammy

It's 2001 now... have you spoken to your doppleganger lately?

 

[Tarsarlan]

Hey what's doing on here? I've read this thread a few times, reflected on it each time, yet I still havn't replied to it! What am I doing?!?!

So anyway, last night I had a nice little conversation with my doppleganger. It was right after I recieved a lovely call from a bunch of Brisbane psychos (whom I love more every second, even if they wake me up at 2am

).

The part of the converation which got me started on my multipathed internal ramblings was an observation by Blue Kitten, how all the Bluelighters at Earthcore clicked immediately, how we were friends even before we got to know one another. This got me thinking on how we sometimes meet people we click with, but then it goes no further, we don't see them again, or when we do see them again the same feelings aren't there anymore.

It does sadden me tho, when I become friends with someone, but due to many events in both our lives, the friendship fades and we just don't communicate that often or that openly anymore. But I guess things will always change and sometimes it doesn't go the way you want. Or sometimes you just don't feel the same way you used to, so it's more of an effort to maintain the status quo, and the effort just isn't worth it anymore...

But then there are some people we meet whom we can feel as if we have known them for years, they are, right at that moment, true friends, or at least that is the way it feels. In those instances I can sometimes look into the future (only imaginatively of course) and see a true friendship blossoming. The most gratifying experience is to look back into the past, and see that you were right... I've only really had a couple of those experiences, most of my true friends were gathered through school and friends of school friends... There are a couple of people though, who will always hold a special place in my heart, they were the people who were friends on first sight, and still remain friends. Even if I don't see them every week, or even every month, I know that any time we do get together the friendship will not be lessened by the passage of time...

I've got that feeling now, I can see into the future and it looks good, bulk good

The long distance will make things difficult, but some trials are worth the rewards.

And where do drugs come into this? ...HQ's were involved, but not on my part

Seriously though, drugs havn't really played a major part in the budding of friendships cultivated at Earthcore. Most of the time at Earthcore I was straight (shock horror!

). Indeed most of the time spent chopped was devoted to sensual plesures, rather than mental or emotional roadworks. However, my most memorable moment was spent in a bath of emotional and sensual delight while extremely chopped

But none the less, a lot of the communion which lead to the budding of many friendships happened mostly without drugs, at least on my part

Yet without drugs at some point in my life I wouldn't have been able to experience the same effortless forging of friendships. Before ecstacy I was a lot more shy, introverted and reserved. A few years back I would definately not have been able to go on a 5 day camping trip unaccompained by at least 2 good friends I'd known for years. But at Earthcore I knew no-one for more than a couple of months and quite honestly don't know any one of you all that well, at least not as well as I'd like to... An none of that bothered me in the least, indeed I hadn't even thought of it until last night...

So drugs have helped to make me a much more accepting and open person, and surely that can't be a bad thing? No matter the future consequences of my drug taking, it has been worth it...
-Tarsarlan aka Tarsarlan (doppleganger, get it? Get IT?! ....*sigh*...)

[This message has been edited by Tarsarlan (edited 07 January 2001).]

 

[E-n]

Hey guys... been readin' all this stuff and i have to say that my god we have some great minds here!
I'm juz gunna post a nice lil poem that i found on the net a year ago in relation wif pingers post on page 2

Slow Dance
Slow dance
have you ever watched kids
on a merry-go-round
or listened to the rain
slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight
or gazed at the sun into the fading night?
you better slow down
don't dance so fast
time is short
the music won't last
do you run each day
on the fly
when you ask "how are you?"
do you hear the reply?
when the day is done
do you lie in bed?
with the next hundred chores
running through your head?
you'd better slow down
don't dance so fast
time is short
the music won't last
ever told your child "we'll do it tomorrow"
and in your haste, not
see his sorrow?
ever lost touch,
let a good friendship die
'cause you never had time
just to call and say "hi"?
you'd better slow down
don't dance so fast
time is short
the music won't last
when you run so fast to get somewhere
you miss half the fun of
getting there
when you worry and hurry through your day,
it is like an unopened gift...
thrown away...
life is not a race
do take it slower
hear the music
before the song is over

 

[~jerox~]

Pinger: I really admire you as you are able to pen what u think and feel freely. I hope that I will be able to meet you one day.

I am really sadden that alot of us out there and my friends take drugs to really escape and also just to be in the scene kind of thing. There are also people that do them because their friends do it and they wanna be as "cool"as them and thus they get into it as well.

I do question myself why I did it in the first place. I started doing it without music. It was more like in the nature and when you can make your own music in your head. I could "see" things and "feel" the nature that surrounded me. It was so beautiful. It was really beyond what words could ever describe what I experience. I would love to share them with close ones. I love to experiment it in different ways and situations.

I do love music alot!

Drugs enhance it. I love to play with colours and it is just awesome how drugs play a part in it as well. I learnt how to be able to control it and to see what I wanna see in colours and shapes. Everything can be so calm and peaceful. It became more like a spiritual kind of thing to me. I'm currently writing a journal on my experiences with different drugs and situations. It will be memories for me and great experiences that I've been through.

Another thing in the scene that really bothers me is that some people abuses drugs.

They either do it to themselves or they do it to others. I do not know whether anyone has ever thought of it this way. The scene used to be something so unified in a way. But now, I can see that there are politics and a minority of people really misuses it to harm or to get something/ someone. I feel the anguish in myself when I know of instances like these.

Have any of you ever felt that the world around you are all so beautiful when you are on E or trips or anything? Learn how to appreciate it!

What I feel is that the world was once so beautiful and peaceful until SELFISHNESS and GREED and HATE overtook alot of us. I learnt to treasure alot of people and things that are given to me.

Maybe I am too emotional and am a thinker in many ways But I do not think that it is something bad....

I feel that I did find myself within myself. I live a more fulfilling and healthy lifestyle in a way.

A Great BIg Thank You To All Those That Made This World So Beautiful And Meaningful!
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Raving goes beyond what words can Express!
[This message has been edited by ~jerox~ (edited 10 January 2001).]

 

[Mr. Horse]

so much lurve...so much friendship...companionship...doesnt it just make you wanna
.
.
.
.
.
.
hurl?
i'll let this one stew for a bit before I add my reply. In the meantime, read "E is for Ecstasy" Nicholas Saunders had many discussions with HIS doppleganger.
ps pinger: luv ya, almost as much as britney!

 

[despook]

*bump*
herego's

(i brought this from another thread, so it kinda fits)

i started in this scene about 4.5 years ago when a friend of mine dragged me out to kryal for a party. i don't remember what. but it was fun.

since then, being underage until 1999, i have been going to things like pleasure and every picture. i have been collecting "electronic" music cds and just loving the music.
once i turned 18 i started going to just about every party i could.
all of this i have been doing without drugs. up until the past summer, 2000/2001. a friend always dropped, so i decided it was time to try what everyone had been talking about. i used to just go for the music, cos i loved it so much.

after the summer holidays, dropping twice, i stopped taking drugs.

when i went to wild things 3 i heard nexus's set and it had me in tears and on my knees, i am not joking. i was completely straight. it was this moving feeling from just the music and the company that reminded me that i was really in the scene for the music.
during the past couple of weeks i have been without one of my closest friends. and for the first party i didn't take anything. and didn't have a great time, maybe it was the music, or the lack of company.

the next party: belfast, i decided to drop. i had a great night. it was the first time i met a lot of bluelighters. i am not sure, but i think that even without taking a pill that night i would have had a great time. the musik was all the stuff that i used to listen to. it was really wierd, not being in a wherehouse. (i used to sneak in with fake id) but the musik was still great.

depth charge came around: the club sucked big time, sorry guys but it did. the musik wasnt' great, and i had dropped again. but this time, i didn't have that great a night. until ferris played. that was a great set.

from this experience i think that for me the music is more of a measure of how good the night is, not what pill i take.
what i think i am saying, is that for me, and this is not to flame anyone elses opinion,

first: the music is what makes the night.
second: is the company
third: the location
and finally drugs, if taken.

i miss being able to go to warehouses, cos they were dark and mysterious and fun. it added to the feel of it being hidden from the "real" people. if i were able i would build or buy a wharehouse somewhere so i could set up a party there. but i think that is in the future.

hints for people:
go to the parties for your own reasons.
if you aren't enjoying them, find another party. i did (left sunny to go to NRG4)
if you don't like the people, ignore them. it's not that hard
"if the comedown outwieghs the good times, it's time to stop" and if the parties are a comedown for you, then don't go.
i think it will take me a long time to become "jaded" so:
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See you at the next one
Dancing is the perpendicular reenactment of the horizontal desire
[This message has been edited by despook (edited 17 July 2001).]

 

[melancholic]

this is a question i pose to myslef fairly often... its a thought considering i used to get drilled by my mum when i went out "you shouldnt need alcohol to have a good time" and i honestly believe this. yet, when it comes to the punch, and im going out, out as in out, you know what i mean, and no alcohol or drugs are involved, i find myself going "oh shit, its gonna suck" <- and i hate that!! like i say to myself, hang on, what the fuck you shouldnt be needing to think that, you should be able to go out and enjoy yourself SOBER or STRAIGHT!

a time comes when this needs to be addressed. do i enjoy myself at a rave with no drugs? do i have fun at a club/pub with no drink?

difficult question.

i went to hypserspeed and had nothing... i enjoyed myself. i could dance, of course, its less limited than when my brain is overloaded with seratonin and dopamine.

to hit the nail on the head, i think i take drugs to lose inhibitions and control.

i long for that uncontrolled feeling, and that little world of my own that was so gracefully described by pinger in his first post

i have been saying for a while thats what i love most about e... how you can be totally at peace with everyhing - inclduing yourself - and just hear the music and watch the glowies move.
but getting deeper, to more a meaningful reason, i think its because in my normal life im so withheld and controlled in my actions that there is an overbearing amount of emotion and expression to be let out.

i let myself be dominated by those around me, i back down in arguments, i shy away from personal expression (i cant express my feelings with any ease at all) and i bottle things up.

i take e because i can break down the barriers i erect between myself even those im closest to. even on e, my mind can still reside on the thought that people will be thinking about and listening to what i may say, and im wondering, what are they thinking?

i find it so hard to just be myself and lose control that i long for the drug to do it for me....

i use the drug as more than a catalyst to letting myself go, it becomes the key to unlock myself...

ive probably rambled on enough

i suppose it comes down to my desire to fit in. dunno why but yeah. i never really feel at home with myself. i guess the atmosphere at raves and the drugs within me when i attend them help me feel more at home with myself, lose my inhibitions, say what i want to say, do what i want to do, feel how i want to feel, and maybe, just maybe, be myself.

more rambles

e is a way to learn to find myself. like pinger said, there are other more appropriate/useful/healthy ways of doing this, ie medidation, but i havent found that or any better way yet.
hopefully, i dont come to rely on the drug to do what i should be doing on my own.

so yeah, its fun, obviously, but for me it goes further than fun, but i hope my limits stay at the level they are at and i hope i can stick by them

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something kind of sad about the way, things have come to be, desensitized to everything, what became of subtlety?
~Maynard James Keenan; Tool.
---
just drop and enjoy

 

[BigTrancer]

Brought this forward from Australia Discussion Archives... thought it was about time people had a chance to read this again.
BigTrancer

 

[Tabernacle]

Wh0rd BT! Fuckin amazing thread, why can't people talk exactly about this at parties rather than crapping on about mundane, boring everyday things or gloating about how much they've had. I don't think that i can say with absolute cetainty the single reason why i take drugs. I've taken them for many reason, most of them listed above, it's just that drugs are so enigmatic and that's why the majority of society is afraid of them. It's just like in Fear & Loathing, 'behind the door's of the toilet's in all his favourite bars, strange men with red wollen jumpers are getting incredible kicks for things he'll never know. Hopefully it ruined his life'. There's one reason the kicks, but like most things in life there's always a price to pay. I can take drugs with a discrete purpose in mind, but other times there is no purpose... the purpose comes from taking the drugs and with a fluctation of cortical fluid, BAM, there it is as a revelation but sometimes also as deja vu, where i've always known the purpose, i've just forgotten it and it comes back afterwards like a waking dream. I know this isn't concrete but that's precisely the point i'm trying to make. So if my doppleganger came to my living room (after telling him what a devilishly handsome guy he is ) i'd tell him that i take drugs for almost every reason, but most of all because i'm him/me/tabernacle.
Having said this i'll list some of my fav reasons/revelations/forgotten memories.
Outrospection: i love this facet of my personality, where i can eat some LSD (or anything with slightly less artifical high than MDxx) sit in the middle of a waterfall and slowly dissolve until i feel almost fully integrated with the system and it feels like my ego and sense of self shatter into tiny pieces and float away like unworthy detritus. Or when i go into the bush and touch an ancient stone and like a static shock the forgotten memories of this silent witness flood into me, filled with emotions i can't comprehend.
The Red Pill: Where the experience of taking drugs, subconsciously reaffirms the very essense of my being that unreality and reality are fluid. And by that very fact that by taking drugs shows me that we are the masters of our own destiny and not trapped in something as insidious as the matrix