So fucking weird. Saw a photo that reminded me of something. Came on here to have a look at a blog related to it and to post a poem called the psychic bullet which is unrelated to the blog subject. Response made to blog literally two minutes before I decided to look at it, and I hadn't even received notification that there had been a response. I hate, hate, hate when I do that. It's like when I pick the phone up before it rings or know what people are going to ask me about.
Anyway. The gig was really good but three hours in the city did not really feel like long enough for me. I ended up going for a pizza (something I am really not allowed to have due to the amount of things I'm intolerant to in it) and walking home listening to some music on my android. A car passed me and some random guy shouted "bitch" out the window really loud at me. I'm a lot of things but I'm pretty sure I'm not a bitch and I'm pretty sure that the guy was a stranger... I'm sad to say that it actually upset me a bit. Not like, crying and shaking upset, it just made me feel a bit shit that I make complete strangers react that way.
I'm starting to feel like I want to leave this town and move back to the city. I've been an emotional wreck lately and all the factors that are getting me down are related to things and people in this town. I've got a few really good friends but by being in Edinburgh I could probably cut out some of the things that get to me. I'm such a sensitive and emotional person, and although I find it easy to forgive, I can never quite forget when someone has hurt me. I came to this town because I needed somewhere to go, fast, also because my Granny was dying, and also because the man I loved was down here. I'm now in a more stable position, my Granny passed away nearly three years ago and the man I love... well I can't say I don't love him because I probably always will, a bit, but I don't want to be with him and seeing him and seeing his girlfriend around time just makes me feel shit about myself.
I've been single for three years and I am starting to think that it's because I can't move on while I'm here surrounded by memories of him. I don't consciously think of him now but sometimes memories drift in and out like radio static and I can't stop them. If I stay here then I'm probably never going to get past it.
I can't really afford to move and I'm scared of how much it will cost... the logistics... but I need to do something because my soul is caged in here and I can't seem to completely move on.
Anyway. The gig was really good but three hours in the city did not really feel like long enough for me. I ended up going for a pizza (something I am really not allowed to have due to the amount of things I'm intolerant to in it) and walking home listening to some music on my android. A car passed me and some random guy shouted "bitch" out the window really loud at me. I'm a lot of things but I'm pretty sure I'm not a bitch and I'm pretty sure that the guy was a stranger... I'm sad to say that it actually upset me a bit. Not like, crying and shaking upset, it just made me feel a bit shit that I make complete strangers react that way.
I'm starting to feel like I want to leave this town and move back to the city. I've been an emotional wreck lately and all the factors that are getting me down are related to things and people in this town. I've got a few really good friends but by being in Edinburgh I could probably cut out some of the things that get to me. I'm such a sensitive and emotional person, and although I find it easy to forgive, I can never quite forget when someone has hurt me. I came to this town because I needed somewhere to go, fast, also because my Granny was dying, and also because the man I loved was down here. I'm now in a more stable position, my Granny passed away nearly three years ago and the man I love... well I can't say I don't love him because I probably always will, a bit, but I don't want to be with him and seeing him and seeing his girlfriend around time just makes me feel shit about myself.
I've been single for three years and I am starting to think that it's because I can't move on while I'm here surrounded by memories of him. I don't consciously think of him now but sometimes memories drift in and out like radio static and I can't stop them. If I stay here then I'm probably never going to get past it.
I can't really afford to move and I'm scared of how much it will cost... the logistics... but I need to do something because my soul is caged in here and I can't seem to completely move on.