so this is the first post on my blog hopefully not the last because as of late i have a keen interest in writing... so lemme know how it is!
So as you can pretty much tell by the title this is about relapse and what a cost it has been to me lately... so i had been clean about 8 months... just taking my suboxone everyday being productive working a bit, going to some great live music acts... just pretty much finally gettin my life back after being a hardcore junkie for the last 4 years...i should go back to say i have been prescribed subutex for a year in which i abused the shit out of it and IV'd it almost all the time...well my Dr finally caught on to me and switched me over to suboxone strips which actually worked quite well... but anyways yea after about 8 months of only having the strips my pharmacist accidently gave me subutex which i immediatly shot right into my arm... well a week later i was shootin heroin again at an alarming pace almost immedietly....its so funny how easily an addict such as myself with completely self destruct every good thing i've acomplished in the last 8 months in a matter of weeks even days sometimes...
Anyways i tried almost every day to stop and switch back to the subs but i could never make it that 24 hour period and i refused to take it sooner after learning the hard way how bad precipitated withdrawl is.... after 3-4 weeks of total under kaos and self destruction i knew detox was the only answer to this... so i took a week vacation in florida and a "painless" detox inwhich they claimed by using a coctail of powerful narcotics in a taper i'd leave feeling great and refreshed ready to conquer the world free of drugs... what a joke! i left that place kicking so hard... i probably should have stayed a couple more days because i went and copped the day i got out.. my parents caught me out n were ready to disown me until they realized im 26 and not living under their roof anymore so they just bitched and moaned and told me i had to leave within the week... this was very hard for me since when i am clean from dope i have a wonderful relationship with my parents... so i only used for 1 day called my Dr n got back on the subs... i have been trying to ween myself off the subs and am at 1mg a day but i go 2-3 days with out anything and start hurtin.... i hate relapsing... its like when i relapse i have to push the restart button on life... and i happened to meet a wonderful girl while being clean who has absolutely no idea about my drug use and if she did she'd stop talking to me immedietly... during this last bender i stopped talking to her for almost 3 weeks and i dunno how i convinced her to stay with me but alas i did...
well anyways i am at a point in my life where i am like truly tired of the cycle of heroin addiction, i deleted all my numbers and associates who are into that shit and i really hope i can get a new job and put some structure in my life... tommorow i have 2 interviews which could both possibly change my life... man i hope they do because the price of relapse is too much these days much too much.. 
F U DOPE!
