The power of dealers

[mrsnowygrainius]

bit of background that is necessary: Im on my 4th year of suboxone mainatance at 8-10mgs a day, my doc was/is IV heroin. around last year at this time I was slamming dope along with my suboxone about twice a week. I would barely get high, would have to shoot 20- 30 bags each time to try to feel something.... anyways, time went by and I stopped doing that, I went a few more months without doing dope at all.

so onto the point of this post- this morning I was sitting on my comp, relaxing, like I do every morning when all of sudden he texts me. "yo" he says... its my dealer btw... I went from thinking about what I wanted to have for breakfast to now I am going to use today. Its just so fucked up... as soon as I read that message my stomach went crazy... I became a nervous wreck, I still am...... why was I unable to just not respond? why did my mind immediately go into full on addiction mode?

thats what I need to know, all he did was text me 'yo', and then from there I ordered 20 bags and confirmed our meet in an hour. what can I do for next time when he texts me out of no where and a normal day turns into a relapse like this one...

I know many of you will say to just delete his number or get a new phone... I have been trying to do that for a long time now but part of me just won't let that relationship die. Its like I always think well if i get a new number so he can't ever contact me and what if for some reason I get cut off my suboxone and am forced to go back to dope, then I would have no dealer and be sick... any one else think like that?

I need help. I was doing so well. I get my subs from a doctor and have counseling every 2 weeks. How can I resist temptation?

 

[Captain.Heroin]

It's affordable to change your phone number. Blocking phone numbers is equally easy. What's prevented you?

You've got to be able to say no, or you should consider moving.

Stay strong, and try to get back on suboxone.

 

[wonderlost]

While I understand not wanting to shoot yourself in the foot and lose your connection you need to remind yourself of a couple things. Your dealer doesn't give two shits about you and if you disappear for a bit and need to score (which I pray you never do) he will be just fine or you will find someone new. You should change your number and try to get back on track. I think your life is worth way more than your dealers feelings.

Wishing you the best.

 

[Burnt Offerings]

There's obviously a part of you that wants to continue using. Because, as previously mentioned, you could always just A) get a new phone and number, B) block the dealer's number, or C) send them a message saying that you're trying to quit and to stop sending you any correspondence regarding drugs (most people will actually respect such a request, IME)

 

[sweetzoe]

The dealers know exactly what is going to happen when they send you that text. This is why they do it, it's GREAT for business, especially on a slow day. They know good and well that taking a few minutes to send that two-letter text to the contact list of customers will turn the day into a very busy one in no time. I had a dealer that used to do that, and it worked without fail every time....shit he and I used to even joke about it. Like I said, they don't care to check up on how you're doing or ask after your family- that text is sent for no other reason than to plant that seed, to tickle your skin and start the itch - they know it won't be too long till you're gonna pick that phone up to scratch it

 

[Burnt Offerings]

I used to get those CC-type text messages from drug dealers, too. Mostly weed dealers. Some "hard drug" dealers would do it too, though. One coke dealer I knew would keep sending me messages saying "got that hit me", on a regular basis. He probably sent that message to 100 other people at the same time. It's like, I get it dude, you have drugs, jeez-us! I didn't reply to any of the other messages you sent, what makes you think that I'll want your drugs now with the exact same message? But I guess it is a numbers game, as the previous poster alluded to

 

[Dodger Guy LA]

The dealers know exactly what is going to happen when they send you that text. This is why they do it, it's GREAT for business, especially on a slow day. They know good and well that taking a few minutes to send that two-letter text to the contact list of customers will turn the day into a very busy one in no time. I had a dealer that used to do that, and it worked without fail every time....shit he and I used to even joke about it. Like I said, they don't care to check up on how you're doing or ask after your family- that text is sent for no other reason than to plant that seed, to tickle your skin and start the itch - they know it won't be too long till you're gonna pick that phone up to scratch it

that is exactly what is going on! When in high school I was into speedy stuff. My person at the time in the beginning when he would make his "visit" would hook it it up, free of charge. Once he got caught and stopped using he was on a panel I put together on drug abuse. He told me that when he used to visit and treat us it was to get us hooked. I was so innocent I didn't even think about that.
geez I was only 19 at the time. Looking back it was a tact. NEW Phone is the best answer I've heard if you are serious about getting clean. Caption H has a lot of great advice, listen to his feed back.
I send good vibes your way.

 

[w0w0mg]

Just block the number, or get a new phone and number.
I know how hard that can be because in the back of your head you don't want to lose that connection.
It's not worth it though, I promise you. Imagine how much you can save, it's just not worth it if you're on suboxone.
You may need to increase your dose to help with cravings.

 

[manboychef]

Its like I always think well if i get a new number so he can't ever contact me and what if for some reason I get cut off my suboxone and am forced to go back to dope, then I would have no dealer and be sick

This is what is known as a reservation. A reservation is a time that you have reserved in your mind that some circumstance will allow you to let yourself use again. I say let yourself because you are practically giving yourself permission to do something that, i can tell by your post, you are against. The way to combat reservations is to think long and hard about them until you can come up with a different response that does not include using.

For example: Its like I always think well if i get a new number so he can't ever contact me and what if for some reason I get cut off my suboxone and am forced to go back to dope, then I would have no dealer and be sick.- I would say..."Instead of using, I will check myself into detox." "Instead of using I will find another doctor." 'Instead of using I will go to the methadone clinic."

Those are just three solutions that does not involve your dealer in any way shape or form...which will let you not worry about changing your number.

My reservation was "If something ever happened to my son I don't know how I will get through without using." I ended up realizing that the only thing that would change in that situation if I use, is that my life will become completely shitty very quickly. I will lose most of the headway I have made.

Basically: Think about your reservations. Write them down. Come up with solutions that don't involve using. It could save your life because addiction is powerful and will ruin your life, if not kill you.

 

[cj]

I can really relate to your experience OP especially the part about your stomach going crazy and getting that good nervous feeling. Frankly its one of the reasons I ended up switching from suboxone to methadone. A couple months ago I literally watched a guy shoot heroin in my passenger seat and didn't feel any urge to use heroin. It was fucking surreal because when I was on suboxone I would have been going crazy with cravings! My point is that it seems suboxone isn't working well for you. My advice is either up your sub dose or start thinking about methadone. This episode proves you are not ready to be off maintenance drugs yet. My phych doctor told me that 2 years completely off illicit opiates is the least amount of time she recommends people have before tapering off sub or methadone.

 

[mrsnowygrainius]

thanks for all the advice guys good stuff. I haven't done anything yet to change the problem, just got through the relapse. Now that I used at least ill be satisfied for a while..... I really have to change my number though or the same thing will happen again soon

 

[Moreaux]

The dealers know exactly what is going to happen when they send you that text. This is why they do it, it's GREAT for business, especially on a slow day. They know good and well that taking a few minutes to send that two-letter text to the contact list of customers will turn the day into a very busy one in no time. I had a dealer that used to do that, and it worked without fail every time....shit he and I used to even joke about it. Like I said, they don't care to check up on how you're doing or ask after your family- that text is sent for no other reason than to plant that seed, to tickle your skin and start the itch - they know it won't be too long till you're gonna pick that phone up to scratch it

Cheap sure fire marketing. Legit corporations must be so jealous lol.

 

[manboychef]

I can really relate to your experience OP especially the part about your stomach going crazy and getting that good nervous feeling. Frankly its one of the reasons I ended up switching from suboxone to methadone. A couple months ago I literally watched a guy shoot heroin in my passenger seat and didn't feel any urge to use heroin. It was fucking surreal because when I was on suboxone I would have been going crazy with cravings! My point is that it seems suboxone isn't working well for you. My advice is either up your sub dose or start thinking about methadone. This episode proves you are not ready to be off maintenance drugs yet. My phych doctor told me that 2 years completely off illicit opiates is the least amount of time she recommends people have before tapering off sub or methadone.

Subs did the same thing to me. It doesn't stop ur cravings at all. I developed a raging iv coke habit...just so I could scratch that urge.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

Subs did the same thing to me. It doesn't stop ur cravings at all. I developed a raging iv coke habit...just so I could scratch that urge.

For me it was really different.

I've seen someone shoot heroin and offer it to me, for free, and I turned it down while I was on Suboxone. They were shocked and reminded me it was free LOL! I had no desire to do it.

I still don't.

I guess everyone's different.

The crazy "butterflies in the stomach" thing only happened when I already had methamphetamine in hand. I could still watch someone use it and just feel grossed out.

 

[Burnt Offerings]

I think that suboxone works pretty well if you use it to get off heroin (with the ultimate goal of getting off all strong opiates, suboxone included)

My best friend's mother has been on suboxone for over 3 years. I don't get that...at that point I think it just becomes "the socially acceptable heroin", LOL. We'd joke around saying, "oh, you're doing the good heroin they want you to do, huh, rather than the bad heroin they don't want you to do?" I think that subs are very easy to stop using if you've only been on them for a brief period of time, but I've heard that withdrawal from long-term buprenorphine usage is hellish

 

[manboychef]

Ever feel less dope sick when you had money in your hand and were about to cop?

Most of the time I actually felt better/high during that time than when I used. It was always so anticlimactic.

 

[mrsnowygrainius]

Ever feel less dope sick when you had money in your hand and were about to cop?

Most of the time I actually felt better/high during that time than when I used. It was always so anticlimactic.

yes just yes to this. I remember being pretty dopesick on most of my morning drives to cop but also just being in a good mood lol, if that makes any sense.

 

[manboychef]

It makes so much sense. Generally the despair of withdrawal comes for me when I have no way to get anymore.

 

[Stickman Roxy]

My easiest withdrawals were when my dealer wasn't around. He went out of town 1 week every month. Knowing it's (for the most part) impossible to get anything put me at ease as opposed to running out of money or some other reason when he was just a phone call away. Knowing you can end hell with a text or call was torture.
I had another dude but he was one of those drive me around mother fuckers. A pull in case of emergency kinda thing

 

[morphine-dreams]

This is why I'm so glad my dealer only has softer drugs. I know where to get most hard drugs, but it's such a hassle that I don't bother, so it's a very occasional thing, usually if someone else offers. I'm somewhat psychologically addicted to weed (I don't care at all though because it's weed, I can afford it, and it's very medically beneficial for me) and I never take T breaks because when you have the access, money, and sometimes your guy even throws freebies, saying no is damn near impossible. I had a heroin connect for one week and then I think he got arrested. I wish he didn't, for his sake, but in all honesty, it was probably a good thing for me. I don't use my absolute favorite drugs regularly, I use the ones that I can easily get. I don't not use high grade coke or oxycodone because I dislike it, I can tell you that much. If I had a better connect when I was an addict, I could at the very least say goodbye to my laptop and jewelry, maybe even my car.

My regular guy definitely knows how to find me and how to get me to give him more money. The stereotype of scary, asshole dealers is so wrong. They'll let you try their drugs (how I tried crack), give you fronts, deals, and even freebies and check up on you if you haven't bought in a while. They're salesmen. My dude is pretty cool and doesn't know I was an addict before but he's always offering me shit I don't want and then looks disappointed when I say no, lol. I do have a weed dealer (weed exclusively) who I don't even buy from often but he always smokes me up with his own bud lol, nice guy but not a great dealer at all. Opiate dealers are the worst because they know they pretty much have you.

Anyway I ended up moving over an hour away from my hard drug source, for other reasons but I only went back once. I know moving can be a huge deal but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do, hopefully one day you can resolve your addiction issues enough so that even strong temptation like that is resistable. I feel you though, I really do. I've had to cut people out of my life that I had no temptation to contact and already lived fairly far away from and it wasn't easy. It takes effort and vigilance, much more so when the person is your dealer. You've already made the hardest decision so huge props there, congrats and stay strong! You've come this far, your dealer just wants money. Your sobriety is more important than his wallet! Try thinking about it like that, think of him as a telemarketer or debt collector. Do whatever you have to do, it'll be worth it and it WILL get easier, the first two weeks or so are always by far the hardest for me, I had someone with me to hold me accountable so I finally detoxed for good. Even after 1 month, the cravings were much easier to ignore. You got this

Edit: btw there are plenty of apps that can block certain numbers and websites that can block other websites for a certain amount of time that you specify. There's probably even a way to ban IP addresses, but I'm not enough of a computer geek to know.